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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Doctor_in_training21 on 2023-09-08 00:48:04.

My (f21) partner(m24) of 3 years is very particular about hair. While I have a lot of insecurities, hair never used to be one of them. All my hair is very blonde and it’s never really been a problem or visibly noticable. It doesnt grow any faster or thicker than any regular girl.

Since dating he has pulled away from day-old stubbly hair on my legs or the hairs on my arms (which I’d never shaved before him and had always been quite soft and very blonde/light in color), etc. He says its a texture issue, it bothers him when its prickly. He has made comments anytime he noticed and hasn’t failed to let me know when I’ve skipped a day.

I used to shave legs, pits, intimates maybe once or twice a week. Since discussing his preference I’ve shaved more often and now EVERYWHERE. No inch of skin is spared. Since moving in two weeks ago together, I’ve had to shave daily in fear I’ll “ick” him out. It’s causing rashing, ingrown hairs, cuts and bleeding, and stinging pain and discomfort. Recently he made the comment “sometimes I can’t tell if I’m kissing Anna or I’m kissing Andrew.” Implying I’m as hairy as a man. Which is untrue, I shave more than most girls I know.

I spoke to him about the pain and how i thought it was unrealistic, and he offered to pay for a waxing. He doesn’t seem to mind the idea of me cold and naked on a metal table spreading in front of a stranger. Not to mention the pain that comes with it, and the discomfort following days after. This also doesnt resolve the week i have to let that hair grow back out so it can be waxed again, which would mean long sleeves and pants for these time periods. His response to this was “winter is coming up anyways”

I said it’s a lot to ask, his reasoning is “if you asked me I would.” And I haven’t. I’ve asked for no changes regarding appearance, maintenance, or state of dress at any time in our dating. He could NOT say the same. And I have been very accommodating and gracious with all of these asks, because I love him.

Nothing ever feels smooth enough, I have become neurotic and borderline obsessive, shaving everyday, sometimes twice. I feel insecure when he reaches for me (even just holding hands, brushing past me, whatever) in case he feels hair, or the day-after-shaving-stuble.

I had suggested abstinence (it’s been well over a week as it is) until we find a better solution that doesnt leave me feeling gross and insecure and in pain, and he thought it was absurd. In the grande scheme of things Maybe I’m being over reactive? Am I the asshole for not wanting to be touched? (Breaking up simply isn’t an option, I’d much rather be unhappy about shaving than leaving, but it’s getting in the way of our relationship) Am I just an ex-hippy with silly-gross standards? Should I suck it up and wax?