This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/EnvironmentalRoll317 on 2023-09-10 01:47:07.

Some context here, We’re both 44. When we met he was a single father who had sole custody of two kids. The mother hadn’t been in the picture in years, big time drug user and lost all her kids. I was a single mother with three kids. One of the things (There were many things but this really got me as my kids are the most import thing in my life) that I found appealing was that he was legally raising and loving another man’s child as his own! The first few years together were great, some minor disagreements with parenting, like him calling my 3 and 4yr olds sissies because they needed a night light to sleep.

Blending families always has learning curves I thought, best to discuss with him and we can iron out a mutual parenting plan. It seemed to work for a few years.

We had all been living as one family for about five years. He proposed, 3 months after our wedding things started to change. Little things at first, comments that weren’t mean just mostly sarcastic Then it turned into yelling if a chore wasn’t done to his exact standards.

Each kid had 1 chore a day. I was not okay with this yelling and bickering that occurred daily, once again we talked but he wasn’t receptive and got very defensive “You let the kids get away with everything and they have no consequences.” I’m a firm believer in not double punishing kids. So if a chore wasn’t done correctly I would tell to remember next time that this is also part of your chore. For example if one was taking the trash out but didn’t put a new trash bag in the trash can, it’s not defiance it’s a typical kid’s forgetfulness. To clarify all five of the kids had this issue.

He started harping on the kids more and his kids point blank refused to do their chore. This went on for 2weeks, he didn’t say anything. So I brought it up and his response blew me away. He said “Your kids can do my kid’s chores for awhile seeing as how yours don’t know how to do chores correctly and mykids need a break”

After that, It was he was yelling at my three for everything and it said it my kid’s fault that his didn’t do their chores. We both worked 40 hours a week, I handled the bulk of the household chores with the kids having small tasks like trash, putting the dishes away, folding clothes, sweeping, feeding the dogs and I rotated the chores every week so each kid didn’t get stuck with the same chore.

Tired of only me and my kids cleaning up the house we all lived in, I decided to give those that did their chores a reward of extra screen time. His kids-still not doing chores- complained about not getting the extra screen time. He bought his kids each a tablet after denying my kid a tablet for her 12th bday. I put parenting software on the tablets and only allowed them time if their chores were done. He said I was an asshole and I had no right to stop them using what he bought them. Is he right and I’m the asshole?