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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Lyra858 on 2023-09-04 20:58:51.
TLDR: I told my boyfriend that I want to cut back on going out as much because I can’t afford it, he got upset and said he didn’t want to be “restricted” and that if that’s the case we just won’t do anything at all anymore.
We’ve been together for a year and a half and I’ve gone along with the amount of things he wants to do up until this point, but I really need to start saving more money now.
We split everything 50/50 but he earns more than double I do, so obviously he can afford more than me.
But he didn’t respond well to me suggesting we go out less, as he said “He doesn’t want to be restricted to doing things only a certain amount of times in a month” and that “we just shouldn’t do anything anymore” to which I responded “maybe you need to find a girlfriend who makes more money than I do then.” And he seemed to get offended at that comment.
He said that he does’t care how much he spends on our relationship and going out because our relationship is important to him. Basically implying that I don’t care about our relationship as much as him because I’m less willing to spend money on going out. But I don’t have as much disposable income as he has.
We both want to save for a house deposit but obviously it’s a lot harder for me and this makes it even harder.
So I’m feeling pretty bad that he insinuated that, and the fact he said we shouldn’t go out at all anymore.
I don’t know what to do.
Budgets are important, and it’s great that you are trying to keep your long term goals. If your boyfriend wants to join you in that, then he will adjust accordingly. If not, it shouldn’t change what you want to do.
I get the impression we have two bad communicators here. I think the boyfriend wants to pay more to permit them to keep going out, but he’s too prideful or stupid to say it explicitly and he’s wondering why that hasn’t been mentioned as the obvious solution.
And OP is probably wondering why he didn’t offer, or is for whatever reason totally blind to the concept, suggesting only two solutions which is less time together and breaking up.
I bet the BF is noticing that all her solutions involve less time together, and he’s interpreting that as code for she doesn’t like him.
