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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ConcentrateSudden119 on 2023-09-06 17:02:42.

So my husband and I both grew up Jewish but he grew up ultra orthodox and I grew up totally secular. We met when i wanted to become more religious but now we’re both don’t identify as Jewish religiously anymore. It’s also important to add here that my husband and his brother have had an extremely tense relationship for the past ten years or so that my husband now wants to repair but it seems like it is my husband doing all of the work and compromise and his brother doing none of it.

anyway when someone died in judaism their family does something called sitting shiva and people go visit them for a week. Also every night there is a prayer service that requires ten adult jews. Here’s the messed up sexist part, the only ones who count for this prayer service are men. Adult women literally don’t count as people. This is one of the main reasons we left judaism all together.

So my husband’s brother’s wife had her mother die recently. my husband thought it would be good to go to the father in laws house to pay our respects. I said no, I really can’t handle that environment. He said it was important to him to come so I came. The only request I had is that we go before the prayer service and don’t stay for it.

Well my husband didn’t listen to me. We went too late because he got home from work late and his brother asked him to be a part of the prayer service because without him they’d need to call another man. I was giving my husband eye daggers and he literally looked me in the eyes and said sure. I got so mad that I took our car home.

My husband came home later and was like wtf and I just ignored him. I feel betrayed. He knows how unsafe those spaces make me feel and that I compromised by even going there. Im always compromising for the sake of his family and putting my own morals and ethics aside and biting my tongue. I had one request and he ignored it.

So now I’m ignoring him. I even locked the door to our bedroom last night. He keeps trying to talk to me but if the first words out of his mouth aren’t sorry I don’t want to hear it. Now he’s sending me a long passive aggressive text monolog that doesn’t even include the word sorry or any attempt at an apology. In fact he thinks I should apologize to him for taking the car, which is my car I drove there.

AITA