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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/LogicalOptimism on 2023-09-06 05:31:10.

My (M25) girlfriend (F25) and I have been living together for nearly 3 years. I love her deeply, but I’m increasingly frustrated by several unmet needs. She’s untidy, which affects my mood, and neglects her health. She drinks heavily and doesn’t exercise, ignoring medical appointments I schedule for her because she forgets to. Our sex life is also lacking; it’s infrequent and impacts my confidence, sometimes going months without sex. I’m selfless in bed, focusing on her pleasure to make her comfortable and completely neglecting mine, but it’s frustrating that this doesn’t seem to improve things.I recently lost my job in software engineering and was dropped by my modelling agency for gaining too much mass, which in turn stopped me from booking shoots, making this a stressful time for me. She started working at a pub to help with finances. I’m proud of her for stepping up, but her new job has introduced another issue: she often comes home late and is terrible at responding to calls or texts. She usually stays for a drink after her shift, which ends around 11pm. I worry for her safety and have asked her to come home at a reasonable time, but she’s consistently late. The first time this happened, she didn’t respond for 4 hours and came home at 4:30am after texting that she’d be home at 4 hours earlier. This has happened multiple times, slightly eroding my trust. Once, she even stayed at a colleague’s house and didn’t come home until 10am the next day.When I confront her, she gets defensive. She pointed out that I didn’t leave an outing to meet her at a party when she was being harassed last weekend, which I regret. I told her to go to her friends, not realising the severity and how she just didn’t want to be there. Her apologies now feel empty, and I’ve raised my voice out of frustration tonight and the past nights she come home late, which I know isn’t ideal or loving. She feels like she doesn’t get to choose what she does, but I think I’m asking for reasonable things. I’m slightly losing trust and am uncomfortable with her lack of communication. I don’t think she’s cheating, but her actions make me uneasy. I might be channeling other frustrations into this issue, but I feel I have a leg to stand on. I don’t want to be controlling; I just want her to be safe. AITA?

Edit: Some clarification on my part. She doesn’t work multiple jobs, she has been working at her job for 2 and a half months because she’s a student. I had a job up until a month ago. I’m proud of her for getting a job because she hasn’t had a job for the entire time we’ve been together. She pays for her portion of the rent with her job which is a quarter of the rent and I pay 3/4 and the bills. Our relationship is genuinely still really great despite how I may have laid out the bad parts, I still think she’s the loveliest person ever despite my frustrations. I’m still the one paying for everything, I’m not saying that gives me the right to raise my voice at her at all, just people think I’m a bum or something. I am interviewing I’ve got one in 5 hours this will be my 4th interview with the company and I have another interview tomorrow which will be my 3rd with another company. I don’t want her to exercise because of her body, or see the doctor for no reason, I just want her to take care of herself because she has a lot of symptoms. She expects the same of me to text her if I’m going to be out late and to be home when I’ve promised and usually I am.