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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-10-31 04:00:05+00:00.
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/NoFig9534
Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes
My BIL just moved in and HATES my favorite artist
Editor’s note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability
Trigger Warnings: job loss, mentions of depression, mental health struggles, possible mild verbal abuse
Mood Spoilers: positive
Editor’s note: the body text for the original post has been saved before it was deleted
Original Post: October 11, 2025
Hey hey two hot takes fam! Long time listener, first time poster. I love this community and the advice is always stellar so I’m hoping yall will be able to help me.
My partner (m23) and I (nb25) are HUGE swifties. We own every vinyl, (almost) all of the cardigans, have her on almost all of our playlists (what can I say, she really does have a song to fit all my vibes), and I even went to the eras tour. Recently, my partners brother (m22) fell on hard times.
We moved away about 6 months ago and are renting a (very small) 2 bedroom house 12 hours away. About 4 months ago, my partners brother was kicked out of their family home by their mom (long story but she’s a real piece of work) and moved in with his partner. That… didn’t work out so well either. It was a rural area, decently far from the family, and he wasn’t able to find a job after almost 2 months. He missed his car payments, lost his car, and then also got kicked out of there. We’ve all been friends for years so we offered him our extra room and to help him get off his feet a little bit. He’s been here for about 3 weeks now, has found decent employment, and has been a good help around the house. When he moved up here, we knew it would be a drain on our resources (he had $0 to his name) and a huge adjustment for us but didn’t anticipate any huge issues.
Now everything is coming to a head. With Taylor Swifts new album coming out, he’s really amped up his hatred for her. We can’t listen to her in the car, watch any interviews/tiktoks/etc in the living room containing her, play any of our vinyls, or talk about her (to each other) without him blowing up. I totally get she’s not for everyone and respect that! I have friends and family who don’t like her music at all and it doesn’t bother me.
But my brother in law HATES her, imo an unreasonable amount for a person you’ve never met. I feel like I’m not allowed to even exist in my own home without inciting an argument. On the rare occasion I do play a handful of Taylor Swift songs, he makes it a miserable experience between slamming doors, stomping around, and making nasty comments. He’s even interrupted my partners work (he works from home) to rant about her + send several (fake) news articles about her.
Most recently, tonight, my partner and I were cuddled up on the couch while eating dinner watching the tiktoks I’ve sent him and there were a few (3) containing her songs. His brother came down to grab food (we don’t always eat together), hung out for 5 minutes, heard 2 tiktoks with her music… then got up, huffed and stomped, made a few comments I couldn’t catch under his breath, threw his dinner in the trash, and threw his utensils into the sink (loud enough to make me jump) and stormed upstairs. We’ve tried to talk to him about it and say that he doesn’t need to like her but he needs to respect that we do and learn to tolerate her music in the house.
We’re not asking for listening parties or anything crazy. We’ve been pretty mindful (more than I’m comfortable with) about playing her music or talking about her when he’s anywhere near. However, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say we’d like to be able to have a glass of wine and pop an album on once a week or something after a rough week (in our house, where he’s living rent free currently… we pay for EVERYTHING including his weed).
I’ve even tried to liken it to HIS favorite artists, pointing out that until that exact moment he never even had an idea I can’t stand them either. I’ve let him play their music, talk about them relentlessly, watch interviews, whatever and have just kept my mouth shut because I don’t see the point in ruining his joy over 10 minutes of my unhappiness. It, obviously, didn’t change anything aka why I’m posting here. The constant negativity and shitting on something I enjoy has really been getting to me. I’ve noticed I’m increasingly more irritable and on edge, I don’t even want to be around him right now. I don’t know where to go from here or how to fix it! He’s only been here for 3 weeks and I’ve already had to tell my partner his brother may need to move out at this rate. Two hot takes fam… what do I do?
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: He’s living rent-free and throwing a fit over your music? The audacity. This isn’t about Taylor Swift, it’s about his respect for you in your own home. Time for a serious talk about house rules or an exit plan.
OOP: Thank you! That’s what I’ve been saying! The level of disrespect is insane. He’s been my best friend for 3 years and now we live together, and my partner and I are helping him financially, and he acts like this?
Commenter 2: NTA. I don’t like Taylor Swift, but if you are graciously giving me a place to stay when I’m on hard times, your music choices would be my last thought. I’d be more concerned about what chores I could do to pay you back while I looked for a job. And to thank you on a daily basis. What to do? Well, he can STFU and contribute to the household or he can move out. Again, I really can’t stand Taylor Swift. If someone was kind enough to offer me a home when I needed help, I’d be so grateful. Being a jerk about what music you love is such a terrible thing to comment on. You seem so kind and I’m sorry this is happening.
OOP: Thank you. It’s nice to know that even people who don’t like her music (so valid, btw) can appreciate the absurdity of this situation. You sound great as well! We did just help get him a job so my partner (I don’t drive due to a medical issue) is loaning his car out to him to use to get to and from work.
