**I am NOT the Original Poster (OP).** That is [u/uglywoman](https://www.reddit.com/user/uglywoman/), who originally posted...
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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/hyunyyeon on 2025-10-05 19:12:12+00:00.

I am NOT the Original Poster (OP). That is u/uglywoman, who originally posted in r/relationships.

Previous BoRU was posted by u/rainingsakuras

Trigger Warning: body shaming, negative self-image

Mood Spoiler: may this type of love find me one day

Original Post: November 19, 2012

I am an unattractive woman, objectively. I’ve always been this way and while I have accustomed myself to it, it nonetheless remains a daily fact that being an ugly woman sucks.

I met my husband four years ago and he is greatest thing thats ever happened to me. He has always and frequently told me im beautiful, and somehow sounded honest, without sounding like my mother - like someone without another option to awnser.

last night (Saturday) he had a group of friends over to our home, they meet several times a month to hangout, catch up and play games. He has known most of these guys since highschool. I was upstairs in the kitchen preparing a drinks and snacks when and was able to hear them in the basement and began to eavesdrop (which I know was rude but it wasn’t really intentional). I realized they were talking about me, a couple of guys were teasing my husband about me, specifically about my looks. I could tell it was supposed to be funny. It was not.

There was a point where one of them refered to me as a “troll” and my husband blew up, started shouting. "listen, SHUT THE FUCK UP. I know that [my name] is ugly but shut up. She makes me happy. Does your bimbo of the week do that jim? Dave how long has it been since we’ve hungout and you haven’t bitched about your wife? " (not real names)

He went on for a while, “defending” me. But all I could hear was " I know shes ugly, I know shes ugly, I know shes ugly" again and again in my head. It just broke me I don’t know why. I’ve always know im unattractive but HE isn’t supposed too! He tells me im beautiful so sincerely and consistently i’d started to actually believe he thought that.

I started to cry and ran into a shower so no one could hear me. When I came out and hour later everyone had gone home, far earlier then normal. I went to bed and then haven’t spoken too him all day today, but I think i’ve been able to avoid letting him know im upset, or avoiding him. I know rationally that what he said was true and sweet, and that I sound be happy he loves me and not my body but IT DOESN’T SEEM TO MATTER. I just want to be pretty. God I feel so shallow. Ive been crying all day. What do I say to him? Part of me wants to call him a liar to scream and yell and cry, while the other part just wants to run away and never have to talk to him again and acknowledge that even the greatest man I will ever meet can’t find me attractive.

TL;DR Overheard husband admit to friends that I am ugly. Even although I knew this to be true already and the admitting happened in the midst of him explaining how much he loves me, it makes me feel terrible, worthless and like I lost something i’d waited my whole life for, i’d given up hope i’d ever have a partner who even liked me before I met him. I lost a lottery spectacularly at birth, and my life feels like a big joke a cycle of humiliation and punishment I did nothing to deserve. I don’t even know how to talk to him.

OOP in Comments: Wow this exploded overnight! I went to bed right after posting and never expected so much of a response.

I can’t tell you what a nice surprise this is to wake up to, all the wonderful things you guys have said. Im going to talk to my husband today after he gets home. There is no way I can reply to all of these comments but I promise ive read them each and every one.

thannk you :)

Relevant/Top Comments

Commenter 1 (jpease): To put his sentiments another way, “You and I both know there are more beautiful women, but not to me.”

Commenter 2 (Delores_Herbig): That’s sweet. And probably is exactly what he meant.

Commenter 3 (deleted): Yep. When you’re fighting with your “friends” you’re not at your most eloquent in the heat of the moment and all.

Commenter 4 (Phantoom): Seriously. I know hearing this must have hurt, but a lot of women would KILL for a guy that stood up for them like this. It actually sounds like your husband puts the correct amount of emphasis on looks, and YOU are focusing too much on them.

You’ve got a keeper on your hands.

Commenter 5 (istara): I am so very sorry this happened to you. My heart breaks for you, because the pressure and value on us women to be “beautiful” is just immense and lifelong.

However, just because your husband may objectively perceive that you are “ugly” that does not mean he is not attracted to you. It is possible to be incredibly homely and immensely sexy. (And the reverse - there are beautiful people that can leave you cold, even make your flesh creep).

I think that what your husband really meant was: “I know that [my wife] is ugly according to social convention, but to me she is a beautiful person, a loving and sexy woman, and I find her as attractive as someone with slightly more even features, or longer legs, or whatever”. He didn’t say all that because he lost his cool, and because it’s hard to articulate it.

But he loves you. That’s what you need to focus on.

