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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/No_Letterhead1150 on 2023-09-11 18:33:39.

My longtime friend (30F) recently got upset because I (31F) told her how excited I was to be able to take a day off and go to the spa.

She said that I was rubbing my wealth in her face while she is going through a difficult time. She has had some issues with repairs to her home as well as relationship issues for the past few months. Her dog also had to go to the vet and is sick and her bank account is now negative.

For context, there is ALWAYS something wrong in her life. It is always one crisis after another and most of the time she could have avoided the crisis by taking some action beforehand like getting a home inspection or not going to a music festival and paying for a repair instead.

I absolutely understand that’s she’s going through a difficult time, but so am I. I have been having relationship problems and I also work 60+ hour weeks. I haven’t taken a day off for myself in years. This was the first time I was proactively taking a day off to try and reset my mental health instead of always doing things for other people. It wasn’t rubbing my wealth in her face, I was excited to be able to do something for myself after years of neglecting my mental health.

Also, it feels like she’s begrudging me for my financial stability. We both grew up poor but I went on to pay my way through a masters and PHD program and as of a year ago I’m finally making a good income. I paid my own way and worked the whole time and haven’t done anything for myself in years. I never begrudged her for going to $500 concerts while I was studying or going to Puerto Rico when I couldn’t afford it.

She literally only works when she wants to and refuses to be “burnt out” and therefore lives paycheck to paycheck. I have bought her groceries and sent money and her parents have also had to bail her out even though they don’t have much themselves.

I’m tired of not being able to talk to her about my life because even the most basic things (me getting a Starbucks) are called a “privilege” and I feel bad even saying I went out for a coffee. It feels like I’m just an outlet for her to complain about everything but when I need a shoulder, she always has a crisis going on. When I decide after years of school and work to take a vacation, I get called privileged because she can’t afford it.

I don’t know if I’m just an insensitive asshole or if she’s just a narcissist.