This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Vixrotre on 2025-09-13 20:11:13+00:00.

Originally posted to Ask A Manager.

First BORU post by u/penandpaper30 from 4 years ago here, first repost by u/ricewinechicken from 3 years ago here.

Mood Spoiler - upsetting

Original post - 8 March 2017

Three weeks ago one of my coworkers lost a relative. She has been off work on bereavement and family leave. Our boss isn’t happy with her being off for so long. Since it is out of his control and he doesn’t get to approve or deny her leave in this case (the HR department is in charge of that) I have been doing my best to ignore him whenever he complains.

Last week my boss gave me an envelope with my coworker’s name on it and told me to leave it at the grave of my coworker’s relative. He said it was a condolence card at first, but I didn’t buy it because our work had already sent a card. When I asked him about it again, he said it was a note with some work-related items only she knows about and he needs answers ASAP and she won’t answer her (personal, not work) phone when he calls her. He gave me directions to the cemetery and everything.

Alison, I hope you don’t judge me for this but I did what he said and brought the envelope to the grave. I don’t know if she has seen it yet. I am horrified and disgusted with this. I am disgusted with myself. My boss threatened my job if I didn’t but it’s still no excuse. I don’t even have a year of work experience not counting internships in college. I was scared of being fired and so I did it. But now I’m disgusted with myself and I don’t know what I should do about this. I imagine telling my boss off or telling his boss but I’m scared to actually do it. I wish I had never delivered the letter but I don’t know what to do next. Any help or tips you or your readers have for me would be so helpful.

First update - 8 August 2017

I went back to the cemetery because I felt so bad, but the note wasn’t there and I felt sick to my stomach after that. I was hoping the gardener or someone from the cemetery cleared it away but either my coworker or someone in her family found it. I was going to tell HR but I didn’t get a chance because it was found first.

My coworker was so mad. She emailed other people at work to tell them what happened and came in to the HR office even though she was still on leave and made a scene. She left in tears. The note was clearly from our boss but he denied leaving it there and said I delivered it. He had emailed me about going to deliver something and I said “okay” but nowhere in the email did it say what the note was. He only told me when I went to get it from him.

He denied threatening my job and the HR department was angry at me for delivering the note to the grave instead of bringing it to them and telling them what happened. I never confronted him either or told HR about it. I was going to but my coworker went to them first. Someone else we work with (I don’t know who) told my coworker it was me who delivered it. She sent me an email saying I’m a horrible person. There were no threats in it and has been no other contact from her so there is nothing I can do about the email. She sent our boss a similar email. Besides telling people at work, she called a few of our clients and told them too. There was so much backlash from both my coworkers and the clients. I was fired along with our boss. No one from HR or any of my coworkers supported me and they blamed me as much as my boss.

I couldn’t get unemployment because I had not worked for a full 12 months and also because I was fired for misconduct. I have been looking for a new job but I haven’t found anything yet. I have been temping in a field that is related to the field my old job was in but is separate enough I feel I can make a new start. The field is also relevant to my degree. I am planning on leaving my old job off my resume after what happened and because I was there for less then a year. Even though this was my first job ever, I did an internship each summer when I was in college and between those and temping I’m hoping it’s enough experience to find a job. Given how the economy and job market is, I am hoping it won’t look strange for someone to have not found a full time job a year after they graduated. I don’t want to go back to the same field because my coworker told so many people from inside and outside of the company and every single person supported her and blamed me and our boss. I still live at home and feel fortunate that my parents have said I can stay until I can afford to live on my own.

I regret what I did and I’m still upset with myself over my actions. I wish I had not been fired but I realize there is nothing I can do about it no matter how I feel. I hope to make a new start in a new field.

Last update - 26 December 2017

I saw your post where you called for updates on past letters. I don’t have anything exciting to add or let you know about. I haven’t found a permanent job yet.

On the upside, I have been temping and/or working contract jobs which has given me tons of experience and new skills in the related industry I hope to find work in.

I figure it is only a matter of time before I find a permanent job. I need to keep looking. I am sure all of your posts on Ask a Manager will help in that regard.

I am appreciative of the supportive words from you and in all the comments.

Although my parents and other family and friends have been nothing but supportive and good to me, they all agree that I should have gone to HR right away and not delivered the note. But no one has said anything negative or I deserved to be fired or anything like that. Thank you again.

THIS IS A REPOST - I AM NOT THE OOP