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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/LegitimateParfait516 on 2023-09-07 12:35:45.

Hello,

My brother got married at the beginning of this year, just the two of them giving a signature in a courthouse. Now they are having a „summer party“ where they will be celebrating both his and her birthday and their wedding. It is very informal, starts at 7pm and takes place in a pub. Food is just some wraps and they even allocated a budget where people have to pay for their own drinks at some point. There might be some children attending but only locally for an hour or two. Not ceremony or anything wedding-related. Husband and I have been debating to not attend for weeks and months due to several reasons, which is mostly because it is very challenging with our 1-year old toddler. The location is very child-unfriendly, rather small, no outdoor space (it’s a pub). It starts at 7pm and even when we are stretching her bed time we could attend for maximum 2 hours. Which we would be happy to do, but the wedding is 8 hours drive (one way!) away. That means we need to cramp our kid into the car for 16 hours on a weekend to attend a party for 2 hours. In addition, my brother and me are not on good terms and have barely spoken since Christmas (where he told me, as a childfree person that I make everything around my child and use it as an excuse - Baby wasn’t even a year old and I was a SAHM then). All of this gives me the biggest stomachache aches when I think about it. When I mentioned that I was thinking of not attending to my mom (for months), she told me that we need to suck it up, and kids were always attending weddings and should be a part of it (completely ignoring the specific circumstances). At some point she tried to command me to go (which I shut down - I am in my 30s). When I raised my thoughts to my brother he seemed upset and raised that he attended our wedding (which was indeed the same distance, but we had a ceremony, it was an entire day, big space that was child-friendly and also had foods, drinks etc, and of course they also didn’t have kids to bring). I feel like an asshole for thinking about skipping the party, but driving for 16 hours to attend a casual „summer party“ for 2 hours (spending of course a couple of hundred dollars), seems stressful. Also, if we don’t go this will create lots of drama in the family.