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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2025-10-08 04:08:27+00:00.
I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is still helenkellersvoice. They posted in r/TwoHotTakes
Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for the rec
Previous BORU here. **New Update marked with *******
Do NOT comment on Original Posts.
Mood Spoiler: still messy
Original Post: September 14, 2024
So I’m in a bit of a weird situation, my fiancé and I aren’t the most traditional and wanted to have our wedding as more of a family vacation with the bonus of a wedding. My parents have a beautiful lake front house that we decided to have our wedding at.
When we were initially planning our wedding and figuring out dates, I wanted to have it on June 26th. The 26th was important to us because that’s the day my fiancé and I first met, but when speaking it over to my family, my sister said no because she already had a vacation on that date. I was sad but it wasn’t the end of the world so we decided on June 4th to June 9th.
Everything was working out perfectly, I let both of our families know to put our wedding down for those date and started wedding planning! It was all perfect until last night. I got a FaceTime from my dad who showed me the ultrasound and I was SUPER excited!! All of the congratulations, jumping around because I’m going to be an auntie!!! Im so so so excited for them and for my future niece or nephew!
But it all came crashing down when I asked my sister when she is due and she said “May 1st so we’re going to have to talk about you’re wedding” I assumed she just meant that she wasn’t going to be able to be in attendance. So I told them that it’s okay we can just FaceTime them in and her jaw dropped, then my mom said we can just push it back to September. I knew my emotions would get the best of me so I said we can talk about it later so we went back to congratulations and thinking of baby names.
After the call I can’t lie I had a bit of a breakdown. I already moved my dates once to accommodate my sister which was all fine and I didn’t push back on it. But after 7 months of planning our wedding around this date and having my fiancé family plan around it I don’t want to change it.
Unfortunately I know my family and they will push for me to move it and will disrespect my decision not to. I know traveling with a new born baby is going to be hard which is why I offer up FaceTiming her in but it seems like that’s offensive to them to not want my sister to be present at the wedding.
I feel so insanely guilty about being upset over having to change my wedding dates because my sister is pregnant. She’s bringing a beautiful new family member into our lives but I’m still a bit heart broken that if I don’t change the wedding date that I will be seen as inconsiderate and an asshole in my family.
So am I the asshole for not wanting to punch back my wedding because my sister is pregnant
OOP’s Comments:
Commenter: NTA I’d move it back to the 26th because that’s the day that matters to YOU AND YOUR FIANCÉ. Now she’ll only want to go if she can bring the baby or she’ll probably try and get you to move it even further saying “so she’s not traveling with a new born” Obviously people are going to be upset no matter what you do or don’t do but all that really matters is you and your fiancé because the moment y’all are married you’re each others main priorities and no one else should matter when it comes to what you both want.
OOP: I’m very scared of that, since she is going to be a first time momma we don’t know if she’s going to have PPD/ PPA or if baby is going to have colic. I’m scared that if I do push back our wedding to August or September and then she still can’t make it/ wants us to push it back even further I will resent and distance myself from her. I love my sister so much but she is definitely the type of person where it is her way or the highway and my parents just go with it because “that’s just how she is”
Commenter: Tell us [y]our sister is the golden child without saying it
OOP: My sister is the golden child of the family, it’s not really a secret or tried to be hidden. She’s extremely involved in the family (visits them every weekend) while I live across the country so I only visit them typically once a year but do FaceTime them regularly. My parents are also very money driven and my sister is a doctor in comparison to my brother and I who do trades. She’s the definition of the perfect child. She also typically plans all trips, vacations, or outings for my family because she’s extremely type A and likes to have control situations. She’s a bit stubborn and likes things her way or not at all, we’ve always just gone with it because it’s easier. I expected my wedding to be the line but I guess not.
Commenter: NTA - remind the family that it’s not just your family that’s being impacted by their push to move the dates & that Those specific dates are the only ones that work for BOTH sides. Then tell them that no, you will not move the dates to accommodate your sister Again, since you already did it once.
OOP: I plan on speaking to them soon about it and putting my foot down on my date. I wanted to give it some time to let emotions settle because my parents did just find out that they’re going to be grandparents for the first time and seem to want to protect and side with her. I also spoke to my brother about it and he is on my side. I asked him to be there during the conversation to try and explain things from my point of view if my emotions do get the best of me. Moving my wedding to September is out of the question because it won’t work for my fiancés family with school schedules and they have already been planning around the current date.
Update Post 1: September 22, 2024 (8 days later)
So a lot has happened in the past few days. I called my brother the day after I made my post, he understood where I was coming from and told me that I should absolutely not change my wedding date. So since I was worried about speaking to my mom and being ganged up on we planned on when to speak to my mom about not wanting to change my fiancés and I’s wedding dates so he could be there to talk to my mom on my behalf in my emotions got the best of me.
That didn’t happen, my mom called me the next day to talk it over. I informed her that I was not going to change my wedding date and she was upset initially but surprisingly receptive to it, I was extremely happy about that until she said “you need to talk to your sister about this because she’s not going to be happy about being forced out 1 month postpartum” I explained i wasn’t expecting/forcing her to be in attendance, then my mom said no she’s coming to your wedding I don’t care if she’s a new mom.
