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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-11-02 04:02:06+00:00.
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Annual_Razzmatazz_94
Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest
I think my husband had an emotional affair, and I’ll never know the truth
Thanks to u/soayherder & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: obsessive behavior
Mood Spoilers: enraging
Original Post: August 31, 2025
A woman, Beth, (30sF) moved in to our estate a few weeks ago. A single mother with split custody with her ex. My husband, Carl, (32M) is the chairperson of our HoA.
A week or 2 after moving in, she calls my husband to ask his assistance in mounting her TV on the wall. He goes and helps. A few days later her dishwasher was leaking. He goes and helps. This wasn’t a problem for me, as he always helps everyone in the estate with little problems.
As the weeks go on, she constantly needs help with things, always calling him for help. He goes. I now started getting annoyed as we haven’t been in the best state because I’ve just had a baby (he’s 4 months old) and we’ve had fights where I felt he wasn’t helping me enough. I gave natural birth and am still bleeding now and then and my pelvis is still readjusting.
Carl goes over to help Beth (AGAIN, even our neighbors who we are very close with commented that its odd) and offers that we do a lunch or something to welcome her and be friends as she just moved here and doesn’t really know anyone. Mind you, he hasn’t done this for other people.
Lunch happens, and she calls me by the wrong name. I correct her and she’s very giggly about it. She seems okay, a bit too over the top in terms of trying to be dominant in a conversation, but I think she’s okay. She comes over again one more time for a barbecue a week or two later and outlr close neighbors join. They think she’s okay, too.
Then that week, while I’m at work, she comes over to say hi to my husband (he works from home, she’s a teacher and schools are currently closed). She shows up wearing workout clothes. I got a text from my neighbor that also works from home, saying Beth is there. I leave it, as my husband is very social and we have cameras in the house.
The next day, same thing. I mention that I’m glad she’s made a friend, my husband agrees and that “she’s a cool chick”. This happens about 4 more times. I then have to travel for work, 4 days away, and then she came over almost every single day. In workout clothes. One night I watched the cameras, and they were sitting by the table eating together, and I just lost it.
My husband is an avid gamer, so he plays games every night, earing dinner by his PC… I always beg him to sit by me and eat with me. He does it maybe once or twice a week.
I called my husband after Beth had left and told him that these visits while I’m not home are making me very uncomfortable. Shes been over 3 times while I was home, but constantly there when its just him. He apologized and said he will set boundaries. Great! This discussion was on the Thursday night. Friday morning, Beth rocks up again. I keep my cool, because Carl said he will talk to her. I get home the Friday night and we have the discussion again. We are both calm and all that.
Monday morning our baby got sick. Carl takes him to the doctor and tells me that I need to be at home Tuesday and Wednesday because baby can’t go to baby school because he is sick. Okay cool, I come home early on Monday and look after baby. Monday afternoon, Beth and her ex have a chat about an offer my hubby had made to the ex about him coming over and also being friends (ex lives in our estate too). Do you think Beth texts my husband about this chat that happemd on the Monday? Nope. I am home Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday morning when I go to the office, Beth rocks up to chat about it. I lost it completely, because now its been a week since I told Carl about my discomfort.
We had a very serious discussion that night where I said that if I see her here again when I am not here, I know he has no regard for my feelings. He was adamant about staying friends, and asked for a compromise. I said that the compromise is that she does not come here when i am not here. The next morning he went to go talk to her about it, and apparently she was extremely apologetic, really wanting to be friends with me too… but she almost never came over when I was at home.
She hasn’t been here since then (2 weeks now) and I have not had a text or whatever from her. He refused to show me the texts with her, and I told him that it will always bug me if he doesn’t show me. He said “so be it”. I honestly think he was having an emotional affair. But I will never know…
My close neighbor told me about a conversation she had with him while I was at work a few weeks ago;
“He told me you were jealous and I said well can you blame her then I said that he drops everything for these woman but doesn’t do the same for you. And he said “that’s what OP said” then he went silent and changed the subject 🤣🤣”.
Just needed to vent…
Relevant / Top Comments
Commenter 1: Thats really painful, you are right to feel hurt. Even if not physical, the secrecy and attention he gave her crossed a boundary
OOP: He honestly made me feel like I was acting crazy, because he only spoke to her after I went delulu. But thank you
Commenter 2: He crossed many boundaries. And this is something that you need to go to couples counseling about. You have every right to be concerned and upset.
I would tell him outright that he had an emotional affair. Not only did you see it, but the neighbors saw it. And his lack of being forthcoming and letting you see the text messages is indicative of that and may show there is more than an emotional affair.
I would go see an attorney to get you affairs in order in effort to protect yourself and your child. Additionally, I would start sleeping separately for now too.
Commenter 3: Your neighbour is a hero. Calling him out for doing things for her and not you. Hopefully with someone else saying it, it actually registers in his truck head.
Even if it’s not emotional cheating he has no regard for your feelings or helping you out but happy to spend time helping other women. Totally inappropriate.
Update #1: October 8, 2025 (a bit over five weeks later)
UPDATE: I think my husband had an emotional affair, and I’ll never know the truth
Update:
I managed to see the messages between them. Nothing of a sexual nature at all, not even flirty. There was a day where he texted her at 07h30, but only texted me at 09h45 after I had sent him a text at 06h50, but that’s as bad as it gets… He does not know that I’ve seen the texts so I’ve kept it quiet.
We had a massive fight a few days after I made the original post, and I told him that I am considering separation. I think that made him realize how serious this all is. It’s pretty much a blur, but I’ve started going to therapy to deal with past traumas and I am on antidepressants. Carl joined me in my last session and I think he realizes what Beth’s intentions were, as my male psychologist said that that was very unusual behaviour from her, that “she is a threat and has intentions”
Carl and I are doing great now, but the reason why I am posting this update, is to show what Beth said to me after I decided to send her a message to bury the hatchet and move on. These are the texts:
Me: Dear Beth,
I wanted to share what’s been on my mind. I was genuinely glad when we first met. It felt like I’d found someone new with a similar personality, and I thought there was potential for a real friendship. But as time has passed, I’ve felt hurt and disrespected by some of your choices. As someone who has also experienced betrayal, I would have hoped you’d understand how it came across when you frequently visited my husband while I wasn’t home, yet never came when I was there. You had opportunities to build a friendship with me too. I’ve just had a baby, and during such a vulnerable time it was especially difficult seeing how often you reached out to Carl for help. Certain things, like your son calling him “dada”, crossed lines that made me deeply uncomfortable. I tried to brush off a lot, but when you avoided coming by during the days I was home, only to return the moment I was back at work, it became impossible to ignore. I’ve spoken to Carl about his role in this, but as a woman, I also expected you to recognize when enough was enough. In my position, I believe you would have felt the same way. I’ve acknowledged everything now and I’m moving forward. Whether it was you seeking attention or Carl enjoying it, I was willing to let things go, until both of your actions crossed into what I can only call unacceptable.
Beth then sent a long voice note detailing how it wasn’t her intention to hurt me, how she just naturally gravitates towards men, bla blah, and how me being an introvert she just didn’t wanna be in my space, blah blah blah. Then sent “I really like you guys and hope we can still be friends. But In saying that I will respect the boundaries and your wishes.”
Me: I appreciate your message
Beth…
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