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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-11-01 15:32:00+00:00.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/UnusualInsect

My BIL [34M] invited me [27F] and my husband [29M] to an orgy.

TRIGGER WARNING: Borderline sexual harassment

Original Post Oct 28, 2018

This happened yesterday. We went to my in-laws house to celebrate my FIL’s birthday. The entire family was there, including my BIL and his wife. Now, everyone knows that they’re in an open marriage and they’re part of a swingers club, they’re very open about that. I never had an issue with that and neither my husband, but we never had an interest in this sort of thing at all.

So imagine my surprise when my BIL, after making some small talk, told me that he was organizing a small orgy with a couple of friends and they needed two more people! And what do you know, me and his brother were the perfect couple for it. I never in my life felt so uncomfortable as I did in that moment. I thought that maybe he was joking but he was completely serious. I told him that no, we weren’t interested. But he just said to keep an open mind and that I should talk to my husband before giving an answer.

After that I just avoided both him and his wife and to be honest I didn’t enjoy much of the celebration. I just kept thinking about what had happened. I don’t think anyone heard it because there was a lot of noise and I was making my way back to the living room when he showed up. There wasn’t any alcohol around the house since my FIL has had issues with it in the past, so I couldn’t even blame the situation on my BIL being drunk.

I still haven’t told my husband about it because I don’t even know if I should. They both barely have a relationship due to some conflicts in the past and I said very clearly that we weren’t interested, so that should be enough right?

TL;DR BIL invited me and my husband for an orgy, I said no but he told me to keep an open mind and talk to my husband before answering. My husband doens’t know about the proposal yet and I don’t know if I should tell him.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

rosephase

Why wouldn’t you tell your husband?

OOP

I don’t wanna create another fight between him and his brother, especially after 3 years of peace.

~

BitterFuture

I, uh…yeah, wow. Tip of the hat to you for keeping your cool amidst a bucket of crazy.

However! Despite being insanely uncomfortable, it seems like you do need to discuss this with your husband. Not to reconsider your answer in the slightest, but your husband should be aware that this happened. After all, your BIL’s next conversation with him might well be, “So…given it any further thought?” "“What?” “You know, the orgy.” And then it goes downhill from there. Letting him be blindsided on that is no bueno.

Also, there’s also the matter that this is kind of an unwanted sexual advance on both of you. Goddamn, this is weird.

OOP

You know I didn’t think about it before since they’re so distant, but since he’s comfortable in proposing something like that I don’t think he’s caring a lot.

TOP COMMENT

carnation345

He invited his own brother on orgy?? That’s next level weird

Update Dec 21, 2018 (2 months later)

I decided to give an update, since we’ve finally reached the end of the mess from the first post. I told my husband, shortly after I posted the story here because I was feeling very anxious and he was going to pick up on that anyway. I don’t think I have to say that my husband was livid, I never saw him like that before. After a lot of talking, I ended up learning a lot about the relationship between him and BIL.

To keep things short, BIL is a huge asshole who has ruined relationships for my husband in the past. The only reason he didn’t ruin ours was because my husband put a lot of distance between himself and his own family. His family by the way, always chalked it all up to sibling rivalry and never did anything to help, so I don’t blame him.

What happened after: My husband called BIL and asked him to not contact us anymore, he only wanted him to apologize to me for dragging me into this. BIL denied his request saying it was just a joke and I should be able to take one like a grown up. He hung up on us and that was that for a few days, until we received a call from my MIL who was very angry. BIL had told her and my FIL what had happened and that he was very upset that he couldn’t even make jokes without my husband making a big deal out of it. So MIL was calling to say that we and my BIL’s family weren’t going to be invited to family gatherings anymore until everything was solved.

I told my husband about the call and he was surprisingly calm this time around, saying that it was the usual behavior and that if I wanted to he would make an effort but he didn’t care very much. At this point I was angry myself because I never saw this behavior in his family before and it was etremely frustrating. I told him not to bother and that it would be up to him to decide. We kept mostly to ourselves since and nobody reached out to us either. Until monday, when my FIL called us to say that BIL was invited to spend christmas with the family because his wife was pregnant. He only wanted to make sure that we knew this because he didn’t want us showing up to “ruin everyone’s good time”.

Me and my husband ended up laughing about it later because it was so absurd. But I noticed that it has taken a toll on my husband’s mood and I’m debating suggesting therapy for him because I feel like there’s a lot he doesn’t feel comfortable telling me. We’re going to spend christmas with my parents and I hope my husband will be able to tune out from this entire situation and have a good time.

TL;DR BIL said it was a joke but he was offended that we didn’t take it as such. Shared with the family what had happened and eveyone ended up getting banned from family gatherings. Except now BIL can go home for christmas because his wife is pregnant. We cannot because we would ruin the party.

Edit 1: I didn’t expect this to get the attention it did. I’ve been reading the comments and I want to say thank you to everyone who shared resources to help us moving foward. A lot of people have also been telling their own stories and I can’t answer them all but know that I read it and your advices are being heard. This has helped me to get some perspective as I cannot share what happened with my close friends. My husband is aware of this post and he will read it in his own time, right now we will be focusing on the holidays and he would rather deal with it once the celebrations are over. Thank you once again to everyone!

RELEVANT COMMENTS

cute_physics_guy

Sounds like you are both best off separating yourselves from his family. WTF kind of mom enables sex jokes to her daughter in law from her other son?

I am NC with my sister and VLC with my Dad over their “jokes” and other issues that could be resolved with a simple apology.

I don’t know what the right answer is for your husband, if he wants to do therapy, by all means.

Me, there’s no level of therapy that will give me a decent family, so I’ve long detached myself and moved on.

OOP

Yeah, I’m not going to lie, I’m still weirded out after going through it because I could never do that sort of stuff to a family member and be so unapologetic about.

I’m sorry about your experience. I hope you’ve found your own peace and comfort with people that you enjoy.

throwawaynomad123

Your husband should take his parents’ calls - it shouldn’t go through you.

OOP

Oh I didn’t take any calls directed to him. MIL called me instead of calling my husband. It sounded a lot like “I did my part now do yours”. FIL called my husband.

~

OgusLaplop

Therapy might help

Hugs, kisses, affection and intimacy maybe all he really needs.

The real shame is that it seems the BIL has reproduced.

OOP

Oh definitely, I started pushing for dates more often and now he is the one that suggests it. He also was talking about a trip to a place we’ve been dying to go. The therapy would be more if he wants a place to vent in case he doesn’t feel comfortable telling me yet, he doesn’t speak a lot about his past, especially family wise. I always found it odd but now I might understand why.

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