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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-09-12 04:00:07+00:00.
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Better_Jellyfish_
Originally posted to r/AITAH
AITAH for going nuclear on my aunt at my own wedding after her son harassed my SIL?
Trigger Warnings: racism, misogyny, islamophobia, mentions of child abandonment, manipulation, physical assault, sexual harassment, verbal abuse. trauma, mentions of favoritism
Mood Spoilers: infuriating
Original Post: September 4, 2025
So my wedding was two weeks ago and I feel like I’m living in the wreckage of a bomb I set off myself. I’m so lost and I need to know if I’m the monster my family is making me out to be.
I (28F) just married the love of my life (30M). His family is Arab Muslim, and they are, without exaggeration, the best people I have ever known. I’m an only child and my own family is really “complicated” And husband’s family welcomed me with open arms from day one, so for the first time, I felt like I had a real, supportive family unit. I’m basically an only child. My half-brother from my dad’s side is much older and he currently lives in Japan, and even though we don’t talk much, he still called me to congratulate me. As for my parents, they weren’t even supportive of my marriage until I told them I’d cut them off if they kept pushing. So yeah, I already knew going in that I couldn’t count on them for anything but drama.
The wedding itself was perfect, for a while. Everyone was happy, even my parents were smiling at some point. Then there’s my cousin, “Mark” (35M). My aunt begged me to invite him and honestly - and yes I regret this - I couldn’t really say no because I didn’t want any drama. Mark is a walking disaster. He is a womanizer, has three children with three different women he abandoned, and his own father is the one sending them money. He’s just a user. But for my aunt, the sun shines out of his 🍑.
So the night is winding down when I hear a scream. Not a happy one. I turn and see my youngest sister-in-law, “Layla” (19F), backed against a wall. My cousin Mark is standing in front of her, and he’s dripping wet. She’s the one who screamed, and she’s holding an empty water glass. So when I rushed over, Layla was visibly trembling. My other SIL told me what happened. Mark had cornered her, telling her she was “too pretty to be hiding under that thing” (her hijab) and that she was “wasting her perfect face.” Then, the part that made me even angrier, he apparently reached out and tried to tug it off her head to “see her beautiful hair.”
(Backstory: my SIL had a traumatic accident years ago, and ever since then, she’s been uncomfortable around men. Even hugging her own dad and brother took years of patience and trust. So for her to be cornered at my wedding by my cousin telling her to take off her hijab, saying she was “too pretty” to be covering her hair, and pushing her like that…she was literally shaking).
My older SIL, who is a force of nature, was already there and getting in his face. It was about to get physical. My father-in-law calmly stepped between them, looked at Mark, and said quietly but with absolute finality “It is time for you to leave my son’s wedding."
I thought that would be the end of it and was ready to console Layla. But then my aunt, Mark’s mother, stormed over. “You can’t kick him out! He was just joking with her! She’s being too sensitive!” (First it was “he was complimenting her” then it became “he was just joking”).
Before I could even speak, my own mother pipes up, “I’m sorry but she’s right. This is a huge overreaction. Mark didn’t mean any harm, that’s just how he is.”
Seeing Layla still shaking and looking so scared, and hearing my OWN mother defend this creep who had just assaulted my new sister… a switch flipped inside me and I just snapped.
I looked straight at my aunt and said, “No, he needs to leave. Now.”
She started up again, "OP, you are not going to disrespect your family like this!”
And I just let her have it. “My family? You don’t get to lecture me about family, this is actually why your own is broken. This blind worship of your useless, good-for-nothing son is the reason you have one child who ruins every event he attends, and another who hasn’t spoken to you in five years. And you dare wonder why your own daughter went no-contact? It’s because of THIS. Because you will always choose him over the people he hurts. So yes, he is leaving and you can leave with him if you want.”
The entire area went dead silent. Then my aunt started crying and stormed out with my cousin and my parents trailing behind after they gave me one of their classic “you are a disappointment” looks.
My phone has been a nightmare since. Texts from my parents calling me cruel, vicious, and saying I used a family tragedy (my other cousin leaving) as a weapon. Telling me about how my aunt has just been sending them messages about how I broke her heart.
My husband had been supportive, he kept telling me I was just defending Layla and that my family showed their true colors. But I can’t get rid of these moments of guilt. Mark was 100% in the wrong. I’ve already cut him off, I don’t want him anywhere near me or my husband’s family again. But the part I keep thinking about is what I said to my aunt. I don’t regret defending my SIL (she was scared out of her mind, and I will always pick her over him) but maybe I went too far bringing up her daughter leaving. I know that’s a sore spot and I basically twisted the knife. I feel like I dropped a nuke to win a fistfight and now my entire family is radioactive. AITAH?
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: NTA - it sounds like you said something that was way overdue and honestly, your family got off easy. Your cousin physically assaulted your SIL.
Don’t look back. You did the right thing.
OOP: I keep telling myself that i did right by her, and by my new family but I’m really not that strong I fear.
Commenter 2: Just because Mark is always like this or that’s just the way he is does not mean anyone needs to accept that behavior. For shame on two women allowing that. You are not the AH and you should feel proud you stood your ground and had him removed. Whether or not Layla has previous trauma is beside the point. Backing a woman into a wall is never okay and trying to take her hijab off is absolutely insane. Someone needs to put that guy in his place.
OOP: Exactly, and she looked genuinely so stressed and upset which is why I lost it immediately.
Commenter 3: Obviously you were right to defend your SIL, that’s not your question. And you were justified in being very harsh, your aunt supported an assault (and so did your mother).
Was what you said all true? That’s why your aunt’s daughter went no-contact, because of her son’s behaviour? If you said things that weren’t true because you were angry then that’s something to admit. If it’s true then IMO you’ve done nothing to regret and it’s a pity more people aren’t telling your aunt the truth. Maybe she’d be able to have a relationship with her daughter if people had given her a reality check.
OOP: Thanks for this comment. It’s actually making me think a lot.
To answer your question, yes. What I said was true, and I think that’s what’s making me feel so awful about it because it felt like I was really weaponising it.
The favoritism for Mark has been a thing their whole lives. My other cousin was always sweet and kind, but she wasn’t the best student. Mark wasn’t either, but for some reason, my aunt took out all her disappointment and anger over Mark’s failures on her. So it a constant thing.
It all came to a head a few years ago. They had a huge fight around Christmas, and after that, my cousin went from low contact to completely no contact. It absolutely devastated my aunt, but the saddest part is that losing her daughter just made her cling to Mark even harder. Like she doubled down on her one remaining kid, no matter how much of a mess he is.
Commenter 4: Text your mom “I am disappointed you for defending a grown man assaulting a teenage girl. However the good news it, it makes it much easier for me to go no contact with you. As of today, you are all dead to me and my only family is my husband’s family. I hope you’re happy you lost your only child to that train wreck of a human being. You’d better pray he’s willing to change your diaper when you get old and senile”
And block every single of them who sides with your mom, aunt, cousin
OOP: Honestly, you have no idea how much I needed to read this. I’ve been tying myself in knots for days trying to figure out what to say to them, or if I should say anything at all.
My first instinct was to write like a long, drawn-out message. You know, that kind where I try to apologize for the timing and my specific wording, but then follow it up with a strongly-worded “but I will never apologize for defending Layla.” I wanted to play peacemaker and warrior at the same time, and it was just making my head spin.
The thing that’s been eating at me is that I want them to understand I’m not picking a “new” family over an “old” one. It’s just… right and wrong. If I had seen Mark do that to a complete stranger I’d just met a m…
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