This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-10-08 04:02:02+00:00.
Original Title: A guest (late 30s) coming over for dinner tonight is the most obnoxious “intellectual” you could ever meet. My (28m) wife (29f) wants a peaceful party, do I keep quiet or call him out on his rudeness and BS?
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Gry4232m3
A guest (late 30s) coming over for dinner tonight is the most obnoxious “intellectual” you could ever meet. My (28m) wife (29f) wants a peaceful party, do I keep quiet or call him out on his rudeness and BS?
TRIGGER WARNING: borderline racism
MOOD SPOILER: Insufferable
Original Post - rareddit May 5, 2018
Where to start on this…
My wife loves entertaining is a good place to start. I’m already pretty introverted so having people over feels like a real invasion of my space. Even without this guy coming over, I’m already filled with such anxiety I can hardly sit still and I won’t be able to relax until everyone is gone. So I have my shortcomings as well.
So all the attendees tonight come from our kid’s swim team who my wife wants to get to know better. One of the invitees is also a dad with a kid on the team and he’s a professor at the state university in our town. It’s hard to describe him but I’m sure everyone reading this has met someone just like him. Despite being a professor he’s as dumb as rock but absolutely loves to intrude on everyone else’s conversation to give his “expert” opinion.
For example I was talking with another dad about wanting to go bow hunting. We were very much minding our own business and weren’t intruding on anyone else. I also think we were highly aware that shooting animals with a flying projectile is not great talk for a kids swim lesson so we were well away from the other parents and kids having our conversation. All of the sudden the professor comes up to us, listens for half a second and then goes into full lecture mode about the evils of the “robber barons” of the “animal flesh corporate complex.” I told him that actually that was one of the reasons I wanted to hunt was because factory farming kind of grossed me out, he actually held his finger up to me as if to say “shoosh” and said “I’m sorry but I’m an expert in this field” (I don’t know exactly but I believe he’s a sociology professor). I was stunned and truly speechless, he began to lecture us about how evil our intentions were and thank god maybe two minutes in the head coach called for all the parents to come around him for a discussion on the upcoming practice schedule.
At practice today, I sat next to this professor but wasn’t part of his group and I could here him talking about the evils of professional sports, even though he’d been to a pro-baseball game the night prior but instead of the rest of the people who will there as fans, we went to “research the human condition as a impartial observer.” There are certain “hipster” parents who also have kids on the team that are just in awe of this guy but I wanted to puke, it was perhaps second only in douchiness to “animal flesh corporate complex.”
Whats even worse about what this guy is says is the fact that it’s clear that he’s not there to discuss, he’s there to lecture and for the most part the parents who are interested in what he thinks, just sit there taking it all in.
So this guy and his wife will be in our house tonight. I am dreading it, I mean physically dreading it. My wife is working very hard to make this dinner successful but I don’t know how much I can take of this guy.
If he starts getting insulting towards me and other people at what point do I speak up? Do I take it to a full fledged argument if need be? Or do I just keep my keep quiet, letting him dig his own grave and most people recognize his douchiness for what it is…and maybe even giving and having an argument is exactly what he’s looking for?
tl;dr: we are having an incredibly douche know it all over as part of a dinner party. I am wondering do I speak up and argue with him or do I honor my wife’s request to have a polite party and let him make an ass of himself?
TOP COMMENTS
NightOwlEye 2530 9m
“Or do I just keep my keep quiet, letting him dig his own grave and most people recognize his douchiness for what it is”
Do this. Better to have this party be remembered as, “that time we invited that boring asshole and he was awful” than “that time OP blew up and ruined the party.” Let him be the ruiner, not you.
Amonette2012
Soooo this. It’s not like anyone is going to invite him back. Focus on talking to the people you do like and on helping your wife with the food (‘I just have to get something out of the oven’ is a great reason to walk away from a boring conversation). A good host makes sure everyone has a good time. One person clearly doesn’t even want to, so focus on everyone else who came along to have a fun night with you. After all, this is about your wife making friends, not you making enemies.
~
sleepfight
What’s the point of arguing with him? Seriously. Just let him talk, and it will quickly become apparent to everyone that this guy is a total clown. If he starts on some /r/iamverysmart bullshit, smile and nod politely and chuckle about it later. If he goes on and on just say, “Well, on another note, how about that [sport game/movie/innocuous subject/etc.]”
If he tries to speak over you say, “I wasn’t finished speaking,” and calmly continue your point. Standing up for yourself doesn’t automatically mean there’s an argument to be had. If he shushes you, say pointedly, “That was rude.” If he says he’s an expert you can always say, “Well, we can agree to disagree.” Take the higher road, but don’t make yourself a doormat on the way.
And maybe in the future just don’t invite him. He isn’t entitled to be included just because the rest of the swim team parents are.
PastelNihilism
This. Just shoot down everything he says as neutral as possible. Dismiss him.
Or laugh loudly from a throne and proclaim that he HAS NO POWER HERE
HattyFlanagan
These are great. I don’t mean to typecast, but there’s got to be a well spoken English man or woman somewhere who knows the best ways to stay composed while belittling someone at a dinner party. It’s a British tradition.
OOP edited the post and made an update 12 hours later/Same post
Edit 11:07, party is winding down and I read through the first few responses but didn’t realize this would blow up so much. Basically the party went ok. Professor guy wasn’t too bad at first but had a couple of drinks and was in rare form. He didn’t realize he had the wrong crowd and no one was really paying attention to him which I think was getting under his skin. The absolute craziest thing he said all night to a mixed race mom on the team (white/African American) was that she didn’t understand the complexities of race in American (professor is white as a ghost). She handled it like a real pro and just let him keep digging his hole And I think her closing line was like “I may not understand the complexities of being black in the US but I’m sure my dad does, he was actually hit with a fire hose as a teenager. That didn’t even shut him up but at that point his wife had had enough and pretty much said it was time to go. They were the first to leave. It’s time to go decompress with some Fortnite…
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP’s OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7