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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-10-09 04:02:06+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ParticularBox6052, account now deleted

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITA for not giving my stepdaughter’s old room back to her?

Editor’s note: the body texts for both original and update posts were saved before they were removed

Trigger Warnings: emotional abuse and manipulation, PPD, mental health struggles

Original Post: October 1, 2025

My husband has 2 kids from a previous relationship who are F20 and M23. When we married they had already moved out of our house.

We have a baby together (M1) who now sleeps in his own room which is stepdaughter’s old room that we turned into baby room.

Now all of a sudden they both want to move back in. Stepdaughter lost her job and can’t afford her house anymore, stepson is done with college and recently moved back to our city.

I said they are both welcome back but they have to share stepson’s room. There is no other room to put baby’s stuff and I’m not gonna put it all in a storage or something like that. That’s baby’s room now. They are adults and they moved out and I wasn’t gonna keep the rooms empty for them.

Now they are angry and saying I’m an asshole.

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed responses, but leaning toward NTA

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Why are you having to be the bad guy? It seems like your husband’s problem to solve. NTA.

OOP: Because they keep arguing with me while he is not around. He has made it clear that either they take that one room that is given to them or they can just leave.

Commenter 2: Start turning a recorder on your phone when your husband is not around and the step kids are. Make sure they do not notice. Then show husband how they treat you when he is not around. Maybe he will realize they should not move back in. Maybe they can share a cheap apartment.

OOP: I don’t need to. He believes me over anyone. I just don’t want to be THAT kind of stepmom. If I told him they are bothering me he wouldn’t let them stay here at all.

Commenter 3: Does your home have a basement? Where is your husband in this equation?

OOP: It has an unfinished basement that needs a lot of work done and will cost us a lot. We have a baby. It’s expensive. We don’t have extra money to just finish the basement for them. He agrees with me.

Commenter 4: Just curious, but where do they suggest the baby be? I with you and your husband? Would they rather share a room with a baby? Are they suggesting the baby stay in the unfinished basement? If they do not want to share a room, they can get an apartment together, one could not move in, or one of them can clear a spot in basement for themselves. Baby needs a room; they may be tiny but they come with lots of stuff. NTA I hope they bugger off and give you some peace.

OOP: They think the baby should be with me and my husband.

Downvoted Commenter: YTA but because of how you said it, not because of the situation. You could’ve handled that more sensitively, or let that discussion happen between their father and them instead of coming from you. Yes, it makes sense that one of the rooms is for the baby. They’re probably just mad about the situation. You should talk to your husband about your response and ways to cool things off before continuing to discuss with your stepchildren.

OOP: I don’t discuss with them. They keep discussing with me when my husband isn’t around.

Why don’t the stepchildren stay with their mother?

OOP: She has a much smaller house than us. They are “uncomfortable” there

OOP’s stepchildren can move in and refinish the basement themselves

OOP: They don’t have the money either also it needs to be temporary. I don’t want 30yo adults living in my basement.

Commenter 5: The older kids will remember this forever. Your husband is a full grown adult who chose to have a second family at his age.

OOP: He is 45. Most people his age get married for the first time. He is allowed to have a life. They are also full grown adults.

Commenter 6: And how old are you?

OOP: I’m 31. How does it affect your judgement? Explain in details please.

Update: October 2, 2025 (next day)

[UPDATE] AITA for not giving stepdaughter’s old room back to her?

I decided to just tell my husband everything they have been saying. I didn’t want to say something originally because I didn’t want to cause problems between them but they are old enough to know exactly what they are doing so they should also be prepared for the consequences.

I’m going through a lot lately. I’m still struggling with PPD that just doesn’t seem to go away. I told my husband that I will never ask him to choose between me and his kids but I have to choose between me and his kids and I choose me. My mental health is important. His kids haven’t even moved in but they are already here all the time and they keep arguing and nagging and pushing me to my limits and I can’t worry about them “sharing a room”. I have enough problems already.

I told him I’m gonna stay in a hotel for a few days because I need to be away from him and his kids, this includes the little one. I just need a few days off from being a parent.

He didn’t let me leave and instead took the baby and left. He returned about an hour ago. He had bought some take out for me. He asked how I’m doing and said the baby is with his sister and is doing well. He gave me the keys he has given his kids and said he took them away and they can’t just walk in ever again and need permission from now on. He said I should have just said something sooner instead of waiting until I get to my breaking point.

He is gonna help his kids find a cheap apartment and some roommates and he will help them with rent for a few months until they can afford to pay it themselves. They are not happy but he is not willing to give them more. He and our baby will stay with his sister for a night or two so I can get some rest but if I want them back sooner I can just call them and he will return.

We are finally gonna repurpose stepson’s room as well. It will just be a guest room for now but he wants to buy some bookshelves as well so we can have a library too.

Well I guess that’s all.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: ESH. You admit you have PPD and instead of seeking any sort of support. You were going to ditch your baby and your husband? You also have guaranteed his kids want nothing to do with you or their half sibling. Yeah they were dicks and you’re right not to want them there, 100 percent, but the way you went about it made sure they won’t forget.

OOP: I’m getting help. It doesn’t magically go away especially when you have a history of depression. I can’t just take a pill and be cured. I matter too. My therapist says there is nothing wrong with spending some time alone without my husband or even my baby.

Commenter 2: I’m very glad your husband stood up for you and Baby. Quite frankly adult Kids need to understand they can’t keep running home every time life gets hard.

OOP: Yeah thanks. I’m lucky to have him.

Commenter 3: Well done. You’ve achieved your aim of alienating your husband from his kids, 20yo who lost her job, and 23yo who has just finished college. I notice you didn’t answer the question on your previous thread about who paid for the house you live in, or how long you’re married.

OOP: I assure you, my stepkids didn’t pay for the house. And being married for a short time doesn’t make me less entitled to my own house or less of a wife.

Commenter 4: You could have a bit of sympathy for them, it’s tough to not be able to go back to your childhood home because your father married a much younger woman. You’re within your rights but you could have a bit more grace.

OOP: “Our” means mine and his. So saying mine is not wrong. If I say I took my child somewhere does it mean my child is no longer my husband’s child? You are grasping at straws. No one is asking them to disappear but I can’t have arguments every day at MY/OUR house. It’s not healthy anyone. Of course it is nice. For a night or two. And last time I asked my husband, he and the baby are staying in the guestroom together not demanding two bedrooms.

Editor’s note: marking this inconclusive as OOP has deleted her account and we won’t see any further updates

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

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