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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-11-02 04:00:02+00:00.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA-ccitizen

My girlfriend told me about some mean pranks she did to a slower kid in high school. Is it a red flag even though it was a few years ago?

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

TRIGGER WARNING: Extreme bullying, ableism

MOOD SPOILER: Horrific

Original Post Jan 3, 2021

So I (24/m) have only known my current gf (22/f) for about three months but we have great chemistry so far. A few days ago we were talking about some stories we each had from high school. She told me about a weird kid in her school that her friends used to mess with. She used to pretend to be interested in being his girlfriend and then she’d embarrass him by getting him to do something humiliating or showing their private texts to other people, etc, or they’d set up some kind of elaborate prank on him.

In the story she told me, she was on a “date” with him one night in a park, and she told him she wanted him to take off his pants for her. After he did it, her other friends came and took the pants and everyone drove away leaving him alone to walk home in his underwear. She told me more stories but you get the point. It made me sad though because I got the impression the guy might have been a little mentally disabled or something because she said that after everything they’d do he still wouldn’t understand that she was in on all these pranks with her other friends. She’d either pretend it had nothing to do with her or she’d make up some excuse I guess and the kid kept falling for it. She really thought it was funny though, like she could barely contain herself while she was telling me this stuff.

It’s been a few days and it’s bothering me so I figured I’d ask for some advice. I have a feeling this is a huge overreaction. It’s just a strange feeling because she seemed incredibly sweet up to this point, but after telling me this story and the lack of remorse it’s difficult to look at her the same way. I’m not perfect by any means and I feel like I’m being a dick for judging someone about something that happened in high school but it still bothered me. Thanks for any advice.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

MadamKitsune

Be honest with yourself here. She repeatedly cultivated a fake romantic interest between herself and a vulnerable person purely to victimize them. She didn’t make a spur of the moment error of judgement, both her and her friends planned this out, laid the groundwork and then executed it AGAIN AND AGAIN. She didn’t just mess around with someones heart, she went all out to humiliate and harm their mental health. You have no idea how deeply the damage they did to this guy runs, even to this day. People have taken their own life because of the impact bullying has had on them and yet she has not a single shred of remorse? She thinks it’s a hoot? A great tale to tell to garner a few giggles? There is something fundimentally wrong with your girlfriend, something you can’t fix and could be turned against you one day, should you not meet her expectations somehow.

At three months in I’d call this a dealbreaker and make my excuses to end things. Actually, even at three years in I’d be out. I wouldn’t want to risk raising a family with someone who found such cruelty so amusing, just in case they tried passing on their warped ideas at humour on to our kids.

OOP

That’s an insightful way of putting it. It’s just difficult for me to make sense of these actions given everything else I know about her but you’re right, what she did was really terrible and it’s hard to find an excuse for it.

~

Complete_Entry

One of my favorite high school memories was explaining to the slow guy that the other kids were not being friendly and were mocking him / fucking with him. It was definitely a laughing at, not laughing with situation.

He beat the shit out of them the next time they messed with him. I went to the principal and explained what had happened.

He didn’t get in trouble. I got told to never fucking do that again.

Every job I worked in that town he’d come visit and shop there. Many years later I worked with his brother, who was not impaired. He hugged me and said that I changed the course of his brother’s life. He’d been quiet and bullied until I calmly explained things to him. After that he became outgoing and confident. He’d ride the bus to go around town and just had a happy vibrant life.

Teenagers do dumb cruel shit. One of the signs of growing up is leaving that shitty behavior behind.

The fact that she seems to look back on treating an impaired person like shit is something like a cherished memory? Run, don’t walk.

It’s in no way an overreaction. She’s a cruel shitty person.

OOP

That’s a great story :)

I just wanted to thank everyone for all your advice so far. I have a lot to think about and I’m pretty set on breaking up with her but as someone else suggested I do want to talk to her and see what she says if I actually confront her about what she did being wrong. The story she told me made me sad but the response of all of you made me really happy to see so many great people and to know that I wasn’t overthinking it.

By the way, I can’t find the comment now but someone said “she probably teases dogs by holding food over its face.” Just wanted to say you’re correct. That’s what she did the first time she ate near my dog until I told her to stop. I hate when people do that but I know a lot of people do so I didn’t think much of it. But seriously, amazing prediction. Thanks for helping connect the dots.

Update Jan 6, 2021 (3 days later)

Hey everyone, first I wanted to say thanks for all the advice you gave me originally. I asked the question thinking I was overreacting but as I read some of your responses, especially from those who had traumatic experience themselves, it sort of knocked some sense into me so I appreciate that. That being said, this was still pretty hard for me even though we’ve only been together for three months. I know that sounds silly but it’s true.

I decided to take the advice of talking to her before breaking up. People wanted to know what the result was so I’ll try to briefly give you the gist of it.

Last night we hung out for a couple hours and to be honest we really had a great time together and it was hard for me to even have this conversation at the end of it. I wanted to just move on and ignore the red flag, but I knew it shouldn’t be ignored.

I brought up the kid she told me about again, but I did it very casually, not like I was gonna lecture her or something, so her guard was still down. She started laughing just at the mention of him. She casually told me another story of her friends’ antics with him. I then asked her why they liked to mess with him so much. She paused for a second and then kind of giggled and said “I don’t know, he was just a douchebag.” I asked “why was he a douchebag? Did he do something to you to make you mad at him?” She said “not really he was just so stupid and naive it was annoying.” There was a pause because I didn’t really know how to follow up to that answer, then she continued and said (exact words) “he had no purpose, he was just there to make people laugh.”

It really made me sad to hear that because I wanted there to be some explanation that reduced the cruelty of the situation, but there wasn’t. I got kind of angry and I just told her that everything she told me was absolutely horrific, that she should think about how she would feel if someone did these things to her. I said that to torture an innocent person just because it’s entertaining is a totally inhuman thing, and the fact that she still has the same mindset today shows how immature she is on top of it.

I’m normally not harsh like that but it just came out. While I was talking she gave me a look of total incredulity like she thought I was joking or going insane or something. I told her I can’t continue a relationship with somebody like this even though we had such a great thing up to this point. I actually had to convince her I was serious and not joking around. She thought the real reason I wanted to break up was this minor thing that happened a couple weeks ago. She just couldn’t believe that I was ending the relationship because of this. Once she knew I was serious she got extremely angry, saying that I was just getting off on “shaming her” because I wanted to abuse her, and that I have no right to talk to her like that and so on. She called me all kinds of names and said how she never liked me anyway and how I’m a loser, etc etc. But other than that we parted ways smoothly. I got some angry texts this morning which I’m saving for a while just in case.

So there it is. I honestly feel better already because I know it’s for the better, especially considering her reaction. I figured I’d give you this update since everyone seemed pretty interested in the situation. Thanks again.

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