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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Zealousideal-Sun6350 on 2023-09-05 22:11:59.

Last year, our daughter (26F) moved into a 1-bedroom apartment. My son’s (20M) a junior in college who still lives at home with us (commuter).

A few months ago, my daughter auditioned for an opera show (she used to study music) that, if she got in, would have had her move/live in another state for a few weeks in November and then all of January. Back then she offered my son to stay in her apartment while she was away which I was always hesitant about (him being safe, is he ready to live on his own, etc.), but she didn’t get accepted so it fell through.

Now my daughter just told us she got accepted on a live-onsite farm internship (gardening’s also her thing) that would have her living an hour away for 6-weeks. Again, she wants my son to stay in her apartment while she’s away.

I know she’s being very generous (she would continue paying rent, utilities; he basically gets a free place aside from food he’d need to pay for), but I’m still hesitant for the reasons above. I also don’t understand why she needs someone there where she could save on utilities instead, etc.

I brought this up to her and I got a good dose of attitude back. And she added that it’s not our business and the decision is up to him.

Frankly, this really upset me because if we’re paying for his expenses (like food) then it does involve us and is partially our decision. Both times when she offered the deal to him, she only asked him, not his mom and I, like we weren’t even there and it has no matter what we say. Am I the asshole?