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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-11-01 04:00:02+00:00.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/MiddleDull

My boyfriend told me I was prettier before

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

TRIGGER WARNING: Body shaming, controlling behavior

Original Post - rareddit Nov 10, 2018

So I met my boyfriend when I was blonde. No i’m not naturally blonde but I bleached it and had it for over a year. I had to cut what once was long brunette hair because it became too damaged after I started bleaching it. My blonde hair was too much to handle as i started experiencing hair loss and I had to go back to my natural color in order to let it heal. That’s when I decided to never dye my hair again. However I was met with comments such as “bleach it again, it looked better before” and i’ve never felt worse about myself. The one that really got to me was “can i tell you something honestly? You looked better before. Everyone liked you more when you were blonde, get over it and bleach it again”. The person who said it was my boyfriend. I was stunned and I didn’t know what to say or dp. I was really insecure about my looks just a few years ago, and this had me thinking does hair color really determine how pretty i am? What should I do? I don’t want to be with someone who makes me feel like I have to do something in order to please him or others. I don’t want to be with someone who makes me feel insecure.

Update: He said that he was just “joking”. Still seems like a red flag to me.

Edit: I just want to clarify, I see nothing wrong with preferences. Obviously everyone has preferences and it’s a normal thing. What bothers me is the way he said it even though it could have been prevented with a simple “I think it looked better blonde but you’re pretty nonetheless” but instead what I got was, and I quote, straight from his message “Can I tell you something honestly?” as a response to an old pic of me where I had blonde hair “You looked better before. Everyone I know liked you more when you were blonde, get over it. Bleach it and go back to blonde, please.” THIS, I don’t think it’s an opinion or preference. It would have been if he said it nicely and I would have no issues with it.

Edit 2: I dyed my hair brown a month before we started dating, it’s not like I dyed my hair during our relationship. We were friends for over a year before that.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

theskipster

“He said that he was just “joking”.”

He wasn’t joking.

He can have preferences about your hair color. He can tell you his preference. But this:

“Everyone liked you more when you were blonde, get over it and bleach it again Is your huge warning sign about who he really is.”

I get that you have some really low self esteem and that causes you to think you can’t do better than him, but you can. I promise.

~

MarianaTrenchBlue

“Just joking” is the cowards excuse. He pushed until he saw you were offended, then took a tiny step back.

Don’t have sex with this guy. He makes you feel insecure and insults your appearance. Ditch.

Update - rareddit Nov 11, 2020 (Next Day)

UPDATE: So before I proceed i want to talk more about my reasoning behind my actions and why i decided to do it. For a while now i felt like i had to be the best version of myself in front of my boyfriend, i kept telling it was for myself and that i was the one who wanted to look nice. My skin is breaking out? Better cover that up so he doesn’t see! Even though i’ve always avoided wearing makeup during break outs and never really cared if other people saw it. His comment about my hair bothered me because he disregarded my health and well-being just because HE likes it? Again, obviously there’s nothing wrong with preferences, I also have preferences and it’s completely normal. He has voiced his preferences for blondes before and how he liked my blonde hair but he never went as far as to be this aggressive about it, especially since he knew how much it damaged both me and my hair. That’s the thing. I don’t want to be with someone who makes me feel insecure. I don’t want to sacrafice my health for someone else’s preferences, when I myself prefer brunette hair.

Also his “joke” made me think- if i had agreed and said “Yes i will bleach my hair again” would he say he was “just joking”? No. He wouldn’t.

I’m not going to go much into the details: I talked to him about it and explained why it bothered me, talked about my experience with blonde hair and how i was experiencing hair loss. He got defensive and started saying how he was only joking, and how i’m making a big deal out of it because, and i quote “You want attention”

Yeah, i’d rather be a brunette than bald, and i’d rather have healthy hair than a boyfriend.

Overall i want a healthy relationship where i dont feel like i need to live up to someone’s expectations in order to please their preferences and have them stay with me and sadly, this wasn’t that relationship. I broke it off after arguing with him and got called an insecure bitch who only wants compliments and cares only about how she looks.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP’s OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7