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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-09-13 06:05:52+00:00.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/notinvitedtotheparty

Me [26F] with my friend’s gf [25F] she wants us to leave our house so she can host a small party with her friends.

Original Post Feb 5, 2015

My boyfriend and I (been together for 2 years) bought a house about six months ago and we’ve been renting out the spare bedroom to his best friend, we’ll call him James. We also have a 5-month old puppy who we got when we bought the house.

James has been with his girlfriend, we’ll call her Amy, for a little over a year now. She is at our house very often and we don’t mind her being there. Amy is nice, but she is very socially awkward. My bf and I have tried to get to know her, but she shows little interest in us. She never talks to us unless we say something to her, and often times she shows no interest in getting to know us. Sometimes she doesn’t want to say hi to us when we come home.

Amy has a group of friends who we’ve hung out with once before, but it was hard to have conversations with them because they were all high at the time (we weren’t, btw). We didn’t judge, but it was hard to have a conversation with someone who clearly wasn’t in the right mind to respond. But ever since then she has never invited us to go out together ever again. We just chalked it up to her being weird, and just left it at that. James is aware that she is very particular about who she hangs out with.

A few days ago, James mentioned that him and Amy want to have a get-together with a few friends at our house on Wednesday night (yesterday) and wanted to know if we were ok with that. My bf and I didn’t mind, because the guests are Amy’s friends that we met once before. We just told them not to get to noisy and to clean up afterwards.

I came back from work last night and people are just starting to show up for the party. I briefly say hi, then go upstairs to freshen up. Then Amy comes into my room and says “Hey, I’m sorry but we actually want some privacy for the night. Do you think you and [bf] could go somewhere for a few hours?” I was confused. I told her that James asked if it was ok to have a party and we all agreed… but nothing about us not being allowed in the house. She said that James should’ve made it clear. I told her, “I’m sorry but I can’t. I have to take care of the puppy, and there really isn’t a place I can take him for a few hours.” Her response? “Oh, you can leave him here. We really like the dog, and we’ll take care of him.” I told her I wasn’t comfortable leaving the dog with strangers. She wouldn’t give up.

I simply told her no again, that she and James are free to have friends over, but that she can’t expect us to leave our own home and our puppy behind. She seemed frustrated, especially when my bf came home. I kept the puppy in our room most of the time (we have the master bedroom and it’s pretty big). I told my bf of the situation and he was pretty confused by it as well. The party went off without a hitch and everything was fine. Or so we thought.

James texted us this morning telling us that Amy was really upset that we ruined her party and humiliated her in front of her guests. Apparently when we first hung out with her friends, Amy was upset that we didn’t make an effort to get to know them. She said that we weren’t very friendly to them and that’s why she couldn’t bring us around anymore. Except when we first hung out with them… they were high and couldn’t even muster a response to us. But that doesn’t matter apparently; Amy didn’t want us hanging out with her friends because she didn’t think we would get along based on that one time.

James is asking us to cut him a break and apologize to her, because she’s been having a rough time and really needed this party to relax. Absolutely not. I told James that it doesn’t matter how rough her life is: it’s extremely rude to tell us, the homeowners, that we have to vacate our own home so she can have a party. My bf also reiterated this to him in a separate text conversation. I told James that if anything, Amy should apologize for how rude she’s handled this situation and how rude she’s been in general, citing the past few times we’ve tried to be friendly to her but instead she get coldness in return. I told him I’d only accept an apology from her in person, because all of this is coming secondhand from James; Amy has not said a word to us about this.

Whether I like it or not, James is still dating Amy and there’s nothing I can do about it. Amy will most likely be around pretty often (because she lives with her parents), but I don’t know how to diffuse the situation going forward. Am I in the wrong here? How do I handle Amy in the future?

tl;dr: Our friend and his gf wanted to host a few friends at a house we own and live in. Turns out the gf wanted it to be a private party, and asked us to leave our home for a few hours. We said no, and now she’s mad. What should I do to help resolve the situation?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

TOP COMMENTS

pienoceros

Easy, peasy. Either limit Amy to no more than two nights a week or she pays rent or banish her altogether, and under no circumstances is she allowed to invite people to your home. If she wants to entertain, she will do it in her own home, even if she lives with her parents.

She’s not so socially awkward that she’s above taking advantage of someone’s kindness.

Edit: And the more I think about her being rude to you in your own home, where she is a guest, the more pissed I get. I lean more and more towards banishment.

~

stefaniey

Let’s get this straight.

You OWN your home, that James RENTS a ROOM in. Amy does not pay anything towards her use of the house as she does NOT LIVE there.

Amy demanded use of YOUR home because she felt you were rude to her high friends.

Now James has his pants in a twist because Amy thinks you’re being inconsiderate for not vacating your home so she, the one who actually doesn’t live there or pay rent, could use it.

Use. She’s a user. She should not be welcome in the house if she thinks it’s appropriate to behave like an entitled brat. James can pull his head in; he just rents the room, he doesn’t have the right to tell you to apologise to his bratty girlfriend and you owe her nothing.

Tell James that his lease won’t be renewed and until then, Amy is not welcome in the house at all.

OOP Added in the comments about evicting James

A lot of the comments are telling us to evict James, but I don’t agree. James and my bf has been lifelong friends since childhood (their moms have been friends since grade school). My bf has had some really really rough times growing up, and James was there to support him. Because of that, and the fact that James is in a tight spot financially, my bf rents the room to James at a lower rate than normal (our area is very expensive). Given their history, I don’t think he has the heart to kick him out with no where to go over something he didn’t do.

I don’t feel it’s right to evict James for something Amy did. James is very timid and soft-spoken and Amy is pretty much the opposite. Not to mention James has been in some pretty dysfunctional relationships and Amy is really the only relatively ‘good’ relationship he’s been in. I feel he’s only sticking up for her for fear of being lonely and single again. My bf and I don’t think she’s right for him, but who are we to tell him who to date?

Update Feb 9 , 2015 (4 days later)

First off, thanks for everyone and their advice. I didn’t think this post would get as much attention as it did. A lot of people were angry for us, and it was nice to know that I wasn’t being unreasonable. This update isn’t quite as dramatic but I figure people would want to know our resolution.

A lot of comments were saying we should evict James, but I wasn’t ok with that. As I said in the comments of my last post, James is a childhood friend of my bf (their moms have been friends since grade school) and he supported him through some tough times growing up. Money is a little tight for James, so my bf wanted to help him out much like he did for him. We also didn’t like the idea of “banishing” Amy because we inadvertently would’ve been responsible for ruining their relationship and we didn’t want to deal with that.

On Friday night we sat down with James and Amy to talk them about the situation. We told them that we didn’t appreciate being told to leave our house and our dog behind so that they could have a party. James had only given us a heads up that they would be having friends over, and nothing more. Amy interjected and said that we were the ones being rude, and that we should’ve left because they should be allowed to have friends over because we have people over all the time. While that’s true, we never asked James and Amy to leave, in fact, we invite them to hang out with our friends when they come over!

Amy said that we couldn’t have stayed and hung out with her friends because she didn’t think that we get along that well. My bf and I are working professionals in good career fields and her friends don’t make as much…

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