After that i got in a bit of an argument with my mom about her forcing my sister to do something that isn’t the best for her and her future family. Which I ended hanging up on her(i don’t take being spoken to in a harsh tone easily and will tell the other person to take a minute to reevaluate their tone and come back.) During the call she also let slip that she was also extremely disappointed in me for going to my brother for support instead of her and said I was just creating family drama for no reason. Which it is what it is, I needed a family prospective which is why I called my brother.
I ended up trying to call my sister the next day, which was declined. So I texted her and informed her that I would not be changing my wedding dates(it was a lot longer of a text explains reasons and emotions), she replied a day later with “you and I both know that you’re wedding dates aren’t officially set and the only factor would be communicating the change to fiancés family. I hope the hassle is worth having my and your literal niece or nephews presence.”
I explained that I have already ordered/put money down on multiple things as well as having my fiancés family planning/ accommodating around this date for 7 months. She was not receptive in my opinion and said “There are really no excuses. You have the power to move the date even just a little later in the summer to include me and you’re choosing not to. That hurts.” Which I ended up responding that im not choosing to not have her at my wedding but understand she may not be able to come and will have to FaceTime in instead. As well as explain that I already moved my wedding date once to accommodate her. I asked her to try to put herself in my shoes and how she would’ve felt if I asked to push back her wedding. Which she replied “I would’ve moved my date in a heartbeat. That’s the difference between us.”
At that point I decided to offer up pushing it back to the 26th of June(as some comments said to see if she would still be going to her previously planned vacation) which thank god i did because she told me she couldn’t do the 26th as she’s still going to go on her vacation(20 DAYS AFTER MY WEDDIN…
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1o10mep/1_year_later_update_aitah_for_not_wanting_to_move/
At that point I decided to offer up pushing it back to the 26th of June(as some comments said to see if she would still be going to her previously planned vacation) which thank god i did because she told me she couldn’t do the 26th as she’s still going to go on her vacation(20 DAYS AFTER MY WEDDING). I’m not the most knowledgeable about babies(since I don’t have one and have only known my bffs baby) but I don’t feel like they’re a huge difference between traveling with a one month old and a one and a half month old. So that solidified in my mind that she doesn’t care about me/ my fiancé or our feelings but still expects everyone to accommodate to her.
At this point as per my fiancés advice I’m putting it in the F it drawer in my head and I’m not going to stress about it anymore because everyone knows the date is set. If my family would like to show up to my wedding that would be amazing but if not I’m not going to be upset. At the end of the day this will just show me who to prioritize as family in my life, because family is not always blood.
Some of OOP’s Comments:
Commenter: Good for you! As you said, this isn’t about your wedding date or about her attendance. It’s about your important date being so near her due date and she’s upset that her baby won’t the center of attention. Even if she brings baby to your wedding, everyone will remember that Baby met people at the wedding, instead of coming to her home where she can hold court as “New Mommy”.
OOP: Funny enough her MIL will be attending my wedding(it’s an extremely short list, just family and they’re SOs, then my aunt and uncle and my sisters MIL and her BIL because my fiancé and I bonded with them at my sisters wedding) i understand it’s not exactly the same because she doesn’t know them but my fiancés family LOVES babies and have tried to be a foster family in the past and my soon to be MIL was a nanny for a living for 10+ years so it’s not like she won’t be celebrated as a new mom or have extra help if she wants it. She will have everything if she wants to attend but is choosing to push back because I assume it’s not to her “perfect plan”
Commenter: You have a good brother
OOP: I really do! He’s always been very understanding of issues and helps me see diff perspectives. I know I can always go to him if I’m going through something or need advice
Update Post 2: October 2, 2024 (10 days later; 18 from OG post)
So this update is absolutely comical to me. As I said in my previous update I stood strong and told my family I was planning on keeping my wedding dates. Which didn’t go well but at least I had my parents support on it. Everything was as calm and relaxed as it could be, my sister hasn’t talked to me since the conversation but I figured she was just pissed off at me and dealing with everything involving pregnancy.
But getting to the hilarious part of this update, two days ago we got a FaceTime from my fiancés sister in law showing us two positive pregnancy tests. She’s due first week of June(aka when our wedding is) My fiancé and I did all of the congratulations and excitement because once again first grandchild and baby in the family.
After the call my fiancé and I just looked at each other and busted out laughing. Not only is my sister having the first grand baby on my side but his sister in law is having the first grand baby on his side all within the month before/ during our wedding. Like what are the chances!! My fiancé and I have always had bad luck with planning things aka why we’re were planning on a relaxed chill wedding instead of a big extravagant wedding.
We had a few minutes convo and it ended up with us agreeing on, in my finances words “fuck this, let’s just elope!” So that’s exactly what we’re doing! Like I said we aren’t traditional and honestly we were just doing all of this for our families so they could feel included and have a fun time at the lake house. But with all the babies and 9 out of the 14 people who are invited not being able to attend(my sister and BIL, her MIL and BIL, my fiancés mom, dad, and little sister, and his brother and SIL) Why even have the whole wedding thing?
