This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-10-30 04:02:06+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/TrickyChemistry6521

Originally posted to r/AmIOverreacting

AIO for thinking of leaving my boyfriend after he slapped me during an argument?

Trigger Warnings: verbal abuse, domestic abuse, physical violence

Mood Spoilers: scary, but positive at the end

Original Post: September 17, 2025

So I (26F) have been dating my boyfriend (29M) for about two years. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I always felt like we had good communication. That all changed last weekend.

We were arguing about something stupid — honestly it started because I wanted to leave a party earlier and he wanted to stay. It escalated in the car on the way home. He started yelling at me for being “controlling” and I told him I didn’t like being spoken to like that.

When we got back to the apartment, I said I was done with the conversation and wanted to sleep it off. That’s when he snapped. He grabbed my wrist, and when I tried to pull away, he slapped me across the face. I froze — I was completely shocked. He immediately started apologizing, saying he “just lost it” and that it would never happen again.

The next morning, he acted like it was no big deal and told me I was being dramatic. I tried to explain how unsafe it made me feel, but he brushed it off, saying it was just “one mistake.”

I keep going back and forth in my head. Part of me thinks if he did it once, he’ll do it again. Another part of me wonders if I’m giving up too soon after one terrible night.

I know people make mistakes, but this doesn’t feel like something I can just forgive and move on from. It feels like a line was crossed that we can’t come back from.

AIO for considering ending the relationship over this?

Top Comments

Commenter 1: NOR.

You NEED TO LEAVE NOW!!!

Not only is what he did unforgivable, and unjustifiable, but the fact he is now acting like it’s ‘no big deal’ and you’re ‘over reacting’ proves he doesn’t think what he did was wrong, he’s not sorry about it, and therefore he will have no worries about doing it again. Because to him it’s ‘no big deal’ . And then a slap turns into a punch. Or grabbing you and shoving you against a wall. Or throwing items at you to physically injure you, choking you. It will only escalate and continue to get worse. Plus this was bought on by a ‘minor’ disagreement. Yet he says he just ‘lost it’. He’ll be even worse you have a more serious argument.

Often abusers can put on a mask and act like the best boyfriend in the world to make you fall in love with them, make you feel safe, and then they only start to show their abusive behaviours when they feel they have you trapped. Abuse often starts at times like…

*you’ve moved in together, and can’t afford to leave immediately and get your own place. So your stuck staying with him till you can save up money, or find somewhere to go. But you could be tied into a lease meaning you can’t just leave. (Although some landlords will let you break the lease in Domestic Violence situations )

*you become pregnant - they feel once you’re pregnant you’re more trapped as you rely on their income coz you’ve had to give up work to care for the baby, or you won’t afford to move out alone with the baby.

*you get engaged. Again they feel they have to trapped.

*after you get married- once you’re married they think you’re unlikely to leave, especially when there religious aspects to the relationship.

*and if you don’t have a support system like friends or family, or they live far away etc.

*Abusers often try and trap you so you’re reliant on them financially and don’t have your own income. So they either tell you to quit working coz he earns enough to cover the bills, or if you have a baby and not working, you don’t have money of your own to save up to move out etc. You’re reliant on him as he controls the money.

There are lots of reasons why abusers pretend to be great perfect loving boyfriends until they feel they have you trapped and less likely to leave.

But the fact he’s brushing it off so easily today and acting like it’s no big deal and you’re over reacting for being so upset is a huge red flag. Even if he was full of apologies and promising to never hurt you again etc, I’d still say leave. But the fact he sees nothing wrong with his actions proves he’s even more likely to do it again in future, and progress to worse violence. And if you let him get away with it without any consequences, he’ll see that as another reason he can do it again.

So when he’s at work, pack your stuff and leave immediately. Hopefully you have friends or family close by you can go stay with. Then text him and say its over and to never speak to you, contact you, or come to your home, and to leave you alone, or you’ll call the police. You can block him, but it can sometimes be helpful to leave it open so if he texts you anything threatening, you have evidence for police for a restraining order etc. Any messages, screen shot them and save them in a couple of places like googledrive, amazon photos, icloud, USB stick etc, and make sure he doesn’t have passwords or access on his devices like a tablet. You don’t have to reply to them, and its best you don’t, but save them as evidence of harrassment or threats.

If you have any marks on your face from him hitting you, take photos.

But leave him immediately. He’s not safe and will get worse.

Commenter 2: His first mistake was hitting you. His second mistake was downplaying his actions and the effect on you.

Your mistake would be to stay, as it tells him you value yourself as little as he values you, and your well-being and safety.

If he thinks it was no big deal, he’ll do it again, or something worse. He’ll complain about something he doesn’t like about you, you’ll respond, and then he’ll DO something. And in return, you’ll shrink further to fit his mental model of ‘girlfriend’. Don’t do this.

Plus, he’s accused you of being controlling, but yelling, restraint (holding your wrist to make you stay) and violence are controlling behaviors. Asking to leave a party: not controlling.

Run now. Don’t look back, don’t apologise. Violence is non-negotiable.

Update: October 23, 2025 (a bit over one month later)

[UPDATE]: AIO for thinking of leaving my boyfriend after he slapped me during an argument?

I hadn’t planned on posting an update, but a lot has happened since my last post, so I figured I’d tell you all

After taking some time to think, I decided to give him another chance. I know, I know , everyone told me not to. But he seemed genuinely remorseful at the time. He promised he’d never raise his hand again, that he’d go to therapy, that he just “lost control” that one night. And I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe the version of him that I fell in love with was still in there somewhere

For a few weeks, things actually seemed better. He was more gentle, more patient, constantly checking in and saying he was working on himself. I started to think maybe we could move past it

But then last weekend, it all came crashing down again. He wanted me to meet his parents , something I wasn’t ready for. I told him I’d rather wait until we’ve had more time to rebuild trust. He completely lost it

He started yelling again, saying I didn’t love him anymore, that I was the one ruining things. The more I tried to calm him down, the angrier he got. His voice got louder, his face changed and suddenly I saw that same rage from before. He slammed his hand on the table and got in my face, shouting words I can’t even repea

That was it for me. I grabbed my bag, ran out the door, and didn’t look back. I blocked his number

Looking back, I can’t believe I ever convinced myself that kind of behavior could change. I thought forgiveness would heal things, but all it did was teach him I’d stay no matter what he did. I should’ve left the first time

I really shouldn’t have forgiven him. People never learn from what happened

Top Comments

Commenter 1: You’ve learned though. Well done.

Commenter 2: Manipulating you into meeting the parents so you’d be trapped. Classic.

Right now I’m reading a book called ‘Why Does He Do That’ about abusive controlling men, written by a counselor who has worked with hundreds of them… What I’m learning is that they know better - which is why they behave themselves around strangers or the cops. If it were “a loss of control” due to anger issues they wouldn’t have limits: but they usually do; it’s why they stop themselves at a certain point rather than doing too much damage or getting themselves in trouble with the law. If they truly couldn’t control themselves you’d be dead.

He has issues and they’re not going to change (that behavior didn’t come out of the blue). Literally, statistically these men don’t change! That’s the actual conclusion by the author of the book.

I forgave my ex-partner for strangling me once, then it happened five more times. Also fractured my wrist, punched me in the face, jammed my finger pretty bad and all the bruising goes without saying… He always had the most heartfelt apologies though. I’d get so wrapped up in consoling him for his guilt I’d forget I was the on…

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1ojpy8r/aio_for_thinking_of_leaving_my_boyfriend_after_he/