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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/custodydrama on 2023-09-08 14:26:50.

I (34f) have custody of my stepsister Gia’s son, “Arthur” (12), and I have since he was 6. Gia was going through a very tough time having split up with Arthur’s father shortly after having her second child, who was born with a severe disability, and she was struggled mentally and practically, which meant Arthur’s care was falling by the wayside. Our parents stepped in and we all agreed that my husband and I would take custody of him. It was meant to be temporary, but after a year Gia formally signed over her rights and my husband, Arthur, my daughter and I moved abroad (1.5 hour flight from Gia). Arthur visits his mother in school holidays and Gia comes out to visit us in the summer and at Christmas. Gia has worked very hard to rebuild her life and now has a fiancé and a third child.

Over the past year, Arthur has been putting up more of a fight about going to visit Gia. He says he wants to see his friends during holidays and do more sports (he competes in go karting). He also says he doesn’t like going to Gia’s because he doesn’t have his own space there, has much less freedom, doesn’t like the food, activities, etc. I do understand but at the same time I’ve always said it’s important that he sees his mother.

This came up again when I was making plans for half term and Arthur asked if he could skip his trip to see his mother. He said going to Gia’s place just feels like he’s being punished for not being our bio child. He said he just wants to stay home like his sister (my daughter). This absolutely broke my heart. I love Arthur just the same as I love my daughter and the thought he would feel singled out in any way she tore me to pieces. I talked it over with my husband and we decided that we wouldn’t force Arthur to go.

Gia is furious. She called me all sorts of horrible things, accused me of pressuring her to give up custody of Arthur (this didn’t happen) and stealing her baby (again, not true). She berated me for letting him call me Mum, for turning our parents against her, for turning her son into a spoilt brat who looks down on her. Eventually she said if I didn’t make him come and visit she would sue me for custody of him.

I’ve spoken to a lawyer, who says there is next to no chance that a judge would give custody back to Gia. The parents (mother and Gia’s father) think I should retain custody of Arthur but that I should still make sure he is visiting Gia, at least for the next couple of years, as he is too young to realise the impact not having any bond with her will be and he can decide that when he’s older.

My husband and I are just trying to do right by Arthur. I don’t want him feeling like we don’t take his opinion into account. But at the same time I don’t want to put him through the stress of a legal battle over all this, and I believe Gia when she said she’ll start suing for custody, even if she won’t win.

So AITA for not making him go?