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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/vaht101 on 2023-09-04 00:24:51.

I am a 30F and got married in Feb 2022. Two years prior we chose to have a destination wedding and asked our bridesmaid’s and groomsmen if they were up for the trip. Everyone agreed 2 years was plenty of time to save up. Covid was a thing during this time and everyone was still on the same page once traveling opened up again. We planned a co-op bridal shower for November 2021 and all my bridesmaid’s agreed to what they could contribute ahead of time. One bridesmaid in particular decided about 1am the night before our bridal shower to say she couldn’t go. To my suprise the next morning I’m shocked because she was in charge of all the drinks (lemonade, tea, and soda) and we had over 100 guests. Now I will say she was known to flake on plans but I didn’t think she would on such an important day. I called her and in the end she confesses that she never bought the drinks to begin with. I’m pissed and had to get my mother to get everything that she couldn’t. Well she shows up to the bridal shower and things go smoothly and she pays my mom back. Cool. I let it go. Since that was taken care of I proceed with plans and we all get together to make the wedding favors and I give all my girls there bridesmaid gift boxes. Then fast forward to the end of January 2022 and I get a message from the same bridesmaid that she can no longer go to our wedding. Again pissed off but find out she can’t afford it anymore. Fine. I was furious because everything had already been paid for and ready to go. However I was able to tweak a few things and in place add another flower girl. The only thing I asked of her was to give me back the bridesmaid robe so my cousin could have one more in her size and the hair piece for the wedding so my new flower girl could wear it. And guess what. She said absolutely not because she doesn’t give back gifts. I even told her to keep all the other gifts because they were for her personally and I only wanted the 2 items that are meant for the wedding party. But she pretty much said there was no way she would be doing that and that my fiance makes enough money that we can afford to but them again. Friendship completely over since then. I didn’t think it was that bad of me to ask. So AITA?

Edit: There is some confusion to clear up. My bridesmaid’s did not fund my bridal shower. I did. I had them split up who would do drinks, party games, and jenga between 5 girls. They all talked it out together and came to an agreement. Everything else came out of my own pocket. My wedding was known 2 years in advance that everyone invited would be paying there way to the wedding and I would not hold it against them if they could not go. That was the point of destination because I had over 100 people invited for the bridal shower (big family) and needed way less people to come to the wedding hence destination so less people would go. I asked multiple times to make sure everyone was still comfortable with going and by no means did anyone tell us no or they could not afford anything.