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The original was posted on /r/nosleep by /u/BigRatFeast on 2025-10-24 23:40:34+00:00.
I feel fucking insane from the events of the past few days. Anyone I’ve told this to has either just laughed or shrugged it off thinking I was telling a joke. I’m hoping to god that posting this on the internet, when compared to the mountains of depraved sexual fantasies and wild conspiracy theories about lizard people in our government, someone would hopefully be able to give me the benefit of the doubt and listen to what I have to say.
I live in a city that tends to be very hot and humid most of the year. While this saves a lot of storage space that would be taken up by winter coats, it also makes any household a perfect breeding ground for the nastiest insects. The issue in my apartment started maybe a couple of months ago. I started seeing small black dots out of the corners of my vision, but they would seemingly disappear out of sight when I tried to look at them. I tried googling it and couldn’t find anything besides suggestions that I may have glaucoma or eye floaters or the classic internet thing where it tells you that you will die in mere hours.
I decided to just ignore it. I thought I could. There didn’t seem to be that many and it was rare that I’d see them. It all changed when they started moving things. I remember a specific instance where my car keys moved from the table in the kitchen where I always put them to the corner of the room. Before any of you fuckers say I am misplacing things, let me ask you this: Why in the world would I mistakenly move my car keys from the dish that I keep them in all the way to the other side of the room in the corner on the floor. I didn’t suspect the dots at this point, it was too early on and I never really saw any of them yet. The next day, I found one of my living room chairs was in the kitchen.
I believe it was a week later that I started seeing shadows run underneath my door at night. I would be watching TV and see a mass quickly dash underneath a chair. I also started hearing scuttling noises in the walls or in my kitchen at night when I held my breath and really focused. My apartment complex had some sort of partnership with a pest control service called NoMoBugs (cheesy name I know). Outside of the flyers on a bulletin board in the lobby, I haven’t seen this company anywhere, not even online.
I made the call to the number listed on the flyer. The first ring was interrupted immediately by a voice on the line.
“You’ve reached NoMoBugs! Where any pest will be eliminated!” The voice said it as if it was slogan despite the phrase lacking all of the qualities of one. It spoke the words “pest” and “eliminated” in a tone of voice that you would use for words that rhymed.
“uhh… I umm… have a bug problem in my apartment.” As I begin to rattle off my address, I’m cut off by the voice on the other end.
“Who- er… What bugs are you having problems with?”
“Yeah, I’m actually not too sure myself. They are these little black dots in the corner of my eye and I can see their shadows under my door and scuttling in the walls. Maybe rats? I don’t know.”
Their voice suddenly got very deep, “We will send someone over later today, be ready.” They hang up. It was around 7:30 when they came over which if I wasn’t so pissed off about the bugs I would think it pretty rude to show up that late. I opened the door to two men in full hazmat suits. One wearing a green one and the other wearing a yellow one. Their masks covered their entire head and there was a shiny reflective coating on the front on them which prevented me from seeing their faces. I was suddenly worried. Should I be wearing one of these? Do I have a sort of super bug cancer now or something?
“uh… come on in.” as the first word left my mouth they stepped inside and brought themselves to the living room.
“ooh yeah.” the man in the green hazmat suit chirped, their voice slightly muffled by the mask, “You’ve got some bugs alright.”
“Well can you get rid of them? how long will it take?”
“Give us twenty.”
“Twenty? Like twenty minutes? Twenty hours?”
The man in the green hazmat turned to the other and laughed “This guy funny.”
“You go now. We work” The man in the yellow suit commanded me. Another thing I would be upset by if I wasn’t so desperate for help and these guys seemed to actually believe me. I went and got dinner at a pizza place nearby. I was thinking that even though they were very weird and a little rude, they looked pretty professional in those suits so maybe I should just let them do their thing.
I was dead wrong.
As I approached my apartment door I could hear scuttling and various noises you’d hear at a construction site. The room was a complete mess. Tables were overturned, there were multiple holes in the walls, and there were puddles of greasy, iridescent fluid on the floor. Most notably out of the chaos was one of the men on all fours upside down on the ceiling with his mask off. Where you’d expect a human head to be was the head of a human sized cockroach. It’s antennae were twitching and the sound of its mandibles clacking together echoed throughout the room and a long trail of grease was traveling down from it’s mouth to the floor. In the corner of the room was a large structure that looked like a giant wasp nest.
Before I could speak the cockroach man dropped from the ceiling onto the floor and stood up in front of me.
“You come back too early.” He wiped his mouth with his hand smearing the drool onto the suit.
“What the hell is going on in here?”
“Lots of bugs very good.” I was still confused until he slammed his hand against the wall next to me. When he lifted it the pale yellow, yolk-like viscera of one of the bugs that have infested my house stuck to his hand and strands of it still gripped onto the wall as his hand moved back towards his mouth. Using his mandibles he meticulously scooped the guts into his mouth.
I was interrupted again when the toilet flushed and the cockroach in the green hazmat suit exited the bathroom.
“Oh shit he back, we kill him now, yes?”
I was grabbed and the door was slammed behind me before I could even think. I felt my back smack against the wall and the tight grip of greasy, gloved hands on my shoulders. I felt the hot sticky breath of the roach. It smelt like a public urinal filled with old sour milk. He clacked his mandibles together a couple of times and leaned towards the top of my head.
“WAIT! I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT THESE BUGS YOU ARE EATING!” I yelled impulsively. I had no fucking clue what I could possibly say that would stop them from crushing my head. But this made the roach lean back and pause.
“Spit it out what is it?”
In the corner of my eye I saw the man in the green hazmat suit go through my fridge and grab a few slices of deli meat and fashion himself a bug sandwich before drifting towards the living room to plop himself on the couch.
“Do you… Do you want my apartment?”
“Ya, that why we kill you.”
I looked over the shoulder of the roach in the yellow suit and saw the state of my home. A cockroach man was eating a disgusting sandwich lying on my couch watching Wheel of Fortune on my TV that these men have seemed to build a nest around in such a way that they could still see the screen. My bedroom was covered in squashed bug guts and that same oily drool stained my bed sheets. I couldn’t see the bathroom from where I was standing, but I can only imagine how bad your shit would smell if you only ate insects in some random guy’s apartment walls.
“Shit man, you can just have it. I’ll take my stuff and go.”
“Really? You serious?” he took his hands off my shoulders and stood back.
“She’s all yours, bud.”
It took me a while to find clothes that weren’t covered in drool. I packed only what I needed and headed for the door. Once I grabbed the knob I paused.
“I have one more question though. Why did my landlord partner with you guys?”
“Land… lord?” They both were sat on the couch, looking at each other with what I assumed to be a confused cockroach face.
“Never mind then. Enjoy whatever is left of the apartment.”
On my way out I figured I should stop by the landlord’s apartment to tell him I’m leaving and introduce him to the new invertebrate tenants. After I knocked, the landlord’s door swung open and on the other side of it was a human sized cockroach in cutoff jeans and a wife beater. He was drinking a beer I’ve never heard of called “Pest Pilsner Ever.”
I’ve been couch surfing with friends the past couple of weeks. I’ve been trying to get back on my feet after losing pretty much all of my stuff. 1/5 Stars.