This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ResponsibleGarage704 on 2023-09-06 01:33:48.

Throwaway account for privacy reasons.

Some context, I, 22m, have a large friend group. There’s 11 of us in total, 5 girls and 6 boys, all aged between 20-23. We both have a girls night and a boys night. The girls hold their girls night every second Saturday and we hold our boys night once a month.

One member of the group, Hannah 23F, came out as trans, MTF, last month. We were all extremely happy for her and everyone has made an effort to support her through her transition. The girls were quick to welcome her and she has been invited to girls night since she came out to us.

Yesterday I was on a call with Hannah and I asked what her weekend plans were. She then revealed that she would be attending boys night. I asked her who had invited her and she said no one had, She just assumed she’d be invited as she had always attended boys night.

I shot a message to the boys group chat asking if girls were now allowed to come to boys night. Everyone confirmed that this was not the case. So I explained to Hannah that she’s not invited because she’s no longer one of the boys and it wouldn’t be fair to the other girls in the group if she were to attend.

She called me a transphobe for excluding her due to her new gender identity and said that she expects an apology and an invite to boys night. She also said that Boys night is misogynistic and that we really shouldn’t be having one at all. She hung up on me before I could respond and has not spoken to me since.

I refuse to apologise as it just makes sense to me that boys go to boys night and girls go to girls night. I dont think I’m doing anything wrong by telling someone who is no longer a boy that their invite has been revoked. I don’t believe it’s fair to say she’s being excluded as it’s not like she’s not being invited to any events anymore, she’s just attending girls night instead of boys night.

Other girls have expressed interest in attending boys night and that was quickly shut down by multiple members of the group. I see no difference in doing the same to Hannah. As for being a transphobe I don’t see how telling her she’s not a boy anymore is transphobic. Honestly to me it seems like the opposite. Also she had no problem with the ‘misogyny’ of having boys night while she was invited so i’m not even going to warrant that with a response.

Boys night will still be going ahead tomorrow and if Hannah attends I will leave on principal.

Our group is divided. Some people believe we should just invite Hannah to boy’s night for old times sake as, boy or girl, she’s still the same person.

Some people agree with me that boys should go to boys night and girls should go to girls night, plain and simple.

Some people believe we should just ditch boys and girls nights all together to avoid conflict.

So reddit AITA for telling Hannah she can’t come to boys’ night?