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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Positive-Pop6107 on 2023-09-08 03:34:48.

My husband has this 28F niece, Ash, daughter of his sister, Anna, 54F

Anna was financially struggling her entire life and she and her two kids live with MIL, Ash was always a weird, emo kid and I never really felt ok with her until 5 years ago, when Anna shared with my husband that Ash is a high functioning autist, it all made sense then

Anyway Ash works as a programmer for some fat fish company and her income shows, Anna doesn’t work anymore and his son, Max 20M attends some expensive college, but Ash’s weirdness has extended, she no longer goes out, and when she does she almost never speaks, just keeps her headsets on and stays in her world, but I have to admit she’s great at planning parties and we have this tradition where Ash plans a party for each birthday including mine

Back in July my husband and I gave her an expensive gadget she was wanting and she was happy to take it, my birthday being in September, and coinciding with Max’s birthday I was eager to see what Ash was planning. One thing I was specially looking forward to was the food, Ash knows a great deal of fancy restaurants with modern food and each party is sure to be filled with something tasty that I didn’t yet know so I was really looking forward to it and decided to invite two friends from work

I reached out to Ash to see if this was ok and she said it was, she also added that she was bringing in her boyfriend too.

Oh.

I asked her not to, because we still don’t know her boyfriend, and from what I know her mom doesn’t know him either so I wouldn’t like my coworkers to get the wrong impression on my husband’s family. There will be plenty of chances, I told her, but this is my birthday and I prefer to enjoy it without any strange surprises, I thought she would understand but instead she laughed at me and told me «I was invited just because of my husband, but the party was not for me, it was for her brother» so of course I was offended by that, and requested that, since now I would have to explain to my coworkers how I wasn’t having a party anymore, it was only fair that I got back the gift we gave her. She laughed some more and added that she didn’t need us looking down on her and her family anymore (we have never done so) and sent us the gadget plus the whole price of the thing in cash. I didn’t ask her for the cash and wanted to return it, but she instead called my husband and told him to just keep it and stay away from them

My husband is now mad at me and I can’t understand why, I just told her not to bring her boyfriend to the party, because I don’t know what to expect

So, AITA here?