This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Plus_Average3797 on 2023-09-12 12:13:23.

Throwaway account just in case my family see this.

I will be graduating next year. My parents have offered to take me and my fiance abroad on a family holiday and pay for all the costs. The thing is there are a few catches.

  1. Me and my fiance would be responsible for my younger siblings (ranging from 1 to 7 year old) in terms of childcare as they all have special needs of some sort.
  2. We would have to sleep in separate rooms for the 2 weeks as they are spliting rhe rooms by gender, so 4 girls in one room and 5 boys in the other… Bare in mind I have been with him for 5 years and living with him for 2 by that point 6 and 3. So as you can imagine that is not ideal.

I don’t feel like this is a treat like they seem to think it is. I wouldn’t be able to have time alone with my partner at all and I want time to relax especially after 3 years of uni. I know what family holidays are like with them, I don’t enjoy it. When I finished my GCSEs they took me away to ‘celebrate’ but then would shout at me if I did things I find relaxing because it’s a waste of money for me to sit reading a book rather than spending all my time in the pool.

Both me and my partner do not want to go. We’ve discussed maybe doing something ourselves, but we’re not sure. I just want one time in my life with them where I’m not a glorified babysitter.

Another issue is that they want to take us to the exact location we have chosen for our honeymoon and they know this. So that’s a no no for us as we want our first time there to be special.

Edit for some clarification and comments

The head count for each room includes my parents, me and my fiance. So in total there are 5 kids that would be going, 2 are old enough to be left to their own devices. In this situation I would be with the girls and my mum and my fiance would be with the boys and my dad.

I just want to say thank you to everyone for validating my feelings and showing that I am not overreacting here, something that my parents told me I was doing at 16 when I first refused to go away with them because I was always the glorified babysitter.

I will be having a convo with them to say that 1. We will not be going and 2. We will be doing our own thing for my graduation as that way I can enjoy it, after all these 3 years have been hard for me.

UPDATE

So I have spoken to my mum and told her we will not be going because of the conditions and it not being what we want. Turns out she has booked it already for them and was going to add us if we wanted to come. But get this she has not only chosen our HONEYMOON location but also the exact hotel we was going to go to. I cant express how hurt I am because she knew that we wanted to go there as somewhere special for us but now if we go there on our honeymoon it won’t feel as special because they went there first.

She seemed disappointed that we don’t want to but didn’t actually say anything other than ok, thought that would be the case.

UPDATE 2

After talking to my fiance, the absolute angel he is, we have decided that we will still go to the same country, just go to a different hotel and probably a different city. That way we can still do the activities we planned to do together. Yes it means adjusting the budget but it’ll be worth it. I’m considering adult only hotels so there’s no chance of them ruining it again.

We are not telling my parents about our wedding and honeymoon plans anymore as I don’t want anymore drama over this.

Thank you everyone for your advice and reassurance. At least I know its not just me and my partner who think they’re narcissists.

I probably won’t update again bc there’s nothing else to say really.