This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/user221202 on 2023-09-11 23:30:10.

I (27 F), have one sister (29 F,“B”) and our parents are divorced. My Dad (63 M) and Victoria “V” (67 F) have been together for around 4 years. V started out being pretty good to us and my Dad for the first few years. They got engaged a year ago and it’s been downhill ever since.

My boyfriend (“C”, 28 M) and my BIL (33 M) round out our group. About two years ago V started referring to the four of us as “kids”. Example: we have a family home in a different city, and when we visit V refers to the rooms on the top floor (mine, B’s) as the “kids rooms”. V calling the four of us kids has implications: 1) that we are all related to each other, 2) that we are all the ages of children, and 3) V does speak to us generally as though we are children.

Where it gets tricky is that I asked her to not call us kids anymore, and the conversation went poorly. C and I were leaving our family home after staying the weekend there with my Dad and V. My Dad was outside, and C and I were saying our goodbyes to V. This is the conversation:

Me: Hey, I wanted to bring something up to you. Would it be okay if you didn’t call us kids anymore? It gives off the impression that we’re all related, which is a little uncomfortable, and that we’re all young like kids ages, when I’m the youngest of the group at 27.

V: Yes of course, I won’t say that again! But you need to talk to your Dad about that too.

It confused me since my Dad calls myself and B his daughters, but never uses the word kids. It threw me for a loop so I ended up saying:

Me: But he’s my Dad…?

V: I just don’t understand why you always give me such a hard time.

Here’s where I might BTA. I got frustrated since she had escalated the conversation out of nowhere, it became irrelevant to what I was politely asking, and she shifted the focus off of her:

Me: Well, that’s a two way street V. The four of us feel this way, not just me. I don’t think I’ve ever truly asked you for anything, so please honor the one request I’m making of you not to call us kids.

I didn’t want to continue the conversation further so I left out the door and waited at the car. C tells me that after I left, V turned to him and said “I just got chewed out for no reason”. C walked out as well as my Dad was walking into the house. Whatever V said to my Dad was awful enough that it prompted him to storm outside and begin yelling at me, starting with “Do you want to explain what the F*** just happened in there?!”. I tried to explain that I had asked V nicely to not call us kids anymore, but my explanation fell on deaf ears. He was yelling/ cursing at me, standing up for V, and even asked if this was “my biggest grief in life”. I was sobbing the whole time.

It’s gone really poorly since then. B mediated a conversation between myself and my Dad, but he only put blame on me and said I owed V an apology (I did apologize to her). I thought it would be a small request, but it blew up into something way bigger than it needed to. AITA?