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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2025-11-09 05:02:39+00:00.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is LisaoftheRoses. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old.

Trigger Warning: discussions of miscarriage

Mood Spoiler: decent ending

Original Post: September 29, 2025

I (35F) am the Stepmother to two lovely ten year old twin girls who I adore. I have been married to their father (38M) for five years and we dated for two years before that. I consider myself very close to them and we always have fun whenever they stay with me and their father.

They recently asked what kinds of movies I watched when I was their age so it led to me digging out some old classics most notedly the Parent Trap. Of all the older movies I showed them this one was their favourite I think they got a kick out of seeing a movie about twins. They even delighted in the fact that in their opinion I look like Meredith Blake (it’s the hair I think no way am I as gorgeous as Elaine Hendrix). It has become an inside joke of us with me often putting on her voice and acting the part while they fall into hysterical giggles. My husband has even gotten into it and playing the clueless Nick when we get into this playful spirit.

The girls are staying with us for Halloween, they alternate who has them on holidays and whoever has them for Halloween is in charge of the costume. The girls asked if I would do a group costume with them I was touched and told them of course, and asked them what they wanted to do. I should have seen it coming, they wanted to do the Parent Trap, with them as the girls and me as Meredith. I found it harmless and agreed. My husband found it funny and said he’d even dress as Nick then.

I got a call from their Mother today telling me she’d heard of the costume and she didn’t approve that she felt it wasn’t appropriate. I at first was touched and assumed she worried about their stepmother being portrayed as a wicked gold digger and told her it was fine it was just an inside joke that had occurred that sparked this. That wasn’t the issue, she didn’t think it was appropriate for me to do a group costume with her daughters at all and that it was clearly lazy and I was forcing it as why else would her daughters want to do a costume from an old movie?

I got rather upset here but tried to stay calm on the phone and I told her she might not approve but it was harmless and i’d been in the girls life for 7 tears at this point. My husband who was in the room during the call could see I was getting upset so took the phone off of me and began to get into it with his ex-wife. Telling her that she could have all the issues she wanted but it was an entirely proper costume for their age and it had been the girls who suggested it. Reminding her it was up to him what they dressed as this year and he’d approved of it. I got him to calm down as he was getting upset and the call ended rather tersely.

I just feel awful about this whole thing and I wonder if I should just bow out of matching the girls in costume if it will prevent further problems. I just know this will be a bigger thing down the line.

Some of OOP’s Comments:

Final-Dirt-5250: NTA The girls’ mother isn’t upset about the costume; she’s upset that her daughters love you enough to want to do a group costume with you. This is 100% about her own jealousy and insecurity.

Don’t back down. The girls asked you, and it would hurt them if you pulled out now because their mom threw a fit.

OOP: I really don’t want to back down, it means a lot to me that the girls asked me. I just worry that this could cause worse tension which could be bad for the girls. I also hate that she feels jealous and insecure as I think you’re right there. I love the girls like they’re my own but I will never replace their mother.

designatedthrowawayy: What do you value more? Making your husband’s ex-wife happy or making the two little girls you helped raise happy and creating an awesome memory with them?

OOP: Obviously making them happy. It’s not about making her happy exactly, it’s more concern if I don’t concede on this it’ll make things harder for the girls in the longterm.

cherrycoloured: NTA, but im curious, when you say “old movie,” do you mean the actually old one, or the one with lindsay lohan? bc if we are calling the latter movie old, im going to start shriveling up 😭😭😭

OOP: the 1998 movie with Lindsay Lohan i’m afraid! Trust me I know how you feel but to them it’s old.

To another commenter:

Oh trust me I dislike it being called that too! but to 10 year old girls it’s “old”

OOP is voted NTA

Update Post: November 2, 2025 (Over 1 month later)

Well, Halloween is officially over and I thought i’d give an update before I forgot.

Firstly, I’ve seen a lot of people wondering if I was the reason my Husband and his ex split up and i’d like to clear the air right now. No, they split up when the girls were 2. I came into the picture a year later.

Here is the original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1nta8zg/aita_for_doing_a_group_halloween_costume_with_my

Things came to a bit of a head on one of the girls visits before Halloween. I pulled their Mother aside to talk about Halloween, I told her that I understood she might have mixed feelings about this but the girls wanted it and I didn’t want to let them down, besides it was their fathers holiday and he was in charge of the costume as per their agreement for whoever had them on Halloween. I asked her if there was anything I could do to make this more tolerable for her as this wasn’t doing the girls any favours.

She ended up telling me that no, there was nothing I could do as she didn’t approve of it at all as it wasn’t appropriate for me to do a group costume with them as i’m only their stepmother. Even if i’ve been in their life for seven years at this point. She then suggested I only wanted to do this in the first place because i’m using her daughters as a filler as i’ve been unable to have my own children.

This got to me, i’ve had three miscarriages over my marriage. One of which the girls know and by extension their Mother as we thought I was past the danger point when we told them. I told her she was being ridiculous and I wasn’t going to talk about this with her anymore. After the girls left I broke down crying a little as having my miscarriages thrown in my face like that hurt and the implication that I only wanted to be close to the girls because I couldn’t have my own children was so wrong. When my Husband found out what she’d said to me ended up calling his Ex asking her where she got off being so cruel. He also made it clear she is not to call me anymore and all contact is to go through him.

We got the costumes ready and we were prepared for Halloween. She dropped the girls off and informed us that one of the girls had a cold and she didn’t want them out in the cold as it’d make it worse and seemed kind of pleased like this would put an end to our plans. When she left they tried to insist they were ok to go out even though they were sick but we weren’t about to risk making them more ill so my Husband and I came up with another plan. We all got dressed in our costumes of course, we ordered Pizza and watched movies. All four of us greeted any trick or treaters so our costumes could be seen and we also filled a tub with water and had a bobbing for apples competition. It wasn’t the night we had planned originally but all in all it was an enjoyable one despite the little hitch. That’s raising kids though. Thank you everyone for all your feedback! I hope you all had a wonderful Halloween.

Editing to add additional information; a few people have been worried about the fact we bobbed for apples. The girls love bobbing for apples on Halloween and as we couldn’t trick or treat we took precautions to ensure they could at least do one Halloween thing they enjoyed. We made sure the water wasn’t cold with towels on hand to dry off right away and the one who was sick went last and the water was poured out after to ensure that the chance of the cold spreading about was limited.

One of OOP’s Comments:

Ok_Wasabi8101: Was the kiddo actually sick? Bio mom gives straight high school mean girl vibes. I hope she grows up…

OOP: sadly yes, she was sniffly and had a bit of a temperature. She tried to insist she was ok to go out with her sister chiming encouragement but we didn’t want the cold air to make her worse.