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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/PromptBusy9372 on 2023-09-07 19:59:16.

Throwaway account for privacy.

My wife (65F) and I (67M) have two kids: Sarah (38F) and Adam (35M), both of whom have spouses whom we love dearly. Sarah got married five years ago, Adam got married four years ago. Sarah and her husband Joey (38M) have been trying for kids since they got married but got delayed due to unforeseen circumstances, and they are now going through IVF. Adam and his wife Clarissa (32F) put off having kids for a couple of years while Adam was in med school, but then started trying for kids. It’s been really hard for Sarah and Joey to have kids, and there’ve been several complications, but things are now back on track. However, due to the length of time it’s taking, Sarah is becoming more and more depressed. We’re trying to support her, but there’s only so much we can do. The doctors haven’t told her she can’t have kids, but it’s getting less and less likely as she grows older.

Adam and Clarissa recently found out that they’re expecting a child, much to their (and our) excitement. However, they’re hesitating about how to tell Sarah. Adam really looks up to his older sister - they’re very close, as my wife and I worked a lot when they were younger and my kids only had each other for a while. Adam didn’t want to cause his sister more emotional distress, but he wanted to tell her before Clarissa became very pregnant. Adam decided to just call Sarah and tell her directly, and from what he told us later, she did not take it well… at all. She wished him a perfunctory ‘congratulations’, and has been incommunicado since then. We tried to respect her privacy while she processed this, but eventually I had had enough. Adam’s upset that his sister isn’t happy for him, Clarissa is hurt that her sister-in-law isn’t supportive, and my wife misses her daughter.

Eventually I called Sarah, got her voicemail, and left her a very angry message telling her that even if she can’t have kids, she should be happy for her brother and that she can at least be an aunt. Sarah sent me one angry text message with a lot of expletives and told me not to contact her again. When I showed this to my wife, she got upset at me and said that I should’ve worded the text nicer, but I said that infertility isn’t an excuse for rude behavior.

So, AITA for this text and my attitude towards my daughter?