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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Rare_Priority6957 on 2023-09-12 15:00:21.

I know a lot of you are going YTA with just the title but here me out.

I (M30) married my highschool sweetheart when we were 19 and had two kids (M9 and M7). It was not a happy marriage and arrival of baby number two pushed us to divorce. We shared custody 50:50 for 5 years till I had to move to a different state for work. My ex and I discussed, and she said she wanted to keep them full time. She also expressed a wish for her husband adopting our kids and I agreed. He had been acting like a dad to them for four years and will be more a dad to them now since I moved.

I only started to date when I moved state. I realised a lot of women my age or younger plan to have kids in the future. I don’t want to. I love my kids but I also know how hard it is to raise young children and do not want to do it again. Finally I met this women who was childfree and we clicked off. One year into this and I feel like she is for me. So I proposed and she said yes.

When I told my ex-wife this, she called me an AH for choosing to marry a women who won’t like our kids around. I told her I see the kids only on call or when I visit. And she do like kids, just doesn’t want her own. Since I am playing distant uncle to them, it is apt she is playing distant aunt. .

My ex said it is not like that and what would I do if something happened to her. I reminded her that her husband has adopted the kids and is parent too. She asked what if they both died and I told her I would then step up as the single parent I am. I reminded her we are all young so this is hypothetical and I can’t keep my life on hold for hypotheticals.

She got mad telling I am ditching my responsibility towards the kids said I should always choose my kids.

Her husband called me later congradulating me on engagement and said he understood. My family is on my side over this but ex wife’s family is blasting my phone calling me an AH.

AITA?

My fiance know about my children and the circumstances. She has no problem with it as long as she is not expected to parent them. And I have no plan to ever ask her to be a parent. She has more of a fun aunt role with my kids.