This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/daecrist on 2025-09-05 19:58:10+00:00.
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I looked at the shack. It reminded me of some of the tourist spots I’d visited in the former southern United States.
Think the kind of living history museum that presents life like it was back in the late 20th or the early 21st century. This place looked a lot like that. A bunch of hunks of metal that had been tossed up with little regard to matching colors or whether they’d hold up to extreme weather.
Though as I looked up, I figured they probably didn’t have to worry about weather all that much around here. The place was open to the elements, but they were still deep enough in the mine that extreme weather wasn’t a problem.
If they went deep enough they might not even have to worry about the nuclear conflagrations that seemed to be a routine part of the weather forecast in Imperial Seat.
I turned and glanced at Varis. I could sense a little bit of revulsion from her. I wasn’t sure if that was because of the security implications, or if it was simply because she was looking at that shack, comparing it to the kind of digs she lived in, and didn’t want to go in there.
“No way,” Selii said.
I blinked and turned to her. “Excuse me?”
“You’re not going in there,” she said. “Neither one of you are going in there.”
“But I’m the prince consort,” I said. “Doesn’t that mean I get a say in things?”
“You’re the prince consort and I’m here to protect you,” Selii said. “That means no, you don’t get a say in this sort of thing. There are all kinds of problems that could happen in there. There could be walls in between us and I won’t be able to get to you in time.”
“Come on,” I said, looking at the shack. “You could just shoot through the walls. Like, I’ve had slingshots that would probably be able to get through the armor plating on this sad pile.”
“Hey,” the guy who’d escorted us up here said. “This is some of the best…”
“It’s sad,” I said, turning to look at him and rolling my eyes. “All of you could do so much better.”
“I’d like to know how,” the overseer said.
I turned to Varis again. She merely shrugged and rolled her eyes. But the link told me I had the go-ahead to do some crazy Terran stuff.
“So right now you’re working on a charter from the empress, right?” I asked.
“We are,” the overseer said. “But I fail to see what that has to do with you or the administration building.”
I turned and looked at the shack again, and then I turned to look at him.
“The administration building,” I said.
“Yes,” he said, still looking vaguely insulted.
“You’re calling this hunk of sheet metal the administration building?”
“I am,” he said, and there was a slightly defensive set to his jaw now as he said it.
“Well, that’s putting lipstick on a pig.”
“What’s lipstick?” the overseer said.
“What’s a pig?” the one who led us up here asked.
I turned to Varis again. This time there was amusement coming through the link. Clearly whatever was going on here, she thought this was all really damn funny.
“A pig is an animal back on Earth we use for food. The pigs are actually pretty intelligent and pretty vicious. Like you don’t want to fall into a pig pen if you want to survive.”
“This sounds like a truly honorable creature,” the overseer said.
“They’re more honorable than your empress, that’s for damn sure,” I said.
He frowned slightly. Like he wasn’t sure if I’d just insulted his empress or given her a compliment. I had called them both intelligent and vicious, and both of those were qualities the livisk looked for in their leadership.
“And lipstick is something that women put on their lips when…”
“I know what lipstick is,” the overseer said. “Though something tells me the kind of ladies Gregar here gets with aren’t the kind to use that sort of thing.”
“That’s not very nice,” Gregar said.
I could only stare at him. Gregar the livisk seemed to have a sensitive side to him, that was for damn sure.
I looked around again. It didn’t look like there was any spot for any of us to sit.
“I don’t suppose you have chairs in there?” I finally asked.
“We do,” the overseer said.
“Good,” I said, grinning. “I really want to get to my crew and have a chat with them, but I also really want to go over how things are going to be operating here now that you’re under new management.”
“Who said anything about us being under new management?” the overseer asked.
“The human says we’re under new management,” Gregar said.
“Him and what authority?” the overseer said.
A moment later, more of those lasers suddenly tracked on him. Most of them were on his chest, but a couple of them went up to his forehead. He at least had the courage to not look down at those lasers or go cross-eyed like Gregar had when we shone them on him down below. But he did seem to be very aware of them.
“I see,” the overseer said. “You’ll be taking command here, and we’re just negotiating the terms.”
“Something like that,” I said. “Now go get some chairs, and we’ll have a chat once you’re done with all of that.”
“Right away, sir,” the overseer said, and he even did a little version of the livisk salute, putting his fist to his chest. A very Klingon sort of gesture, though there was a lot about the livisk that was similar to Klingons.
Like the Klingons from Next Generation onwards, which was most of them. A lot of people forgot that the original Klingons were just asshole space Soviet stand-ins who wanted to invade anything and everything they could manage back before the forehead ridges.
A moment later they had chairs, and me and Varis sat down along with the overseer. Selii opted to stay standing, holding her weapon and staring all around like she was expecting an attack to come from somewhere at any moment.
The rest of the livisk from the reclamation mine weren’t so lucky. Only the overseer got one of the chairs, though I did note he was kind enough to give me one of the nicer chairs. Varis definitely got the best one. I suppose there were perks to being a noble and a general that went above and beyond being a Terran who was known to hit people with a plasma blast if he didn’t like what they were saying.
“So anyway,” I said, smiling pleasantly at all of them. It was nice to be nice, after all. “We’re going to discuss the terms of us operating out of your reclamation mine.”
“Operating out of the reclamation mine?” the overseer asked, his eyes going slightly wide.
Like he was suddenly realizing I was wanting a little more than a cut of everything they were doing down here in this mine. Like maybe I wanted them to facilitate something that was going to paint a target on their backs, or on their fronts, or all over their bodies.
The empress had proved she was rather indiscriminate with how she killed someone once she decided it was time for them to die, after all.
“What kind of terms were you thinking, human?” the overseer said.
“Well, that’s simple,” I said with a shrug. “Me and my crew are going to be operating out of here. I have some goals, and I need a base of operations that’s away from Varis’s power. We’ve had a little bit of heat coming down on us lately. I’m sure you’re well aware. It was probably pretty hard to miss the giant mushroom cloud the empress sent to us as a welcoming gift.”
“Yes, that was just a little difficult to miss,” the overseer said, exchanging a nervous glance with Gregar.
Again, no doubt they were thinking about the target they were painting on their backs and how they could be atomized by a nuclear strike that was aimed at this reclamation mine. Sure, it would probably be a tactical nuclear strike rather than a strategic nuclear strike. The empress was a poor strategist and a despot and a dumbass, but I doubted even she was stupid enough to blow up the city all around her in order to take out somebody she didn’t like.
“So, what exactly did you have in mind?”
“You keep operating this reclamation mine as you always have, but my crew is done even pretending they’re doing any of your work.”
“Your crew was never even pretending they were doing any work,” the overseer said. “I got your message loud and clear the first time around, but you said there were going to be terms. What kind of terms are you talking about?”
“Whatever the empress is paying you, we’re going to go ahead and pay that same amount on top.”
“Just the same amount on top?” the overseer asked, again exchanging a glance with Gregar.
“Oh, but you haven’t heard about the bonus structure,” I said.
“Bonus structure sounds nice,” the overseer said.
“The bonus structure is we’re going to be moving some of my girlfriend’s military forces into your reclamation mine at strategic locations to make sure you don’t double-cross us. And if it turns out you do double-cross us… well, I’m sure your next of kin will have fun spending all the extra money you’re making by getting your pay doubled.”
“So that’s how it’s going to be,” the overseer said.
“Look,” I said. “I’ve already made it absolutely clear I’m capable of killing somebody who’s fucking with my people. We’re just coming in here and setting up a new management structure that formalizes those business terms. All you have to do is play …
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