This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/exmormon by /u/PranaJunkie419 on 2025-10-06 11:15:44+00:00.

My dad had an older sister who was born with a bad ticker. In 1958, when my dad was 7 years old my grandparents drove my 17 year old aunt from Idaho to San Francisco for a new surgery to fix her heart. The story goes that the surgery was so successful, and her heart so strong, that it caused a rupture in the aorta coming out of the heart. The aorta was weak, they say, because it never had to experience real pressure from the heart. My aunt died and this crushed my grandparents and the whole family 16 years before I was born.

The last thing my aunt said to my 7 year old dad was to implore him to be a good boy and keep the commandments so he’d be worthy of his upcoming baptism. The next year my dad took his 8 year old baptism more seriously than I can ever imagine and he’s been TBM ever since. I know that my dad’s seriousness about the church stems from the trauma caused by his sister’s death along with subsequent other losses; families can be together forever and all that.

I didn’t watch conference, but I did listen to the Radio Free Mormon recap and I was struck by the similarities between Oaks weeping 86 years after loosing his dad and my dad loosing his sister. I often wonder if my dad just won’t let his mind go to “what if it isn’t true?” because doing so would threaten the hope of that traumatized 7 year old kid who hasn’t healthily cycled through the grief process.

And often on here people ask: “do the leaders know it isn’t true?” I think for Oaks the answer might be “no, he doesn’t know it’s not true” because maybe the traumatized little 7 year old kid who lost his dad that dwells inside his crusty old soul won’t let him consider such a thing. Don’t get me wrong though, I still think he’s a colossal dick. But he’s a colossal dick with a very human ticker. Hurt people hurt people.