So we’re going to the court house on June 26th, the date that I originally wanted but wouldn’t work with my sisters scheduled vacation to go get married! We’re going to keep the photographer that we have a deposit down on and just switch from wedding photos to just a couples shoot. We’re also still planning on going to the lake house and just take it as a “pre honeymoon.”
We’ve already let all of our family know the whole wedding thing is cancelled, my side is relieved and his side is sad because they don’t have an opportunity to celebrate us as a couple. But it just wasn’t what the universe wanted and we’ll plan something in the next couple of years to get our families all together and celebrate. Maybe one of our anniversary!
Honestly I can’t even be upset because it’s so comical that the one major event we’ve been planning on doesn’t work because of everyone getting pregnant and being due around or during our wedding. But at the end of the day we’re getting married and getting some adorable lil nieces or nephews!! This will be my last update because no more wedding means no more drama!!
Some of OOP’s Comments:
Commenter: I get why his brother and SIL can’t attend but why can’t the rest of your fiancés family members attend?!
Anyways congrats, I told my bf I’m always down to elope coz a big wedding is more trouble than it’s worth for me personally
OOP: I thought we were getting rid of the “big wedding drama” by just having our direct family plus 4 extras there but it didn’t work out that way! Still all the drama so eloping is DEFINITELY the right option lol. The people that can’t attend would be my sister and her husband(they’re having a baby in may) it’s their first child and it would be a five hour drive to get out to the lake house. My sister mother in law and brother in law, my fiancé and I got close to them at my sisters wedding trip(week long trip in Jamaica.) Then my soon to be BIL and SIL since they are having a baby during our used to be wedding dates. His mom, dad, and sister because they would definitely want to at least be close to BIL and SIL while she’s having the first grand baby(the lake house is about a 19 hour drive from where they live)
Commenter: Have a gathering at the lakehouse when both kids turn one year old.
OOP: That’s what we’re thinking, obviously we learned our lesson about planning stuff out in advance. But I think a combined one year anniversary and two one year olds birthday celebration would be adorable!!
New Update *****New Update Post: September 10, 2025 (11 months later, almost 1 year from OG post)*****
Editor’s note: Added names to make this more understandable
Never thought I would make another update to this post let alone almost exactly a year later but my sister is doing it again but with her BIL!! Just a quick recap of the past, my now husband and I had an amazing little courthouse wedding then celebrated with margs and pizza at home. It was perfect for us! We also now have an adorable niece and nephew who we love so much!
Now onto the update to this story (cast: sister: Jane, my BIL: Scott [sister’s husband], sisters BIL: Zach [Zach is Scott’s brother], Zach’s fiancé: Jess) Zach and Jess got engaged late last year are and planning their wedding now. They are planning for a destination wedding in France(we’re in the States) for just close family then a wedding locally for extended family and friends.
My sister texted me and said “just a question for you being I know you’re familiar with wedding drama(hehe my bad on that one)” then explained that she doesn’t want Scott to go to France for her brothers wedding because then he would have to miss out on the trip they take every year. Yes the same one she made me change the dates for before we ended up just cancelling our wedding altogether. Saying that they would both be so sad for him to be missing out on their baby’s first trip out there and asking if it would be bad is he didn’t go to France. My sister and niece wouldn’t be flying to France either way but the issue is she wants Scott to stay behind too.
I asked what Zach and Jess said about it because if they’re okay with it then there shouldn’t be an issue. Obviously Zach said he would be very disappointed and upset if Scott decided to not come. Which I totally understandable, they are once again choosing a trip over someone who’s supposed to be important to them. I told her basically, zach is only going to have one intimate family wedding and they can’t go on their trip every year going forward. All she responded was “Weddings suckkk!”
Honestly my question is was I too nice because I feel like she didn’t get the point. If so what the heck do I say?!
•••••••••••••••••••••
Chat GPT written TLDR of all stories: -I originally planned my wedding for June 26th (special date for my fiancé and me), but my sister already had a vacation then, so I moved it earlier to accommodate her. After months of planning, she announced she was pregnant and due in May, and demanded I move the wedding again so she could attend. I refused, she got mad, and my family pressured me.
In Update 1, I stood my ground. My sister then admitted she still wouldn’t come because of her vacation, which proved it was never about the baby. At that point, I decided I was done stressing.
In Update 2, my fiancé’s SIL also announced a pregnancy due right around our wedding. With 9/14 guests unable to attend, we just laughed at our bad luck and said “fuck this, let’s elope.” We got married at the courthouse on June 26th (our original dream date) and turned the lake house trip into a pre-honeymoon. My family was relieved, his family was a little sad, but it was the best decision for us.
In Update 3 (a year later), my sister did it again—this time with her brother-in-law. He’s getting married in France, and she doesn’t want her husband to attend because it conflicts with their annual vacation. When I pointed out weddings are once-in-a-lifetime and vacations happen every year, she just said: “weddings suckkk!”
Final TL;DR: My sister repeatedly tried to make weddings revolve around her vacations/pregnancy.
