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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ok-Locksmith-5065 on 2023-09-05 00:40:28.
My wife is six years older than me. I’m 54. I still enjoy skiing, scuba diving, hiking, etc. My wife used to be my partner in all that stuff. Now she is happy reading, gardening, watching TV, and being a grandma.
I love being a grandpa. But I like taking my grandchildren out to the pool, or the park. I do play games at home with them as well.
My wife says that she doesn’t want to do the things we used to do any more. She says she doesn’t have the energy any more. I don’t mind doing them on my own. For example this last winter she got to stay at the hotel, the chalet, and town while I went skiing. This summer she didn’t want to come down to the Carribean to go scuba diving. I would have loved her company but she said she wanted to help with the grandkids more. I said I understood but I still wanted my vacation. So I went.
When I got back she was upset with me. She said I was an asshole for taking a vacation without her. She could have come. I just wasn’t interested in hanging around the city for an extra two weeks. She said that she felt like I abandoned her. I said I worked hard my life so I could enjoy it not to lay like a potato. She said her new hobbies might be sedentary but she enjoyed them. I said that was fine but I didn’t want to do old people shit until I absolutely had to.
AITA?
Personally I feel having separate hobbies is fine. I guess it matters how you expressed it. “I don’t wanna do old people hobbies” is a dickish way to put it. “I still enjoy doing x,y, and z and I don’t feel like I should have to give those things up” is much better. But wanting to still engage in your hobbies is fine.
One of the investment people my partner watches on YouTube talks about the three phases of retirement. The gogo, the slow go, and the no-go. It seems like OP here is in the go-go phase and his wife is already at the no-go phase. It is unfortunate but she should be willing to at least come along on the vacation and do her reading by a pool so they aren’t so far away from each other. Maybe she should look at hormone replacement if the energy levels she used to have dropped so suddenly.
