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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Ef8858 on 2023-09-11 17:40:22.

I have a guy friend from a Middle Eastern culture. Whilst I am also of the same heritage I am also half white and very liberal in my values. I would call myself a passionate feminist.

I normally love a debate and I’m happy to agree to disagree but this friend has just rubbed me so hard up the wrong way I’m thinking of just making these topics off limits. He seems to be pushing this subliminal narrative of ‘women are liars’ and so should not believed when they come forward with accusations or allegations of assault.

This is especially triggering for me as I have been a victim of domestic violence and also SA by a healthcare professional as a child and I never spoke up because I feared I wouldn’t be believed. When I hear him saying these things it just confirms all my fears.

We’ve had a few conversations about grooming and rape and consent and he keeps making me concede ‘women lie too’ but it’s never ‘men perpetrate violence’. I feel like I’m constantly being told women are lying and making up accusations even when I show the statistics that prove how skewed it is against women.

Last night we were at dinner and my friend brought a ‘scenario’ for us to discuss. A woman accused her boyfriend of rape, but then the story says the ‘other side of the story’ and the boyfriend claims she instigated sex during her sleep or something? It was odd and weird and again felt like this pushing of the ‘women are liars narrative’.

I got quite defensive as there seemed to be a lot of mentioning of how this couple engaged in BDSM and other kinky activities. I got quite irritated that this was even being brought up because these are all consensual acts and nothing to do with the so called scenario. I felt it was being mentioned really to make the woman sound promiscuous and turn the reader against them.

My friend said my querying of this showed my obvious bias against men. I tried to explain that if this scenarios had the male character waking up with the female character all over them after they earlier said no, that would be rape also.

This is where I lost my rag. He told me that I was wrong and I wouldn’t think that. I explained again that I would think that and would believe the victim male or female. And he again told me I would not. I started to get angry then and asked him if he was calling me a liar because I quite clearly stated my belief.

We eventually left the topic but the whole thing just is getting to me. I really need to hear what other people thing outside of my brain.

Please any and all help would be so appreciated.