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The original was posted on /r/exmormon by /u/Worldly_Chair_9852 on 2025-11-08 14:28:56+00:00.

Ok so I know the title is wild, but hear me out. Growing up chastity was a HUGE part of my childhood, and it was aggressively drummed into my head as a kid. Because of that I became very good at never thinking about women in a sexual way. Then, puberty starts to happen. Internally I refuse to think about women, and I consciously found myself locking those ideas down. But… my parents never said anything about other men…

From like middle school onward I really really thought I was gay and I closeted everything. Now I’m in my 20s, been on my own for a little bit, and for about a year have been experimenting with guys.

I was with my boyfriend last night talking about this, and as we talked it became clear that I haven’t gotten the full satisfaction from being with a guy. I know everyone is different and all, but when I climax I truly feel like no difference. When we were talking about what I’m into (both actions of and traits in a partner) to help me have a better experience, all the things I was describing are attributes that are more feminine. And like, I’ve never really enjoyed man parts, I just approach it with the sole idea of wanting to please my partner.

Anyways, my boyfriend did not grow up Mormon, but he knows a little bit. He thinks I may be more into girls than guys, and that I’m more bisexual than anything. He’s also a psychology major (which is why I put so much weight into this) and said that there’s a small chance that maybe the standards of the church and how I rationalized them cultivated homoerotic feelings in me.

I’m more confused than anything, and mostly want to see if anyone else has had this thought or experience before. This is my first Reddit post so I’m not sure how explicit I can get, which is why this is sparse with details. To this day I still get a strong reaction to not look at or sexualize girls, which is why this is hard for me to rationalize. I’m at the point of my life where I can’t fathom the idea of being with a girl, but I’m not getting satisfaction with where I’m at. This may be a totally unrelated problem to religion, and we may be totally wrong about this, but that’s why I’m asking to see if other people are more in the know.