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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/MsKardashian on 2023-09-10 18:21:37.

I’m a musician in my local town so I’m out performing or watching music a lot. I’m very much a part of the music “scene” and as such I deal with classic problems around audience members believing or wanting to be closer to me than they are (uh, it’s men).

I also have the standard problem in general of men harassing me and my female colleagues in various ways, both egregious and subtle. I speak up, I call them out, and I protect my girls. I’m at least known for that.

One thing I’ve gotten really tired of is doling out hugs, particularly to men. They hug too long, too tight, and they don’t understand earring etiquette. I’ve been earring-stabbed, touched, and squeezed way too many times.

Here and there I cross my arms or put out a hand and say I’m not hugging today. These have been very occasional times, and both times with men who were seriously harassing me.

But now, I realize I don’t like hugging these people at all. In one evening, I could hug 50 people who come to greet me and say hi. And some of those men are lucky enough to get multiple hugs - a hi hug, a thank you for being you hug, a goodbye hug. I HATE IT.

So now I’m going to stop. But how? I know that if I stick to my guns, eventually people will catch on - MsKardashian doesn’t hug. I don’t want to have that reputation of being cold or unfriendly (I’m naturally very upbeat and outgoing, which actually exacerbates the problem) but I do have to protect myself.

Tl;dr: I go out a lot in my local scene and I want to stop hugging people I’m not close to. How do I do this?