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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/MapCritical8176 on 2023-09-07 00:51:14.

I(41F) have 3 sons(twins who are 12, and a 10 year old). All of my sons started doing chores around 8 and started getting allowances for their chores at 10 years old. Chores are only mandatory 5 days out of the week, I don’t care what time a day they choose to get them done. As long as they are done by the end of the day. I made it clear to my boys once they started earning money that they would be getting 10 dollars a day for everyday they complete their chore. If they fail to do so, then 10 dollars would be deducted. It has been that way for 2 years for my eldest boys and a couple of months for youngest. Allowance is always paid out every Wednesday, and I encourage them to save enough to take with them on the weekend to their dads in case they go somewhere fun or see something cool that they might want but dad might not be okay with spending money on. This system has worked swimmingly for us since it started, the boys have always complied with completing their chores.

However, one of my 12 year olds refused to do his chore of the week (sweeping down stairs and wiping down surfaces) for 3 days. The first 2 days he did so without problem, but when his friend asked him to play on Fortnite with him, my son asked for 15 minutes to complete his chore before he got onto the PlayStation. His friend asked what chore he had to do, so my son told him. In response, my son’s friend said “it’s a good thing my parents don’t make me do girl chores.” I spoke with my son and explained to him that knowing how to clean was not specific to any gender, that it was a life skill everyone needed to know. I also told him that I understood that other family’s functioned differently; however, in our family, everyone did an equal share. Even after speaking with him the first day he decided to not do his chore, he still chose not to do his chores, so like agreed I took 10 dollars out of his allowance for each day he didn’t do, which allotted to him only having 20 dollars in his allowance; whereas his brothers had 50.

The problem comes where my son was so upset about the lack of money in his allowance that he called his dad about it very upset. My ex husband then proceeded to call me and tell me that I’m in the wrong for only giving him $20 and to imagine how it makes him feel that his brothers got more than he did. I explained to him that our other sons actually did their chores for all 5 days, so they were rewarded accordingly. And assured him that if he had decided to start giving the boys an allowance then he can run allowance however he wanted, but this was ultimately the system I had come up with. My ex husband told me that I am being insensitive and humiliating our son. AITA?