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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-10-08 04:00:03+00:00.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwRAfreud

I look exactly like my (24F) fiancé’s (28M) mother

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

TRIGGER WARNING: incest, controlling behavior, gaslighting mood

MOOD SPOILER: icky ick ick ick!

Original Post - rareddit Oct 9, 2022

I (24F) have been with my fiancé (28M) for the past five years and engaged for the past year. He’s the love of my life and we get along very well.

He’s always has a strange adoration for his mother. He usually talks about how smart, how kind, how funny she is. I always thought it was sweet because I don’t have a good relationship with my mother. He often said I have the same personality type as his mother too, we’re both INTP’s.

During our whole relationship, I hadn’t met his family. We live in Germany, they’re in the US. We’re currently visiting them now.

When I met her, I really liked her. She’s 64 so I didn’t notice our resemblance at first, but when I looked at her wedding photos with my fiance’s father, I really look like I could be her daughter. Even my fiance’s father pointed it out.

We’re both have curly ginger hair and green eyes, and we both have bangs. We are a similar height and build. It’s so eerie. If you compare a photo of her in her youth with me, we look like we could be sisters. His mother is also a fan of red lipstick. Guess what colour the lipsticks he buys me are. Red.

I asked a few friends what they thought, and they said this obviously can’t be a coincidence. I decided to speak to him before bed yesterday and I pointed out how similar I was to him mother. He shrugged and said people usually choose partners who are similar to their parents. I didn’t believe him but he showed me some articles on Google. I tried to let it go today, but I met some more of his relatives and everyone is talking about how his mother and I look like we’re related. His mother finds this whole thing cute and has said ‘my son misses me so much when he’s in Germany that he found my lookalike!’.

How do I approach a conversation with him about this again? Or am I just overreacting and should I let it go? I would love some advice :)

RELEVANT COMMENTS

alliandoalice

Lmao change your appearance and update us

Super_Ordinary2801

Omg this is such a good idea I hope she tries it

OOP

I am! I will be using some temporary dye on my hair

Super_Ordinary2801

What colour are you going for? I feel like dark would be better because you’re ginger so it’s a more drastic change than blonde but if you wanted to go back it might ruin the colour maybe.

OOP

I’ve got a few bottles of brown root spray. It’s a dark brown. I’m gonna try it out after I wash my hair

~

lunera419 2122

Sigmund Freud has entered the chat

~

Appropriate_Title135

Freud would love him

Specialist_Stress635

Not the oedipus complex

~

Proud-Complex-5267

Do you feel like you have a mothering role in the relationship?

OOP

I don’t think so. He works more hours than me and earns more so he pays for most of our expenses. I handle most of the housework and cooking

PersistNevertheless

But isn’t that traditionally the mother role, cooking and cleaning?

~

SupremeCultist

I think you are reading to much into it. I would not stress over it untill he calls you mommy during sex

OOP

you’re not gonna like what I’m about to tell you

Dirty_Questions69

Does he call you “mommy” in the bedroom?

OOP

sometimes

~

FuckStummies

What a motherfucker.

Edit: A commenter told me to add this here. I didn’t want to earlier because it’s a bit vulgar but he does call me mommy in bed sometimes.

Update - rareddit Oct 15, 2022 (6 days later)

Hello everyone.

I posted five days ago asking for advice because I realized that my fiance’s mother and I look extremely similar.

Most of the advice told me to change my appearance which is what I did.

I managed to find a very nice wig. It has straight brown hair. His sister in law installed it for me.

I’ve had it on for three days now and my fiancé hates it. He’s pissed at his sister in law for installing it too.

I made sure it was a brown that suited me because I am very pale and everyone has complimented it but him. Even his mother said it was beautiful.

My fiancé keeps saying it doesn’t suit my complexion and that my ginger hair is much better. I made up a lie and told him that my hair couldn’t deal with the water in the US. Germany has hard water but the city my fiancé’s family lives in has even harder water (miraculously) so I said my scalp was irritated. He bought a water filter 😵‍💫.

He refused to have sex with me because I ‘didn’t look like myself’ to him. I also stopped wearing the red lipstick, I wore a pink one instead and all he did was ask if I had a new favorite. I toldhim that red was his favorite, not mine and he agreed with that.

Yesterday, I removed the wig so I could wash my hair and he walked in on me installing it again. He said that I shouldn’t put it back on because it looked terrible and I rolled my eyes and laughed at him. After that, we had a conversation.

He said that I looked so much better ginger and he wanted to have sex because we hadn’t done it in a few days because of the wig. I told him I didn’t know how hair attached to a net prevented us from being intimate. I then asked him why he called me mommy in bed. (disclaimer: I do not enjoy being called mommy in bed but I dealt with it because I love him.) He gave the same response as usual and said it was a kink. I said I didn’t like it and he said that he wouldn’t do it anymore but he was disappointed because as his partner, I should be supportive of his kinks. I said that I’d support others but not this one. I then told him I found it extremely uncomfortable that I look exactly like his mother. I said I’d understand if we were both gingers but we look so similar people have mistaken us for being mother and daughter.

He immediately got defensive and said that it was just a coincidence. I told him that with the ‘mommy kink’ it was starting to look intentional. He then finally came clean.

He said that he did decided to get to know me because I look like his mother. He said that he first took an interest in me (non-romantic) because the resemblance was uncanny and he was intrigued by it. Then he said he fell in love with my personality and that’s why he decided to ask me out. So he wouldn’t have asked me out solely based on my resemblance to his mother.

I asked about the red lipstick and he said that he liked red lipstick and he asked him mother for a recommendation so I guess that checks out.

I then asked about him gearing me towards hobbies that his mother has. I like to crochet and bake because he first introduced me to the those hobbies and I found out those are his mother’s main hobbies. He said that baking and crocheting are ‘nurturing’ hobbies and he wanted a nurturing partner. And since mothers are (usually) very nurturing, he wanted a partner with his mother’s qualities.

And about the wig, he just said he preferred my natural hair.

I honestly don’t know how to feel about all of this. On one hand, this is weird as fuck. On the other hand, his explanations kinda do make sense.

I saw a comment on my old post from a ginger saying that she’s dated a lot of men with ginger mother’s so I don’t know if this means that this is normal or extremely abnormal. He’s an amazing and loving partner outside of this so I’m thinking of getting us couples counseling and postponing our wedding plans.

One good thing that has come out of this is that atleast I know I look amazing with brown hair too.

I would like some more advice and thoughts on this. I am still in the US with his family and I still have my wig on.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Personal_Regular_569

Honey, honey, honey, he only gets aroused when you look like his mom!

Why are you making yourself okay with this? He’s literally conditioned you into being her doppelganger, then he lied to your face about it.

Why is she okay with this?

Don’t ignore the ick feeling. This will get worse when you have children and you don’t raise them exactly like mommy did!

Get therapy for yourself, figure out if this relationship really serves you or not. How much of yourself hav…

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