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The original was posted on /r/truscum by /u/DryAd9931 on 2025-10-15 14:24:20+00:00.

I (straight, FTM 21) Will genuinely never be able to have a relationship. I pass well and most people I know have no idea that I’m trans, not even my flatmates. Except for the ones who knew me before I transitioned, but it’s very few people and they always respected my privacy.

Why am I not more open about being trans? Because I know I’m very vulnerable about it. I’m trying to accept my current body a little better and “train” myself to accept the possibility of an intimate relationship with a girl using the body I was unfortunately given, but still, Every time the topic comes up, even if it doesn’t concern me personally, I feel strong violent and self-harming desires. I’m not so much afraid of rejection itself, but of the idea that a girl might reject me BECAUSE I’m trans, and maybe even gossip about it. That would kill me.

And obviously, as someone who GENUINELY suffers from crippling dysphoria, “trans-safe” spaces are not my answer. (Not even medical ones, where I’ve been labeled an “internalized transphobe” because I don’t see being trans as a quirky trait but rather as a curse.) At this point in my life I’m starting to feel the need to have a romantic relationship, But unfortunately, given my psychological situation and the social situation regarding trans people, I can’t open up without putting myself at an extreme risk. Therefore, I can’t have any kind of romantic relationship.

I will try to contact the free psychological support of my university, (since I’m broke), and I promised myself that the next time I have feelings for a girl I will not close myself off completely and I will try exploring these feelings, But I honestly don’t know how much this will help.

I’ve always known that being trans will eventually lead me to isolation probably to suicide. Seeing how tucutes treat it like it’s a fun game eats away at me from the inside.