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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/TA_AITA1212 on 2023-09-04 13:14:32.

I (F46) have always struggled to connect with my stepdaughter (F26). She was 13 when her father and I started dating, and sadly, she has always blamed me for her parents separation, despite the fact they’d been divorced for several years before we even met.

Over the years, I’ve tried hard to connect with her by taking her on expensive vacations, having girls days with her at the spa, or taking her to dinner. Two years ago, she even moved in with us rent-free for several months while she was between jobs. (Though we eventually had to ask her to leave because of excessive partying, as we have two younger children).

Despite my efforts to build a relationship, it just hasn’t worked. My stepdaughter is passive-aggressive towards me at best and, at worst, tells other family members I’m a “wicked stepmum”, spreads lies about me to other family members, and has actively plotted to break me and her father up. I was understanding of this behaviour when she was a teen, but now that she’s a fully grown adult, I have very little time or patience for this behaviour.

My stepdaughter has recently broken up with her boyfriend and is once again between jobs. She asked her father if she could move in with us again until she was back on her feet. However, I’ve told my husband I feel uncomfortable with this because of her excessive partying and also because of the way she treats me. I’ve suggested an alternative: helping her financially rather than letting her move back in. My husband agreed this was a good solution and spoke to her about it.

My stepdaughter, however, was not happy and is blaming me for “keeping her from her father and younger siblings”. Her mother has also emailed me to say that stepdaughter is going through a tough time mentally and could use our support. Regardless, I don’t want her to move in. AITA for putting my foot down on this?