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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/aita-weddinghelp on 2023-09-10 16:19:46.

My (26F) fiancé’s (28M) aunt (39F) is giving me hell right now because fiancé and I decided on a child-free wedding. My fiancé comes from a big family, particularly on his dad’s side. His dad is one of eight (including two step siblings) and his grandfather is one of ten. His father is also the only one of this siblings with a single child, so my fiancé has no siblings of his own but a big number of cousins, some of which he’s quite close to. The aunt mentioned above is mother to eight of his cousins and another one on the way.

My fiancé and I decided, after a long discussion, that our wedding ceremony and reception will be child-free. We don’t want any interruptions, distraction, destruction, etc. This is meant to be our special day, and we’ve both agreed that for us and our wedding, the best decision is to allow only those 18 and older to attend. It also keeps the attendance party smaller, which fits better with the budget and venue capacity. We decided that, in addition to this, we would host a family gather at my parents’ home a week after the wedding that all the kids could attend so they could feel included in the celebration without fiancé and I worrying about anything. This whole plan felt like a win-win.

Invitations went out last week, specifying the event would be child-free and that there would be a family party a week later that would be all ages. Aunt calls fiancé about the “mistake on the invites”. He tells her it’s not a mistake. She asks if it applies to her. He says it does. She fights him on it. He stays firm. And then she gives the most bullshit response I’ve ever heard. She tells my fiancé that because the wedding is “child-free” none of her children will be coming except the one in her womb. She says that all of her sweet babies that love him so much, including her oldest (19M) will be staying at home instead of celebrating his wedding with him. Fiancé asks what she means since said cousin is meant to be one of his groomsmen, and she goes off on him about how she can’t afford a sitter to watch seven kids and that it isn’t fair that they get left out while the eldest is included, and even if she could afford a sitter, she isn’t going to trust some stranger with her kids. My fiancé hung up before she could rant any more, but she’s been blowing up our phones since then.

The only thing that has us questioning if we might be assholes is fiancé’s cousin texting him about the whole mess and asking if we’d just allow kids at the wedding so he can still be in it and won’t have to babysit. We feel bad for him, and we want him in our wedding, but we don’t want children there. And if we just make an exception for aunt’s children but no one else’s well piss everyone else off. But if we allow everyone to bring their kids we’ll be miserable. Are we assholes here? Should we just suck it up?

Edit: For clarification, aunts kids are 19M, 15M, 13M, 12F, 9M&F (fraternal twins), 5F, and 3M. And of course the baby on the way, which they’re going to have a gender reveal party for once she’s 8 months along. She’s three months along right now.