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The original was posted on /r/transmedical by /u/BlueLight439 on 2025-11-03 20:36:21+00:00.

I want to share this experience. I shared this in another subreddit, I know, but I’m sharing here too because why not? I won’t copypaste the conversation, but I’ll write it in an unbiased way. She is ok with he/him and she/her pronouns but it/its pronouns are just her favourite (she uses so many sets of pronouns and hates they/them usage on her, to clarify further), I’m not using incorrect pronouns.

A friend I had pointed out I never call her it/its. Basically a conversation shift when I wasn’t even talking about pronouns. I asked how much people called her that. She said many people do, that it’s just basic respect, that she likes to be called that. She said “you don’t get to avoid it just because it makes you uncomfortable” (which I personally find messed up), and that she is tired of being nice about this. I said she made it sound like she doesn’t mind if people don’t call her “it” even if she likes it very much, I asked if that was just bad wording or if she changed her mind. She said she was afraid of how I’d react because of knowing I dislike the idea of referring to people with it/its pronouns, she said that made her uncomfortable.

I said it/its pronouns are objectifying and dehumanising, and it feels wrong to call people those. She said she is alterhuman, that she doesn’t see herself as fully human, that I don’t get to slap the labels objectifying and dehumanising on it/its pronouns, to respect how she views herself, that being called it/its makes her feel happy and affirmed. She asked if I want to see her happy and smile. I said I do. She said then to please respect her pronouns and thanked me. I asked if it is disrespect even if “he” and “she” are listed as pronouns she uses and that I was just trying to understand. She said yes because I’m actively avoiding using a particular set of pronouns based on my own personal biases which are irrelevant to how she views herself, that I need to look past those. She told me that when I refer to her as “it”, to think of that like how she calls Splatoon “it”, a loving, tender and respectful “it”. She said “im splatoon :3”. (I’m serious. She was talking in a childish, weird and immature way too, which added to the weirdness of the situation for me personally.)

I said I get it but it makes me wonder if she was lying when she said she doesn’t mind me having some certain different views. She asked me if I will call her it/its or not. She said no one she encountered had a problem with calling her it/its until me. (Which I find strange personally.) She said she doesn’t want to fight but she wants me to use her pronouns. I said if it means that much to her then maybe. She said “not maybe, yes, it’s basic respect”. She asked me why am I so unyielding about this when being called it/its does nothing negative (not true when it comes to my point of view) and only makes her happy. I said using those pronouns on people doesn’t feel right but I will do it if it makes her happy. She said “im not people im splatoon!!!”. I asked “so you’re a game concept?”, she said “yes :3 am splatoon :3”, I asked “and not a living being?”, she said “splatoon is living… especially splatoon 1!! on wii u :3”, I said “alright pfff”. I asked her again if she was lying when she said she doesn’t mind me having different views on certain things. She said she doesn’t mind and that she just thinks disliking the idea of referring to people with it/its pronouns is silly.

That’s it. I actually didn’t mean what I said. I was under stress and very uncomfortable during the entire thing. I’m normally a laid-back “I don’t give a fuck” type of person about other people’s toxic disapproval, but that part of me cracked in that context because of how very weird and shocking it was for me and because I didn’t wanna drive away or hurt the feelings of the friend I had, or let the situation get worse than it already got. But I stopped being friends with her just some days after this happened for unrelated reasons anyway (unrelated really bad things that happened between us, please don’t get the wrong idea, these pronoun and self-view stuff are very far from being the only problems I had with her). Got her out of my life before I could even call her “it” haha. I’d tell more about my thoughts, feelings and views, but I feel like it would put me at risk so I decided to not say much more than I have. But I’ll still say this; I disagree with with her mindset/ideology. Why did I even share this? I think because I need further healing from this friendship… I also wonder what people who don’t know me would think of this… So what do you think?

I hope she doesn’t somehow find this, but if she does… please just shut up, I suffered enough because of you already…

FAQ; “How were you even friends with this person? How old is she?” Good question! Childhood friend I met through a cartoon we both like. We’re both adults by now and she turned out like this… Also, like I already said, I’m not her friend anymore for other hurtful reasons. These happened this year.