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The original was posted on /r/maliciouscompliance by /u/SubmarineRadio on 2025-08-13 12:00:32+00:00.

So I’m in the military, and anyone who’s served knows the sacred ritual of the urinalysis. It’s not just peeing in a cup, it’s peeing in a cup while being stared at like you’re about to commit a felony with your bladder.

Normally, the observer stands behind you, gives you space, and just makes sure you’re not pulling any shady business. But this time? Nah. This guy was new and clearly took “direct observation” to mean “make eye contact with the stream.”

He tells me, “Pants and underwear all the way down. Shirt up. Hands at your sides. No touching anything. I need a clear view.”

I blinked. “You want a clear view?” He nodded, dead serious.

So I complied. Maliciously. I dropped everything to my ankles, lifted my shirt like I was flashing Times Square, and stood there like a statue. I made direct eye contact with him the entire time. No blinking. No shame. Just pure, unfiltered compliance.

He looked uncomfortable. I looked serene. It took me a solid minute to start peeing because, you know, performance anxiety. But I held the pose. I even asked, “Is this clear enough for you, sir?”

He said he’s only making me do it per the instruction at the command. He kind of just stared at the wall like he regretted every life choice that led him to this moment. After I finished, I pulled everything up, washed my hands, and walked out.