This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/CanaryFairy3179 on 2023-09-13 03:49:06.

My (25F) best friend (25F) and I have been incredible friends for over a decade. She was a bridesmaid in my wedding and put a lot of time, energy, and money into throwing showers, bachelorette parties, etc.

Well, now she is engaged and is planning a destination wedding (accommodations and all meals will be paid for). She stated that she does not want any showers, parties, or even gifts because she’d rather people put that towards the plane ticket.

Tickets are about $700-1300 roundtrip depending on the airline.

It’s a very small wedding of about 20 people, and we’d all be staying together on a large property for a week.

I am saving to purchase a home in a few years and told my friend that I wouldn’t make her wedding, citing two reasons:

1. Finances
2. The fact that my husband can’t attend

I brought these issues up to her and told her I wouldn’t make it. She and my other best friend (who is also attending) said they would help in any way they could with the financial part of it.

She said that the reason my husband was not invited was because of space (I’d be sharing a room with that other best friend) and the fact that she doesn’t know him well (her fiancé has never met him), and everyone else that will be there is close family. She said even many close family members were not invited because of how small they had to keep it.

She sent me a relatively upset message, saying that she was disappointed in my decision because she felt she did everything she could to help (money-wise) facilitate my attendance but that I was unwilling to help find a solution.

AITA for saying no to attending my best friend’s wedding?

While it’s nice that accommodations and meals are paid for, I’d still have to find a dress and cover other various expenses along the way.