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The original was posted on /r/2westerneurope4u by /u/geosunsetmoth on 2025-09-26 10:14:13+00:00.

I love me some Escargot, right.

Everyone does. Mmmm yummy delicious buttery herby snails. In fact, I thought I was le king of snails.

Dear fucking god I was not ready for what I saw in Lisbon. João is eating snail after snail after snail after snail. You walk down the street, every restaurant has big signs saying WE HAVE SNAILS!. Not any other dish gets this treatment, it’s just SNAILS. SNAILS HERE! WE HAVE SNAILS. COME EAT SNAILS HERE. You see on the sidwalk people eating snail after snail after snail. On the sidewalk. In bars and their Tascas and whatever. So much snail, everywhere.

They don’t even get that delectable sweet buttery seasoned snail that we love in France. No no no. They are raw dogging them. It’s not a sweet restrained plate with 8-12 escargots in butter; they are getting 67 snails in a bowl no butter no nothing they are raw dogging that shit.

If you go to the supermarket you buy snails on a plastic bag. It’s a bagful of snails. They dont measure like hullo hullo I want to buy 20 snails. They measure it by the gram. They’re like hello mr. Supermarket guy I want 700 grams of snails. They walk around with big transparent bags full of snails inside.

Do not, I repeat, do NOT go to Lisbon if you are a snail. Mes frères en France, we are dethroned. Demolished. We are humiliated. Our snail-eating habits are shameful, and frankly, cowardly in the light of these barbarian Portuguese. At least we keep our refined palate as these monsters munch on their disgusting-looking crude and barbarish snails much unlike the ones we have in France.