**I am NOT OOP, OOP is** u/Zestyclose-Charge281 **Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest** Previous BoRUs...
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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-10-09 04:00:25+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Zestyclose-Charge281

Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest

Previous BoRUs #1, #2

[Final New Update]: Grampa is “punishing” my dad. I have the power to stop it, but don’t know if I actually want to.

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Thanks to u/soayherder and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: death of a loved one, financial abuse, homophobia

Mood Spoilers: positive at the end

Editor’s note: removed the older relevant comments for space in this latest BoRU. The relevant comments can be found in the previous BoRUs linked above

RECAP

Original Post: June 9, 2024

I’m using a throwaway because if any of my friends or family see this, I don’t want them to know my main account, since I have some very private things on there.

I (f21) lost my mom when I was 14. Dad remarried when I was 17. My stepmom has a daughter (f15), she and dad had a boy(m3), and now she just gave birth to a little girl.

Anyway, I have worked since I was 16, to have so money to buy stuff for me. When I turned 18, dad said I was now an adult and should start paying rent. It was “only” 500 dollars. A symbolic amount since he would still cover food and other essentials. I was mad and we fought, but in the end I accepted and that was the arrangement until 7 months ago.

Dad came to me saying I had 2 months to move out, stepmom was pregnant and they would need my room for the baby. Which is insane because they both have private offices. My stepmom doesn’t even need one since she’s a SAHM since the birth of my baby brother. Nonetheless they told me I had to move.

BTW, just an addendum: Me and Stepmom get well fine. We don’t fight or bicker. I don’t think this was a evil stepmom moment, but who knows? Me and stepsister are actually pretty close, I help her with homework, and talk about her personal problems, I do love her very much.

Back to the story, I didn’t know what to do. I’m going to a college, (I want to be a civil engineer), and work part time. I don’t have the means to live by myself.

I called my aunt, asking if I could move in with her for the time being, until I figured something out, offered to pay rent and all. She was aghast at what dad was doing, she said I absolutely could live with her, no rend needed, but also said she was gonna deal with my dad.

The next day Grampa came to our house, and they talked privately, I could hear my dad angry voice, but couldn’t understand anything being said. After a while Grampa came to my room and said I had 3 choices. The first was continue living with dad and stepmom like I was doing, nothing would change except without paying rent. The second was moving in with him and grama, or my aunt. Third was find a place of my own and he would pay the rend and costs for me.

He said I didn’t need to choose now, I could keep living with dad and if I changed my mind to just tell him. I was actually relived I could still live with dad, and that this madness was over. But the following days and weeks, dad and stepmom were very hostile towards me, and I felt incredibly uncomfortable being in my own home. Even Cassie pick this up and asked me why they were angry at me.

So I decided to move out and told grampa. He said he would take care of everything… few weeks later he moved me in into ones of his rental units. The apartment is lovely, he bought me a fridge, stove, and other essential itens, he gave me a check for 15000 saying this money is to help me start living on my own. And that as long as I am working or studying, I can live there rent free, for as long as I want.

My dad and I have been pretty low contact since I moved out. He never came to visit me, or I visit them. I miss them a lot, specially my step sister, but am still hurt.

Two weeks ago, my stepmom gave birth, I visited them in the hospital. It was a little awkward, but nice seeing them and my baby sister. Anyway, few days ago dad calls me, saying he misses me, the children misses me, and I should move back home. He apologized for asking me to move out, etc etc etc. And I told him I would think about it.

Yesterday I visited my aunt, and was telling her what my dad said, and my cousin laughed a little and said “I’m sure he does…”. I asked what he meant, and that’s when they told me a lot of, until now, unknown information.

Basically, my dad’s home, is actually my grampa’s. (As is my aunt’s). Basically the deal he made with me, he did with all his kids and some grandkids as well. He never wanted any of his family to have to worry about basic stuff like house, and food, etc.

When I called my aunt that time, she called grampa, which was furious with dad, not only for kicking me out, but also for charging me rent. That day he went to my dad’s and tore him a new one, and threatened to have him evicted.

But now the “petty” part, you know that 15k grampa gave me? It’s actually what I paid dad in rent all that time. And now he’s making dad pay him back. Also… he’s charging dad 1200 dollars for the rent loss in apartment I’m living in.

Call me dumb, or naïve, but until now, I never realized my dad didn’t make that much money. We lived in a great house, always went on vacations, and lived very comfortable lives, but I guess grampa has always been helping behind the scenes.

Now my cousin thinks dad is struggling, with 3 kids at home, a single income, and having to pay it back to grampa. So he says Dad wants me back, because he imagines grampa will stop “punishing” him if I’m back living with them.

Honestly… I don’t know what to do. I’m actually loving living on my own these past 6 months. But I do really miss them, I miss my siblings. I miss the life we had before all of this, but I don’t know if moving back home is the right answer, and also… I’m hurt the reason he wants me back is money.

Honestly… I just wanted to vent.

Update #1: June 17, 2024 (eight days later)

I wanted to give you guys an update, since you’ve all been so helpful and kind to me. I was so overwhelmed by the support you gave me. Thanks 1000 times.

Before, just answering some questions people had. My aunt and grampa are from my father side of the family. My mom side unfortunately I don’t have much contact. My grandparents have passed away before mom, I have uncles and aunts, I see once in a while, but they don’t live close. I also have 2 other uncles from my father side, I’m close to them, but not as near my aunt. She was my rock when mom died. I consider her a second mom.

My stepmom knew about the rent I was paying, it was implied step sister would need to do the same when she turned 18. But I don’t know if she knew dad didn’t own the house, or the extend of how much grampa has financially helped dad.

