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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/aarongalve on 2023-09-06 14:09:34.
Very long story very long read and yes this is all from my perspective with every detail. Also sorry for bad grammar I am not the best at it mainly because I’m honestly crying while typing.
TLDR
GF goes to party, adds some dude on insta later after the party, they snap each other too. Doesn’t tell me anything. I bring it up and freak out because I’ve been stalking them two for weeks. I think she cheated. We both fight over text. Break happens. She still is snapping and probably messaging this guy.
Start:
Okay me (M22) my gf (f22). We have been together for a little bit over a year and 4 months. Usually we have a monogamous relationship and her friends are my friends vice versa. She doesn’t talk to any guys outside of her girlfriends boyfriends, who I am good friends with. For context the party consists mostly of Indian people this will be important later on.
Well one night she went to one of her friends birthday parties. Its at a college at an apartment. I know this friend as I used to work with her. Its whatever I know my girlfriend wouldn’t do anything bad and I inherently trust her because usually she tells me if guys hit her up and stuff when she goes to clubs and bars.
Well for reference I pick her up at 12:30 AM at the afterparty (she told me to come get her). The first party ended early. I was texting her and she is obviously immediately responding telling me to wait a sec. So I waited. after about 30mins I call her. No answer but she texts me telling me sorry and to wait a little more. I wait more and then I call her again. No answer and she texts me immediately to give her more time. Okay fine. I wait. In total I wait about 2 HOURS. Its 2:30AM I have work at 8AM and she knows this. I call her and she tells me her friend will talk to me to help me find the place to pick her up. I roll around and I pick her up. Its her friends sister (The friend I already knew and worked with). And some guys there talking waiting with them for me.
The friends sister helps put my girlfriend into the car. My girlfriends tells me to IMMEDITLY LEAVE. With almost tears in her eyes. She ends up crying. I ask her what’s wrong and no answer. I ask if anything happened at the party, she responds with “no nothing happened” I kept on bugging her because I’ve never seen her cry after a party and also she usually is all over me after one and during this time she was sitting in the seat quiet. She at this point is already passing out black out drunk. I call up her sister when we get to her house and safely drop her home with her sister. (my suspicions were already rising like a gut feeling that something happened because this is not normal from her).
So next day she is obviously hungover. She refuses to throw up alch. Fast forward. A week later I think, after a couple of dates together and spending good time with her. But I notice she added a guy on Instagram I cant remember why I looked but that’s besides the point. Actually wait its because she usually doesn’t add people too often so I get curious. Its not too many people so I just check. I know it does sound kind of crazy but this is the one time it mattered. So this guy on his bio has the Indian flag and the location of the Uni party where my GF was at a bit ago. So in essence good chance my gf gave her socials to this guy because how else could he have gotten it. I just keep note of this guy. But at this point it starts to bother me and I kind of wait it out for a good time to confront her. (for context usually she would tell me if she added a guy on Instagram and its usually for a good reason like “I’m stalking for one of my girls” which is totally fine to me.)
So couple days pass by and I use snapchat just to keep streaks with my guys friends. The guy from Instagram pops up as “you might know” which means one of my friends on snapchat has this guy added and me added. I have no connection with this guy other than the random friend that also added him. Since its the guy from my girlfriends insta that she added I check her snap score. I write it down just incase. (btw my gf doesn’t use snap and the score hasn’t gone up for a couple months and if it did it was only once or twice mainly because we don’t use snap at all anymore it was the app we used when we first started dating, that and Instagram since then we moved to apple msg.)
So I end up noticing my GF is active on snapchat again. Weird. I see her score go up multiple times. I sit on this for another week watching it go up maybe 3-6+ everyday. Its especially weird because she doesn’t use snap at all unless its her cousins who they use text feature for anyways and not sending that many snaps. At this point its obvious guys, she is snapping the dude she added from the party. She never mentioned this to me and at this point I’m just adding up all the clues. I sit on this for a while with a sick feeling in my gut. Very sick feeling. The feeling of all your intestines dropping onto the floor.
We have another date but with her friends. Honestly was a fun date, she acted normal and I played along even though I knew something was up. In the middle of her talking with her girls and me with the boys. I check my snapchat and check her score. (remember I’m keeping track because its suspicious.) And I see the snap score go up I look up at her and she is on her phone. Me having the WILL OF GOD holding my guts together even though it hurts so bad, I don’t confront her about it.
Eventually the next day we were supposed to hang out together and she skipped on me. Makes sense she was tired from going to the gym with her friend and shopping. (btw we had a museum date planned for that day) I’m kind of annoyed but it isn’t the first time. Also during this her snap score continues to go up 3-6+ through out the day.
Next day rolls by and I have to work. But during work I was texting her and she wasn’t responding immediately. She told me that day she was staying at home doing chores and homework. So I get curious and check her location since sometimes she might be out with her mom and brother grocery shopping. Her location is off. Weird. So I asked her why it was off and she got defensive telling me that she must have turned it off from a couple days ago when we went out on a date (to hide from her mom). But I know because recently I’m on high alert from that guy. I also notice her snap score continue to go up again 3-6+ through out the day. Weird she got defensive she usually never does. I assume she isn’t at home and she sends me a picture of her room. She later never turned it back on because she got mad at me asking why it was off.
This is when I bring up that I’m bothered by something and asked if we could speak later after my work. Which she says yes to. Fast forward through work I get out and text her that I am coming over. She says her dad is at home and for me to not come. Okay that’s fine I can wait it out. Then after waiting she says her head hurts and doesn’t want to. At this point she is avoiding me or at least I think. I get home and she asks me what was bothering me. This is where I SPILL IT ALL.
I ask about the indian guy she added. She admits he asked her for her socials and she willingly gave it to him. Btw this is a party where my gf was black out drunk by the end of it. She told me he was nice to her and everything.
And her words in quotations after me asking why did she add him “cuz he requested me? He asked me for it. I didn’t see anything wrong with it”.
So I continue on asking “so a random guy at a part when you are drunk asks for your socials and you give it”
in which she responds with “Yup I don’t see anything wrong with it”
I further investigate and ask if he dm’d her. She said yes and told me he sent her some memes and that was about it.
(((((BTW she doesn’t know that I know about the snapchat part yet.)))))
I ask her if she added him on snap and she responds with “Yea I do ig we added each other there as well”. At this point im furious. She also says “He wasn’t flirting with me or anything”
Then I tell her that its fucked up and that I knew in my guts that she was talking to this guy. She responds with “just cuz he’s a guy, am I not allowed to have any guy friends” “its normal chill plus were not even texting or anything just added each other, just the memes”. This is where I talk about the snapchat part and I tell her I see her snap him every single day. This is where she responds with Her friend snaps her and her cousins. (I know they don’t I’ve fact checked that one above). So an obvious lie.
I freak out and tell her to just go hang out with that guy instead of me. I’m furious at this point and I let my intrusive thoughts win instead of thinking over my texts. So I call her so we can talk. She doesn’t answer she tells me she is downstairs with her mom. I tell her why the fuck does she think this is okay to meet up with a guy at the party and him asking for socials and her connecting with him. She tells me that they were talking in the party like normal people. I start saying stuff that was kinda mean things like “do i not work 12 hrs every day and go to school just for our future”
She then says “I cant have a social life, a normal one?”
At this point my spirit is broken I go full insecure mode. I start asking questions about myself, I’m self doubting through text. Things like “are they attractive to you?” “am I not good enough”.
I then ask for proof. Proof that t…
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