I also think that you need to differentiate between beauty and attractiveness. The latter is far more about confidence, attitude, personality, style. If you’ve been burying yourself away a bit because of your concerns, then don’t. Step out. Fuck the world. You have what millions of far more “beautiful” women and men never will: someone who loves you for you.

Commenter 6 (boethius_tcop): This nails it. And I would just add:

As a guy who has fallen for girls all across the “pretty” spectrum, you do know when the girl you find so beautiful isn’t considered so by most people. Sad, but true. But you know what? Other than the more vain among us, the response in this situation is usually, “fuck 'em - who cares what people think?”

When a guy really falls in love with a girl, he looks at her face, he look in her eyes, and he thinks - almost with resignation - “I really don’t know what I would change. She’s beautiful.” And if he’s lucky, and things work out, and they build a happy life together, that feeling, while still true, grows into something more, because she becomes a part of him. Looks? Those are for the people on the outside; they’re inside each other now. And when people reach that point, there’s still an attraction, sure, but they really don’t think of things in those terms anymore. They’re too close for that.

I think you should just tell your husband how you feel. I think it will break his heart to see how much hurt he caused you, but I also think he’ll see you feel better by talking to him, and he would take that trade, every single time.

Look, it sucks you heard what you heard, I know, I’m sorry. But seriously, keep things in perspective.

Tl;dr: love is so much more important than pretty.

Update: November 21, 12 (2 Days Later)

This one turned out really long, sorry.

First off, I’d just like to say thanks. Just wow. Over the last two days I’ve had literally hundreds of messages (and PMs), you guys rock. Seriously look at that thread, thats got to have one best positivity and sweetness to meaness and jerks ratios on all of reddit, like ever. You guys knocked it out of the park for me, I’m still figure out why.

So yesterday after getting a barrage of support from you guys on my phone every couple minutes non-stop all day, I decided to try and confront my husband over what I’d over heard. After we were both home from work I told him I needed to talk. I told him I’d over heard him and his friends and he immediately started to apologize for them saying they were jerks and assholes and that I should have told him I’d heard.

I had to stop him to let me get a word in and tell him it wasn’t his friends so much as it was what HE said. When I told him what he said his whole tone changed, I could tell wasn’t expecting to be blamed. I had had the whole conversation planned out; I wanted to explain how it made me feel, how I thought he really was attracted to me and how betrayed it made me feel to hear him that behind my back.

but I just started to cry, and couldn’t really communicate what I wanted to say very well. He was awesome tho and just held me, and then after a minute started to speak like he was reading right out of the nicest comments in the original thread, telling me he was just angry and didn’t speak very well. That he really does find me attractive even if the world doesn’t, and his friends don’t.

I calmed down pretty quick; I’d basically cried myself out the day before. He took me to his computer and showed me an email he sent to all of his friends on Sunday. I wish I could copy paste it now, but he basically called all his friends assholes, said they’d crossed the line from go…

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1nyx4vw/repost_husband_30m_admits_i_28f_am_ugly/

  • Spacehooks@reddthat.comMEnglish
    1·
    5 days ago

    I calmed down pretty quick; I’d basically cried myself out the day before. He took me to his computer and showed me an email he sent to all of his friends on Sunday. I wish I could copy paste it now, but he basically called all his friends assholes, said they’d crossed the line from good natured trash talk to just being assholes and then continued going far beyond. He said that, for time indefinite they’d have to find another host, were no longer welcome in my home (he actually said “[my name]'s home”, I thought that would make it sound like I was ordering him around being a bitch, but he said he just wanted to empathize how wrong what they were doing was). Seeing him stand up for me again made me happy, especially seeing me do it without talking bad about me, helping me believe it really was just heat of the moment bad word choice.

    He told me to wait in the room and left, coming back with a folder. He said he was going to give me this for Christmas but that he’d get me something else. I tried to say no but he insisted. It was plane tickets and brochures. He’s set up a trip in early January to this spa/hotel/resort thing in British Columbia. It was pretty mind blowing.

    But I realized that it had to be several thousand dollars he’d spent. We budget pretty thoroughly, he shouldn’t have been able to spend that without me noticing. I asked where he got the money and he said he’d been planning this for more then a year and saving all the money assigned to his weekly spending money, and collecting where I wouldn’t notice, change from groceries, etc.

    When I say that sometimes I’m not sure I deserve him, understand that I’m not having a crisis I need help dealing with, he’s just really awesome. He’s taking me out for dinner, so I have to go, but I’ll be on again tonight.

    TL;DR Everything is ok. Husband is an amazing person. I still wish I was prettier but understand how lucky I am, how happy I should be, and how prettiness and happiness are not synonyms. Thank you reddit for all the support, I owe you guys.