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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Equivalent_Bus3389 on 2023-09-12 11:20:53.

Hi all!

I am 27f, and have been trying OLD for about 9 months. I have gotten a lot of dates, but if I’m being honest only 2 of these men would meet my requirements for a relationship. I hear a lot about how unrealistic women’s expectations are when it comes to dating. I will be honest, I do have a list of requirements that admittedly I am not super flexible on. These include:

  • 5’2 or taller (I know, I know! I have tried to date someone shorter than me but I just couldn’t get on board)
  • employed, earns minimum wage (if working full time). I do have a caveat here in that if they were studying or doing something similar being unemployed wouldn’t be a dealbreaker.
  • same political beliefs. For me this is an indication of values, and I would like to share these with a partner.
  • no children and doesn’t want children.
  • no drug use/smoking
  • alcohol use is not excessive
  • good hygiene, able to care for themselves in regard to cooking and cleaning
  • good level of intelligence. By this I mean they are curious and interested in learning new things, not that they need to have a University degree. I will acknowledge that an aspect of this is someone who is able to think critically and I would like someone who enjoys reading (although enjoying reading would not be a dealbreaker).
  • exercise at least 3 times a week. To me this is indicative of valuing your health.
  • good communication/interpersonal skills. Wanting to raise issues and sort through them together. This is a really big one for me, as I’m not the sort of person who can just brush stuff under the carpet.
  • someone who doesn’t work excessively. My love languages are quality time and words of affirmation. Both of the potential men I had considered for a relationship were unable to provide quality time, due to overworking. Just to clarify, for me quality time would be seeing my partner twice a week (e.g., once on a weeknight and once on the weekend. The weekend would not have to be a full day or the whole weekend).
  • I don’t want to date certain professions (e.g., medical professionals, military, emergency services). This ties back into the quality time thing I mentioned above.

Of course there are more basic things like kindness, patience, wanting to be attracted to my partner, etc. that largely go without saying. For more context I don’t have a specific ethnicity/religion/appearance that I go for. I have been told multiple times that I am expecting too much. Where and how do you draw this line for yourself?