For now, he’s working with me (unfortunately, but luckily I’m his boss) at a seasonal job and he should be set to start at a different job on the 20th. I’m hopeful that once he’s working more, I’ll have some free time to actually relax after work and listen to my music. But for now, I’m exhausted of this situation so I think it’s time for another talk tomorrow.
Commenter 3: Dude’s acting like a toddler throwing tantrums over someone else’s music taste while living rent free in your house. The audacity is honestly impressive - you’re literally paying for his weed and he can’t handle hearing Taylor Swift for 3 minutes without losing his shit Time to set some real boundaries because this isn’t sustainable
OOP: Thank you for the validation! I totally agree this isn’t sustainable.
I’m very neurodivergent, have been suffering from depression for a while, and don’t have a lot of things that bring me joy like music does and now I don’t even have that. It’s infuriating and upsetting!
Do you have any advice on how you’d go about setting boundaries? I feel like it’s unreasonable to tell him that if he can’t get with the program, he’ll have to get out (he won’t have anywhere to go at all after us) but since having a reasonable conversation didn’t work… I’m not sure where to go from here or how else to get my point across.
Commenter 4: You have bad taste in music. But he’s a guest. But let’s differentiate a tiny bit. Is this simple music playing in the house at a low normal volume? Or are you blasting it? Because if you blast music I hate all the time even if I’m a guest in your house it’s probably going to drive me nuts and make me cranky as hell. Why is this post not solved by the wonderful modern invention of headphones? I know they’re kind of new and all but like… can’t you just use headphones? This post sounds like a VOLUME fight disguised as a MUSIC fight. To me anyway. And if you’re blasting shit where someone can’t get any peace, even as a guest, I kind of see how that’d grate and make them act up a little. Just wear some fucking headphones they’re cheap.
OOP: I have headphones and use them frequently. But I don’t want to wear headphones in the car when I have a perfectly functioning sound system, completely avoid using my record player (to play my 15+ records of hers), and avoid talking to my partner about whatever I want to talk about to my partner.
I play the music at a reasonable volume. When I’m playing it in the living room - you can’t hear it in either bathroom, any of the bedrooms, or downstairs. It’s common for my partner/BIL to come down and remark that they didn’t know I was even playing music (if it’s something they like I get a “oh so you’re having a jam out without me? Wowwwww lol”) So it’s definitely completely avoidable. I tend not to blast music at all (I’m disabled and have chronic migraines anyways so loud music gives me a headache).
But the outbursts happen regardless, if he walks past us while we’re watching tiktoks together on our phones on the couch while he’s off doing his own thing…
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1okktum/my_bil_just_moved_in_and_hates_my_favorite_artist/
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Wtf peace is an option!!!?
But the outbursts happen regardless, if he walks past us while we’re watching tiktoks together on our phones on the couch while he’s off doing his own thing, talking in the kitchen while putting groceries and he needs to walk through, etc.
Even if I was blasting it sometimes, I think slamming doors, throwing things, interrupting work to complain unprompted etc is inappropriate behavior. I’ve also gifted him his own earbuds and am in the process of turning the garage into a hangout/smoke spot for him and my partner.
Ultimately, it’s my home and he’s a guest and I’m just looking for advice on how to bring this up to him without damaging our relationship any further or kicking him out (as he’d be homeless). I don’t think having to wear headphones, completely avoid using vinyls, and not listening to a single Taylor song in the car when he needs a ride somewhere is a good solution though.
I’d completely understand if I was blasting it or listening to it excessively but as it is, in the past 3 weeks, I’ve listened to one vinyl at a decent volume (after fair warning) and a total of no more than 10 songs in the entire time besides the vinyl.
Update: October 12, 2025 (next day)
Update: My BIL just moved in and HATES my favorite artist
Hey, two hot takes fam! Thank you so much for your input on my last post. With the exception of a few people, the comments were really affirming and helped me to pull my head out of my ass, man up, and face the situation more directly.
I went ahead and deleted the post, just in case. As I caught a few people I know IRL peeping it (my fault for putting everyone onto the pod).
We waited until he was in a good mood, then my partner and I sat him down and laid everything out on the table. We told him that his reactions to our music made us feel like we were walking on eggshells and being held hostage in our own home. We told him we were starting to become resentful and considering drastic measures if things didn’t change.
We made it clear that we were happy to help him, to an extent (and clarified the extent), but only if he could remain respectful. We clearly set the expectation that, in this house (OUR house), we don’t throw things, slam things, yuck anyone’s yum, or yell.
We made sure to address it all delicately but firmly. We asked if he’d felt respected in the house + if there was anything deeper going on mentally. He let us know about some personal things he was struggling with and we worked together to make a game plan going forward. So to those of you who pointed out it was likely a lot of change at once & there was probably a deeper mental health issue occurring- thank you!