To the update:

Monday, the day after my post, I called dad and said I decided to not move back. I didn’t mentioned anything I was told, just that was well settled here, and moving back seamed like a step back. But I also said I wanted to keep in contact with them. They could invite me for dinner whenever they wanted, and I also said I would love for my step sister and brother, to be able to spend time with me here at home.

He was disappointed, and I didn’t feel any angriness in his tone at least. But he basically said a “We’ll see” and left at that. I was also disappointed.

But then Friday he called me, asked me if I wanted to have launch Sunday (today), I said I already had plans with grampa and gramma, he asked when I would be free. So we schedule a dinner for Thursday.

I haven’t told any of this to my step sister, we talk and text regularly. She also haven’t heard they talking about me. But she did say her gramma (her mom’s mom) is there to help with the baby and is being incredibly annoying. I laughed at that. I wanted to offer her to sleepover here, but didn’t want to get her excited just for dad to say no, so I’ll try talk with them Thursday.

The big update is I’ve just came back from visiting grampa and gramma. We spend a lovely day together. But I also said I wanted to know everything that was going on. I wasn’t a kid anymore and I felt like living in lies.

The most important things were things my cousin and aunt told me last week. But there were a few more. Grampa had been subsidizing quite often our basic needs, like school, healthcare, etc… because Dad haven’t one cent saved up according to grampa. Also my college fund was mainly contributed by him (And mom before her passing). I guess that makes sense. I was also dumb to not realize this sooner. He also have set up funds for my baby siblings… and also one for my step sister. Because he didn’t want her to feel excluded and not have the same opportunities as her siblings.

This man is incredible. I love him so so much. (And yes… I’m very very luck. I’ve seen so many people commenting this, not in a derogatory way, but being very supportive and nice. I know I’m very privilegied to have grandparents and fa…

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  • Spacehooks@reddthat.comMEnglish
    1·
    2 days ago

    ----NEW UPDATE---- Update #4: September 16, 2025 (14 months later from the previous update)

    [FINAL UPDATE] Grampa is “punishing” my dad. I have the power to stop it, but don’t know if I actually want to.

    Hi everyone, I was recently thinking of this post and decided to give an update. I wished I could’ve made on the /r/TrueOffMyChest but alas can’t.

    First I’m in a much better place emotionally, as last year I was a complete wreck. I’m doing very well for the most part.

    For those who don’t remember or do not want to read my previous posts, the summary is: My father forced me to move out, grandpa was mad at him and cut off his financial assistance that no one knew about, including my stepmom. Stepmom parents “manipulated” my father into kicking me out, because I’m trans, in exchange for their financial support.

    Now… after everything hit the fan that day, life went back to normal more or less. We started family therapy for a while. It started promising, with dad being willing and open. But after a while he regressed and became less willing to put on the work until he stopped going. Me, Cassie, Stepmom continue going for a while, but stopped as well. I continue with individual therapy, and my psychiatrist wants to make an evaluation for ADHD, but wants to wait until I’m fully emotionally and physiologically stable. Stepmom and Cassie continue individual therapy as well.

    As I imagine most could guess, Stepmom and Dad ended up separating after a few months, at first it was temporary, but now there’s no going back. Divorce is not finalized yet however.

    Stepmom stayed on the house as grandpa would not accept anything else. I started going there to help stepmom with the baby and my little brother more and more, until I was spending almost all time there, so me and Stepmom decided I would move back. I thought Grandpa would be disappointed, as he was very proud of how well I was doing on my own, but he looked happy when I told him. But he said he’ll keep that unit a little longer out of the market if I ever need it.

    I continue going to uni, but took only a half load of classes this last year. But now I’m back to a full schedule. (Fluid Mechanics is a pain)

    Home life has actually been pretty good. Me and Stepmom became really really close this last year. She went back to work, while I left mine to help with the kids. (And I truly prefer this as taking care of my siblings is much more enjoyable) But also grandpa insisted on paying me to babysit. But next year I’ll start interning on a construction company from my grandpa’s friend.

    I know many people insisted my Stepmom knew everything, or was somewhat complacent with dad’s actions. But I truly truly believe and trust her. She’s being almost no contact with her parents, and they are forbidden to visit.

    Cassie also stepped in and is helping a lot around the house, and grandpa also insists on paying her for her time. We know this is his way of helping us without making it sound too much like charity.

    My baby sister is a little devil. Running all over the house. The little Lucifer, or Lucy as I call her, (that’s not her name, but I do actually call her Lucy sometimes) didn’t even learned to craw properly, she went directly to walking. We need to keep constant vigilance because it seems her head has a magnetic pull towards sharp corners.

    My little brother was the one hit the hardest by dad moving out. I know these posts have painted a terrible picture of my father, and I’m not excusing anything he did, but he was a good dad otherwise, and my little brother was very attached to him.

    Me and my father barely speak nowadays. He acts like we should all forget everything and move on, which I [still?] cannot do. There’s no formal custody agreement between him and Stepmom, but he picks my brother twice or twice a month to spend the day or weekends. And now that my sister is older her sometimes too.

    Overall I’m in a much much better place than I was last year. I have an incredible family, amazing grandparents, loving siblings, and my stepmom has become a really close friend. I even got a girlfriend. 🥰.

    I also know I’m extremely privileged to have a supportive family and system. In no moment in all of this, have I ever had to worry about having a roof over my head or food on the table, which unfortunately is not everyone’s experiences in similar situations, as I’ve been told [sometimes harshly] over private messages.

    Lastly I’d like to thank everyone who read or commented something, the support on my first post was the push I needed to stop being naïve and ignore things.

    Posting here was a great way to help me to figure it out my thoughts and feelings. But I probably won’t do any more updates, as I consider this chapter of my life closed now.

    DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

    THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

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