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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/itsjustonemeal on 2023-09-07 21:35:32.

I (43F) have 2 sons, Adam (17) and James (15).

Adam showed an interest in cooking from a young age and is very talented. He makes dinner for the family 2-3x a week because he enjoys it and it gives him an opportunity to try new recipes. I generally cook the rest of the time, unless it’s summer and my husband insists on grilling every day.

James was not particularly interested in learning to cook. I did try to teach him the kitchen basics and he can make himself a sandwich and simple things but he’d rather grab an apple than make himself a meal.

A few months back, James began asking Adam in the afternoons to make him a snack (something homemade) and sometimes he’ll do it if he’s in the mood but more often than not, he’s bothered by the daily requests.

I asked James why he can’t make a sandwich or have a snack (we always have things like hummus, yogurt, pita, sliced veggies, salsa and chips, I make baked goods often… a good array of decent snacks). He could make a smoothie, there’s always frozen fruit. But he said Adam is just better at it and he doesn’t know how to make it as good.

I felt this was a sign I had dropped the ball so I decided that James would take over making the family dinner once a week. It didn’t have to be fancy but it had to be at least somewhat balanced and filling (for example - yesterday, he made grilled cheese sandwiches, a salad and tomato soup, with a side of cut strawberries. A very simple but good meal. Packaged soups and things are fine as long as that’s not all). I help him with the meal planning and then I would work at the dining room table nearby in case he needed help.

He hasn’t enjoyed this but I’ve still kept on it because it’s a really important life skill. Feeding yourself isn’t optional.

He’s been complaining to my mother (his grandma) and she’s been calling me to tell me I’ve let a “punishment” go on too long. But it’s not meant to be that, it’s life skill training and I was very clear with James that this was a permanent change, not a temporary punishment.

But she made me feel like an absolutely terrible mother forcing “unpleasant chores“ on my children. I tried to point out that my own brother is a grown man that lives on takeout because she never taught him to cook and I didn’t want that to be James one day. She hung up on me. My husband is in full support of our new routine but still, nothing takes you down a peg like being yelled at by your mother so I’m looking for some other opinions. Is it really that bad?