He recognized and acknowledged that his reactions were inappropriate, as well as unwarranted. He apologized for his responses + disrespect, thanked us for being willing to put so much effort into making him understand how his actions were affecting us, and how mindful we’ve been about playing her music (while admitting we’ve been, objectively, overly conscious).
He agreed that the frequency we were asking for wasn’t unreasonable (45 minutes a week after a rough day over dinner without him, talks in private conversations not including him, during activities not including him like watching tiktoks on the couch as he walks by, and a song here or there when running errands for several hours). He confirmed we weren’t listening too loudly, that he wasn’t able to hear it in his room or upstairs at all, and that we should be able to sparingly listen to her music in common spaces (as we allow him to do as well).
We came to the conclusion, together, that his frustration his been building since his feed has been full of her stuff recently with the recent album (the fact that this is likely due to his interactions with her hate videos is a discussion for another time, though we did bring this up at surface level) and he’s been taking that frustration out on us.
We collectively agreed that it’s just better for him to keep his mouth shut going forward. Ultimately, there’s nothing we could say (if we ever tried) to make him like her. And on the flip side, there’s nothing he can say to make us not like her. We know how he feels, he knows how we feel, and there’s no point in beating a dead horse.
So basically, he’s been overexposing HIMSELF. It was good to hear him come to the conclusion this whole situation was 99% his own fault and tell us that we weren’t doing anything wrong.
Honestly, neither of us were expecting the level of accountability he took.
All three of us have got headphones (we gave him a pair of earbuds about a week ago) and will continue to keep them in heavy rotation for longer listening sessions of music others don’t enjoy, as we have been doing, while doing chores or whatever around the house if we’re all out in common spaces.
We’re going to continue working on turning our garage into a hang out space for the boys. He’ll be paying an agreed upon amount (under market value) for rent/utilities/groceries once he receives his first paycheck and will be covering his own expenses (weed/vapes/gas,etc) as well.
I’ve agreed to teach him budgeting and basic finance management techniques to help him get on his feet faster and take the necessary steps towards independence.
I’m planning to surprise him with a few vinyls of his own, of his favorite artists, so that he feels we’re on more equal ground (not a complaint of his, just an idea my partner and I agreed on) for Christmas (though I’ll likely give them to him early). We already have a few vinyls of artists we all enjoy.
Our lease renews in April. Until then, we’ll be having biweekly sit downs to go over concerns and will reevaluate our living situation at lease renewal, if he’s still here then, if all goes well, sooner if things don’t improve.
The mood in the house is great now! I thought there might be some tension after the discussion but it went over very well.
We ended the discussion by saying that we all loved each other, only wanted the best for the household, and that everyone deserved to feel happy & safe in the home.
We’re all sitting down now, getting ready to eat dinner together and watch a movie. So I thought I’d update you guys while I wait for my pot roast to be done.
Thanks again, yall!
Relevant / Top Comments
Commenter 1: There are so few happy conclusions on reddit. I am frankly thrilled how well this worked out and how everyone handled this.
Enjoy your pot roast, Taylor, and as I said in my comment on your original post, you just sound like a very kind person. I hope you have a wonderful life. You are an amazing person and deserve only the best.
OOP: Truly, thank you so much for your comments. Despite the validation, because his responses were so extreme, I really began to question if I was acting entitled/inappropriate/rude (people calling me a bitch didn’t help for sure) or something. I reread your comment several times, shared it with my partner, and screenshotted it to reread if the need arises later (or show it to my BIL if things don’t improve and I ever tell him about the og reddit post).
Thank you, kind internet stranger. I hope your pillow is always cool and (to quote taylor swift) you should have what you want, you deserve what you want, I hope you get what you want. Wishing all the best for you!
Commenter 2: Yall handled this with so maturity, I’m impressed. It’s not something you often see on Reddit. Good on you!
Commenter 3: I love it when adults, adult so beautifully. Compassion, consideration and some compromise. You guys did so well, and probably handled it better than I would have if someone attacked my hobby/artist/tastes! Wishing you guys the best!
Commenter 4: Damn this is actually wholesome af, love to see it worked out. Most of these stories end with someone getting kicked out or worse lol. Props for actually sitting down like adults instead of just letting it fester
OOP: Thank you! I knew that kicking him out was an absolute last resort. After all, before all of this he was my best friend (still is) and he’ll always be my BIL. That aside, being responsible for someone’s homelessness without first exhausting all other avenues would actually kill me I think.
Commenter 5: Congratulations on handling this so well, and I love how everyone showed up as their best selves! It sounds like you’ve opened up a lot of communication and established a solid plan for moving forward. I was thinking about what you said about your partner’s and BIL’s mom – and this situation sounds like a great way to create the family you all want and need. I hope you enjoyed your movie and pot roast family time!
Also, kudos for seeing kicking BIL out as a last resort. I get the sense you’re a highly empathetic person, and the world needs more like you.
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